I Will Always Love Him - Tibbs
by Eurythma
Summary: Tony thought he found true love in Ziva.But then a startling case that involves a dead gay lover of Gibbs stirs up heated passion forcing Tony to see a different side of his boss. Esp. after that one kiss, one night that changes his entire sexuality.
1. Prologue

**Title: 'When He Kissed Me'**

Authors: Abby Kay Ali and Chad Cassidy

Type: NCIS (SLASH) – [Tiva vs. Tibbs]

Point of view: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs & Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo

**PLEASE READ: **This story contains sexual content based on heterosexual relationships as well as homosexual relationships. Please DO NOT read if sensitive to these situations. The authors are not held responsible for your distaste in the content in this story and respect the right to refuse to reply to any disrespectful and insolent reviews based on this story.

This story has been originally written in Hebrew and translated into Caribbean English. Any grammatical errors are our fault. Left aligned for easy formatting.

This story is written by two distinct authors with two different writing styles.

**Prologue**

When I walked into the room, the first thing I noticed was that the shades were drawn shut. And the sound of the machines were terrorizing, especially the oxygen tank that they had hooked up to the mask he was now wearing.

"You're here", Abby said getting up from the chair beside the bed. "Gibbs, he's here." When she took up his right hand that appeared really limp and lifeless from my side of the room, I immediately felt devastated. Maybe my assumptions were right. He was dying.

Instead of looking at him, looking at his face, although he was looking at me and I knew it, I focused on Abby as she came around the bed and towards me. Taking my hand she led me outside and braced against the wall. Her eyes were red and swollen, cheeks moist and lips quivering. I held her hands. They were shaky. I couldn't think straight so I hugged her. But when I did, all I could do was feel tears threaten to anguish me, take me over and drown me.

"Tony", she said and wrapped her arms around me tighter. "You _have_ to go in there, _talk_ to him. He needs you _really bad_." And she sniffed, pulled away slowly. "I know that you've been angry at him, and you two fought and stuff, but he needs you Tony, he _really_ does."

"He's dying", I stated…searching her eyes for an answer, fear creeping over me. "Tell me he isn't dying."

"No!" she said quickly, her eyes wide. "He's dying from heartbreak though, a painful one."

I sighed. "Who…Troy?"

"You!" she exclaimed. "Didn't he tell you –?"

"He did", I said cutting her. "I just thought –"

"If you don't go in there and talk to him, I swear I'm going to hate you if anything happens to him, Tony."

I sighed, wiped my face with the back of my hand. "I don't know what to say to him, Abby. I just don't know. These few days..."

"Just go in there and show him that you still care. Crack jokes, make him smile, be yourself. He wants that. That's what he loves about you." And she took hold of both my shoulders. "You were always the one to get to him the most."

"_No_, that was _you_ Abby."

"No, it was never me. He could show me that he loved me easily, kiss me, give me hugs…but with you, just for him to show he cared more, imagine how it must have felt."

I wanted to complain more but knew that it wouldn't' get us anywhere. Besides…he was in there waiting on me to go in. And even though he was in a bed, couldn't move really, I still was anticipating him shouting my name out, a head slap if I didn't go in.

"I can't imagine it", I told her calmly.

"It's going to be easy for you though", she said sadly, taking my hand. "It's him who loves you. You're already dating Ziva and you love her, you have what you want already. Gibbs, he's gotta now get over you, move along and try to get over this. It's going to be so hard for him."

It was my fault in other words.

"It's going to be hard for me too", I said looking at her.

"How?"

"_Because_", and I turned to go into the room, "I've just broken up with Ziva and now I feel bad about this, about her and me."

"You broke up with her?" she asked in disbelief. "But _why_?"

I couldn't bring myself to say it. "It's his entire fault. When he kissed me the other night, after that, I can't stop thinking about him."

Her eyes grew wide and she gasped. She was actually smiling now. "Your _so_ in love with him!"

"No", I said trying to act defensive. "That's not…it…is it?"

"You totally are! I knew it! You stud muffins always swing both ways!"

"Hey!" I said smiling. "I'm a stud muffin?"

"Yup, and so is Gibbs." And she smiled broadly. "Knew it! McGee owes me five bucks now! So…" and she waited.

"What?" I asked looking at her.

"He's a great kisser huh?"

"What would make you –"

"Ever since he kissed me I can't help thinking about him…" she said repeating what I had said.

I thought about it. "Well yeah he…is."

"Lots of tongue?"

"Abby!"

"Oh look how he's blushing!" she said grabbing my hands. "You so need to go in there right now. You're _totally_ in the mood." And before I could even catch myself, she pushed me into the room.

But being back in the room, seeing him lying there dampened my mood once more. Not that I was in the highest of spirits for the past few days. As soon as I stepped across the threshold, he turned to look at me. And as our eyes met, something passed between us. It was new, something I had never ever felt in my life before having looked Gibbs in the eyes so many times before. Maybe it had to do with me now knowing how he felt about me, me knowing much more about everything.

His gaze was intense, his eyes watery and all of a sudden I felt the urge that I had before kicking in again. Maybe I should have kissed him back when he did the other night. I wanted to now. Every part of me reacted to him, the way he was looking at me…I felt rooted to the spot. Breaking the gaze, I stepped further into the room and towards the bedside table.

"You have a lot of admirers, Gibbs", I noted, fingering the red flowers part of a bouquet from Hollis, another bouquet from Doctor Ryan, one from Kate's sister. "Quite the ladies' man, aren't you?"

Of course he didn't answer. Even if he was well and sitting up, he'd never answer to that. Maybe throw a glare at me, or head slap me. But he'd never answer.

"We caught the guy who shot you", I said calmly, walking around the room. "He did put up a fight but I…shot him. I felt so angry…pissed at him when I heard. When he tried to get away I didn't chase him long. You'd expect Ziva to shoot but I did. Twice, one in his leg and the other grazed his side. Lucky bastard."

The sound of him inhaling, exhaling through the mask, the beeping of the machines filled the room. It wasn't as if he would have been talking much even if he could at the moment. Gibbs never talked much except for maybe recently when we had argued. But I wished he could have talked. I felt the anger build up in me.

"What made you go after him like that, Gibbs?" I asked with my back to him. My breathing rate was picking up now. "What the _hell_ made you do that, without backup, without telling us _anything_? For God's sakes you could have been _killed_!" And I turned to face him. "What? You were so upset with me that you didn't want me to be on your six like always? Since the beginning you've been hiding stuff from me about this case, about you, about how you _feel_. I don't _know_ what to say to you right now really." And I began to pace the room.

"Ever since I started to work for you I've tried to be a good agent. Every time I've trusted my gut I've felt nice about it because you do the same, I've had confidence in myself whenever you were proud of me yet you never said it often. And I always, _always_ trusted you to tell me the truth, to never lie to me, never hide stuff from me. These past few days you've done nothing but lie to me, lie to the team and yeah…" I said throwing up my hands in distress, "withholding information from us is lying, Gibbs. You keeping this big secret inside of you about how you've been feeling about me for so many years, to now let it out, how you knew Troy…I'm rambling like Abby now."

And I walked to the chair, then sat down and huffed out a sigh. After I couldn't take it anymore, I bent over his bed, and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Gibbs, say something…" I whispered. "Talk to me. I'm sorry, I didn't know…I'm sorry for yelling at you, making you feel bad, telling you you're stupid and cold…"

When his warm hand softly grabbed mine, I jumped, nearly pulled away but I didn't. I allowed him to hold my hand, and watched as he used his fingers to slowly feel mine, his thumb caressed between my thumb and pointer finger. It was a soft spot of mine and instantly I began to feel alert and provoked, stimulated. It was as if he knew exactly where to touch me to make me feel the way I was feeling.

"Tell me how you feel", I said softly, looking at him. "Just let me know more, Gibbs. I want to know more."

I watched him reach up to hold the mask thingee on his face, and then he was moving it aside slowly. His breathing came out raspy when he tried to breathe without it, and I wanted to tell him to put it back on. But there was a dying urge in me to hear what he wanted to say. I wanted to hear his voice, hear that low voice that I knew all too well once more. We hadn't spoken to each other in more than a day, decent conversation.

"DiNozzo", he said, his voice cracking.

"Gibbs", I said softly. He looked so unlike the Gibbs I knew, the one who gave me stares, orders, never took nonsense. He looked more soft and emotional, vulnerable. "Tell me."

I held unto his hand with both of mine and looked at him.

"I…can't", he said slowly.

"Why?" I asked. "I can take it. I want to hear more."

"I'm not good with…expressing myself."

"Oh, like Ziva", I said and nodded. I was good with expressing myself. I could tell anyone how I was feeling without even trying. But sometimes I found it hard to do. "Cool. Only one other way to do that then", I said playing with his fingers.

He looked at me questionably. I got up and sat on the bed, placing his hand on my upper right thigh and I used my right hand to caress his face for the first time, taking time to feel his skin, how he felt.

"Show me how you feel about me", I said softly as my gaze lingered on his lips.

"You want to kill me, don't you?" he asked as I leant in and my lips lay inches apart from his. "You…take my breath away, Tony."

I took my thumb and rubbed his bottom lip intimately. "Then we're both going to die", I whispered looking into his eyes, "because right now, I can't…breathe and if I kiss you, you're just going to leave me breathless."

**A/N – Yes it is going to be continued. This was just a bit of the story from the ending of it all. And I do trust that you want to hear everything that lead up to this right? I mean, who is this Troy and when the hell did Gibbs kiss DiNozzo? Where are they? Why is Gibbs in the hospital? And why is Tony so upset? Review and let me know if we should leave it here **


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Thanks for the reviews! So many for one chapter! Makes a guy like me feel so special when ya do that. Lol.**

**Spoiler: '**A soft almost surprising chill travelled up my spine as his bare fingers brushed against mine and I quickly pulled my hand away wondering why his hands were not gloved.

There was a surprised look on his face, at first unreadable and then quietly bashful as he probably realized that I had felt him completely. But knowing DiNozzo, he would simply ascertain things to be professional on my side.'

**oOoOoOoOoOoo**

**(DiNozzo)**

We were at the Grande Marina that night, down west, Main Street, typical Washington, typical bar. And as she ordered drinks being quite unladylike, I checked out the menu and the interior of the bar. Everything was nice, dark and offered a romantic feel and like every time I thought about it, I couldn't wait to get out of there and move unto the next stage. I could smile forever just holding that thought.

"May I take your order, Mr. DiNozzo?" a suit asked me. I called them suits ever since I was a child because that's what my father called them. No name although they wore name tags, just suits.

I smiled. "I'm waiting on my date to come back."

"Then perhaps I should wait?" he asked, pen poised in midair ready to write.

The place wasn't that occupied tonight, after all it wasn't almost Friday so I told him to come back. My eyes moved to Ziva as she made her way to our table, drinks in either hand: cocktails with the slices of pine stuck on the rims of the glasses. I liked to eat the pine first.

"I was thinking that we could skip the food…just a suggestion?"

"I am famished", she said just to annoy me after making a face. I watched her sit down and I pouted.

"I'll order then."

"For you to deny the opportunity to eat", and she sipped her cocktail, "you must be really, really not hungry."

My eyes met the suit and he came towards our table, that fake smile on his face. "It's been three weeks since we've been dating, my darling. Taking it to the other level is getting very tempting as the days go by." I smiled at the waiter as he handed me a menu. "To tell you the truth, I don't think I can control myself any long –"

"Tony!" she whispered frantically then forced a smile at the waiter, his pen poised in midair still. "He means his appetite. He is hungry."

"Famished", I said and sighed then closed the menu. My eyes met hers. "How does a bowl of mixed lowmein with baked chicken sound?"

"Ideal", she said with her eyes on me still.

"We'll have that, make this fast and get out of here."

The waiter was writing now and I playfully used the tip of my shoe to jab her boot, smirking as she jumped, then glared at me. I just winked at her.

"Is that all?"

"Yeah", I said ignoring the him, all eyes on Ziva.

"That look", she said as we ate, as she twirled her lowmein around her fork and chewed, "I know what you want."

"I'm glad that you know what I know I want."

Frowning, she began to pick her chicken to shreds, taking up a piece and gently moving it across her lips, her tongue moving with it. With her eyes on mine, she smiled and winked.

"Don't do that."

"Why?" she asked smiling, "too tempting?"

"You're making me itch to…do…things to you that I can't do here –"

I squeaked when I felt her boot reach up between my legs and then she had it on me. Using the tip, she began to work her way in circles against my pants front.

"Here?" I moaned. "You're gonna make me embarrass myself."

"But you sounded as if you wanted it so _badly_", she said smiling wickedly, "as if you _cannot_ wait."

My throat closed up and I couldn't even swallow my food as she increased her pace, rubbing me continuously. Forcing myself to look normal, I clamped my mouth shut and chewed slowly, all eyes on her. If I came in my pants and had to walk out of here just like that, she'd pay later on tonight, big time. But for now I tried to keep myself under control, failing to do so as she silently eyed me with desire.

"Am I succeeding?" she asked softly. "Still hungry?"

"This is murder", I whispered, my eyes darting about.

She chewed with her eyes on me. "Let's get out of here now then, before you –"

"I thought you'd never ask", I said quickly, getting up and grabbing my coat and reaching into my pocket all at the same time. And I had never ever swiped my card as quickly as I did that night, just anxious to get out and into the car with her.

Within a few minutes I had her lying down on the backseat, me on top. And we devoured each other's mouths as traffic moved by, without even knowing what we were doing in the dark interior of the car. She kissed me back passionately and without a care, moaning as I rubbed up against her. But it just wasn't enough. Using my hand I unbuttoned her lime green shirt all the way down in haste and ran my fingers over her bare breasts, nipples already erect.

"Thank God you didn't wear a bra today."

"Shut up and kiss me", she demanded in heavy whispers, breathing frantically as her hands sought out the front of my pants. "Get inside me, quickly…make me –"

I silenced her with a deep kiss, moaning loudly as she pulled down my boxers and closed her fingers around me, bare and already erect, ready to take her on. And when I entered her, she welcomed me, already wet and ready. To match my movements, her moans filled the car. And as tight as she was, it doubled the pleasure for me because I loved it all, every bit of her. I used my teeth to nibble her earlobe, then trailed kissed all the way down her neck and using my hands, I propped myself up.

"Near the edge yet?"

"Keep going…" she breathed, holding my face with both hands, her brown eyes dazed. "Faster…"

I increased the pace, pumping into her wet and wildly. And using my fingers, I ran them through her hair, and then leant in and our lips met, us kissing passionately again. This was it. This was the feeling of bliss that I had always wanted to have with her. And even though we had been dating for two weeks now, and had already taken it this far, I still wanted more of her.

"Tony", she moaned as her fingers dug into the skin on my back. I bit my lips and felt her, knew she was about to go over the edge. And when she did, I watched her expression, reading her eyes as they opened wide and dazed, locked with mine. But before I could ride over the cliff with her, my stupid cellphone began to vibrate in my back pocket.

At first I thought it was like a reaction like my nerves in my butt or something reacting to all this. But then the thing kept coming and coming like a pulse and I nearly jumped up out of fright.

"Your phone", Ziva whispered breathless, her fingers running through my sweat soaked hair.

"I had it on emergency calls…only", I said trying to catch my breath. "Who could it –"

"Gibbs…" she said softly. "Can…only…be…him."

I mean it was so awkward to answer the call and be in the position I was and still take the call…

"Dammit, Gibbs", I said looking at the phone and I scowled. Leaning down and resting my cheek against hers, I flipped it open. "Yeah, boss…"

"DiNozzo, we got a dead Marine Lieutenant in a downtown alleyway." His voice…Gibbs sounded…not gruff, not boss-like…

"Right now, boss?" I asked in a pleading voice. "Tell me they don't want us there now."

"Yeah", he said softly. "Woke you up?"

Ziva was hearing every word too, but I had to place my hand over her mouth to block out her frantic breathing. I could see her smiling with her eyes.

"Oh I'm up", I said in a clipped tone.

"Good…"and I heard a car door slam shut. He was already in his car. Didn't the man have a life? He had to be so darn fast, terminator like. "I'll meet you there. Call Ziva, McGee."

"Ducky..?" I asked.

"Already called him."

"Will do, boss."

He hung up.

I closed the phone and turned to look into her eyes, my fingers in her hair. "This is absurd!" I said. "I didn't even get to…"

"Want me to take care of that now?" she asked softly. Her hands whispered against my hard penis.

"Nah", I said and groaned. Having a hard on and going to a crime scene didn't exactly make an ideal way to end a night and start another day of work.

"Oh come on", she said pulling me back down. "You cannot go like this to a crime scene. It will be uncomfortable."

Without asking, she began to yank me but I had already fallen out of that mood…long story. Let's just say that Gibbs would pay sometime for this.

**(Gibbs)**

I could always go back to that time in my life and dwell on it for more than an hour. Time would find me sitting on that stool, glass jar half filled with bourbon in hand, and eyes dazed as I remembered that one time. Radio could keep on playing; sand paper could keep on lying aimlessly on the work table for all I'd care. And I'd only see one thing: his eyes. Every damn time I looked at his face, I could always remember Baltimore.

And that was what I was thinking of when my cell rang. After letting it ring for like six times, I threw the jar at the wall, shattering it and snatched up my cell.

"Gibbs…"

"Dispatch 124 reporting to Special Agent Gibbs…"

Reaching up I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. Sometimes I wished they had someone else to call. "What's the situation?"

"We got a dead male body here in a downtown alleyway. An eyewitness called it in, went to check it out and found him. You might wanna come down here. He's a Marine."

"Be there…" I snapped my cell shut and swore.

What a way to start the day. Me halfheartedly dazed and fucked…yeah that called for a warranted wake up call. The thing is, I was expecting to not see him for a good six hours more. Now I'd have to face him…the team looking as if someone messed me up big time. There was no time to hop in the shower, I could make time, give DiNozzo the call and let him deal with the situation until I got there. But I didn't feel like hitting the shower now. So grabbing my coat, I figured I'd make a spin back to get ready for the day.

When I got in the car, I sat there for a good half an hour trying to compose myself. Even coffee couldn't help now with the mood I was in. And having my gun so close to me didn't help either. I could shoot anything to shreds if a situation presented itself. It was one of those times when you chose to retaliate silently. Someone would pay sometime this day.

Arriving at the scene, I doubled parked, flashing my badge at one of the uniforms as I got out.

"He's down there", he said nodding to a dark alleyway to my right. "Your people arrived some time ago. They're down there."

But my eyes weren't on him. Someone was standing behind the tape that caught my attention more than enough. Waving my hand, I nodded and made my way towards him.

"Well if it isn't Stan", I said eyeing him up. He looked good, nice red shirt all ironed even for a simple night out, faded blue jeans, nice haircut.

"Gosh, boss", he said turning to look at me, eyes wide. I tried to smile as he ran his fingers through his hair, my face felt stiff enough.

"What you doing here? Plan on taking back your job?"

"Nah", he said and laughed nervously. "I was…er…hanging", and he nodded towards a bar, neon sign, pulsating music drifted out from within. One look at the sign and crowd signaled to me what kinda bar it was. I didn't eye the situation up any more.

"Bet you were."

"Come on, Gibbs…you know me", he said defensively. "You of all people know me that well."

Of course I did. "Yeah, I know. You gotta be careful though", I said as my eyes met DiNozzo's from the alleyway. He had his camera in hand, watching me. I held the gaze. "You make the wrong company, you pay."

"I know the drill", Stan said following my eyes. I noticed a scuffle broke out at the corner of my eye, to my left. Two uniforms rushed forward to hold the parties back as gay slanders were shouted out boldly. "I wished I was in his place."

I turned to look at him. "Don't go there, Stan."

"No", he said keeping his eyes on me then glancing at DiNozzo. "He's lucky. You know his name…he must have some effect on you. When it was me working for you, you used to call me all kinds of names. Couldn't even get you to like me, especially after you found out I was gay."

"Was…?" I asked him, widening my eyes.

"Well…I still am", and he half shrugged. "And so are you, Gibbs." I glared at him for a good couple of seconds.

"Told you years ago to stop with that."

"I can't help but say what I know."

"And that's what made you and me fall out", I said lifting the yellow tape. When I felt his hand grab mine, I could have frozen but I kept on walking. Those things had happened before, he had made those moves before and it had gotten him nowhere. Slipping my fingers out of his grasp, I headed to the alleyway. DiNozzo's eyes were still on me.

"What you waiting for, DiNozzo?" I asked walking up, noticing Ducky already bent down over the body. Ziva and McGee were already processing the scene.

"Stan…" and his eyes went back to the crowd behind the tape. "Boss, you –"

"What we got here Duck?" I asked cutting him off.

"I'll know as soon as Mr. Palmer helps me to turn over the body instead of standing there gawking!"

Palmer seemed to catch his senses. "Right, Doctor Mallard", he said rushing up.

The body was lying face down; the Marine's shirt tugged upwards exposing most of his back. A tattoo covered most of his back illustrating a horn tailed dragon…a tattoo I had seen before. The dragon's tongue appeared along his left shoulder blade. I could remember seeing it. And his dirt stained khaki pants had been pulled down signaling possible sexual interference…

"He was raped, Duck?" I asked almost too shocked to have made out those familiar features on the dead man.

Ducky and Palmer now had him turned over and from the instance when I saw his face, I shuddered. Taking a step back, I backed up into DiNozzo who reached out with his hand to hold mine, the meeting of bare fingers. But I felt more than what I was supposed to because he was surprisingly hard, firm and ready just to… Instantly I looked back at him, my eyes bewildered. A soft almost surprising chill travelled up my spine as his bare fingers brushed against mine and I quickly pulled my hand away wondering why his hands were not gloved.

There was a surprised look on his face, at first unreadable and then quietly bashful as he probably realized that I had felt him completely. But knowing DiNozzo, he would simply ascertain things to be professional on my side. He'd believe that I'd just ignore that detail and move on. I couldn't. Every part of me was aching now to know more, my brain begged me to touch, I was burning up inside with a feeling that I had submerged and believed it to have been left that way for years now.

"You know him, Jethro?" Ducky asked, but his voice only echoed, as if he was across a room, muffled and distant.

Ziva, McGee's eyes were on me. I avoided looking at DiNozzo again as I stood there.

"Yeah", I said softly.

"How?"

I looked at Ducky and was prepared to lie when McGee's voice interrupted my thought.

"Boss, he had your contact card in his pocket", he said coming up to me, card in hand. "A friend of yours?"

"No", I said firmly. "Just casual acquaintances…"

I had to get away from here. Adrenaline kicked in as my heart began to hammer in my chest and I felt my hands grow cold.

"His Identification card says he's Thomas Grady, Navy Lieutenant, former –"

"…Marine Gunnery Sergeant", I said cutting him off. This wasn't Thomas Grady. My nerves began to terribly tell on me. "Process the scene", I said throwing a glance at McGee and Ziva. "Duck, deal with the body. I have to make a call. I'll meet you at the Navy Yard."

"Boss is something wrong?" I heard Tony ask from behind me.

I couldn't look at him right now. Things would happen, I was vulnerable and his face would just initiate flashes of thoughts in my mind, thoughts that I couldn't bear to visualize right now. He was hard. He was actually hard at a crime scene. What the hell was he doing before he came here? Or did something happen to give him a hard on?

"You're in charge here", I said and began to walk away. "And don't…" I turned around, grabbed his right shoulder lightly as he came up behind me, my eyes not meeting his, "…follow me. Do your job."

He didn't answer and as I walked away.

**(DiNozzo)**

For all the years I had known Gibbs, which basically added up to about let's see: two plus maybe nine, I had never ever been that close to him and have him react the way he did. I mean, once I grabbed his arm, not his hand and he looked at me as if I was asking to be murdered. But just now, whoa, that was kinda weird, plus I still had that frigging hard on and I knew he felt it. I was positive.

How weird was that?

It was like one of those situations where you didn't want to mess up, but you ended up messing up anyway and then afterwards you feel like shit because you know you could have prevented it. Basically, I felt fucked up, no offense with the language and all. But this right here was terrible. Like, oh hey, you know what happened today at work? I had a hard on and my boss kinda had the luckiest of luck to feel it. Smile.

Geese!

Rubbing my forehead with a shaky hand, I smiled at Ducky and avoided meeting Ziva's eyes. She was watching me like a wicked and hungry wolf, ready to circle her prey.

"He didn't even ask me the time of death", Ducky commented feeling obviously defeated because he loved to retaliate when Gibbs asked him that. Taking my camera, I began to circle the dead man, taking pictures as I did.

"Who is he, Ducky?" I asked trying to keep a steady voice. "Friend of Gibbs?"

Ducky seemed to be studying the man's face. "Hmm, you say his name is Tom Grady, McGee?"

"Yup", McGee said, adjusting his camera lens.

"I've never heard Jethro speak of a Tom Grady. He must be a distant friend indeed. After all, he is a former Gunnery Sergeant."

"But why the sudden shocked look?" I asked. I was fishing now. "The look on Gibbs' face was priceless as if he knows the guy more than what…" Ducky was studying me now so I aimed the camera at nothing in particular and took a picture, trying to hide my obvious need to pry into Gibbs' personal life.

"Perhaps they were friends", Ziva said using a pair of tweezers to pluck something from under a jagged rock.

"Oh really?" I asked looking wide eyed at her, a shocked expression on my face. "You don't say, mother!"

"Alright, give it to me", she said throwing up her hands. "I grow so _fed up_ with your _stupid_ movie references!"

I eyed her warily. "Under other circumstances I would have took that to mean something quite –"

"Anthony", Ducky said cutting me off. "Had Jethro been here, that comment would have warranted a definite head slap!"

"Well he is _not_ here", I stated. "I am in charge."

"Of which you always make it your duty to remind us whenever you are."

I turned to glare at McGee and then sighed. Everywhere I looked I saw nothing but condoms, rocks, a dirty narrow drain that lead to somewhere I didn't want to know. Snatching the camera strap from around my neck, I huffed, annoyed.

"I'm taking pictures of a filthy condom littered alleyway! This is so stupid!"

Ziva looked at me, frowned. "At least you're not the one bagging every single one, along with other body fluids."

I turned to look disgustingly at her. "You've got a point."

After a while I grew fidgety. "Come now my children", I said smiling around at them. "Make me happy and clean up this mess."

They all turned to me with worried and confused expressions on their faces. I gave up and stood there sulking.

Xxxx

So when we got into the Navy Yard, he wasn't there. I decided to make a quick divergence to the vending machine to grab a bag of something nice, maybe chips or my favorite: "Krispy Krackers". Oh I loved those. I could eat 'em all day. I could eat like bags of them and still want more. I grabbed a cup of coffee too from the machine and decided to get one for Ziva. McGee could get his own coffee. Nah, I decided to get one for him too.

"My Israeli Princess", I said smiling and handing her the cup when I got back in the Squad Room.

"Thank you", she said smiling. Her cheeks were dimly shaded pink, eyelashes fluttering. "Quite the gentleman today."

"Until Gibbs' spoils his…day", McGee said teasing me.

"I knew I shouldn't have gotten a cup for you, McMood spoiler", I said holding out the cup to him then pulling it away, holding it out, pulling away. He huffed defeat and then began to type away. Smiling, I rested it on his desk.

"So what's the first thing we look for now?" I asked biting into a chip, studying Tom's photo on the plasma. He was handsome with nice brown eyes, wide forehead, bit of moustache going on and flattened ears.

"We have three eyewitnesses' statements…"

"Video footage from inside the bar", McGee said cutting off Ziva.

"Which shows Tom Grady entering at 9 last night and leaving at –"

"Exactly 12", Ziva said after me. "Ducky placed time of death as precisely 30 minutes after midnight."

"What a time to die", I said eyeing the plasma still. "Kinda like the Stephen King novel…Forgot the name."

"And you read books?" McGee asked me, cutting my line of thought.

"Don't you have to help Abby or something in her lab?" I asked turning to him, annoyed, chip in right hand. "Because right now, you're no help here."

He looked at me and smiled. "You're not Gibbs."

I usually got that line. "Since Gibbs is not here, I'm in charge, McWeirdo."

"All you had to do was say that you needed some alone time with Ziva", he said and got up. I watched him pick up a file from his desk.

"And all you love to do is to be oh so close to Abby." I smiled at him and he rolled his eyes at me. "Very lady-like, McGirly."

"I'm outta here", he said heading out, scowling. I loved to make the Probie get all worked up.

"Go play house with Abby. Take your Barbie dolls."

"Better than being here and listening to you talk all the time."

He was lucky there was so much distance between us because I would have had him in a neck lock right about then. I walked over to Ziva's desk, her smiling, my eyes moving over her lips and the exposed flesh around her shoulders and neck where I had kissed and caressed less than two hours ago.

"Wandering eyes, Tony", she said moving her mouse around as I sat on her desk grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Can't help it", I said and reached out to play with her hair. "Has anyone ever told you your hair is so dazzling?"

"I am not the sun", she said and sighed, pursed her lips. "That is the wrong use of that adjective."

"I never thought I'd live to see this day", I said half smiling, half laughing. "You're correcting me on the use of English!"

"Idle minds only can think up just nonsense", she said typing fast. "You have better get on with something before Gibbs arrives", and she stopped typing, her eyes on me now, "speaking of Gibbs –"

"Ziva", I said and sighed, looked away, "don't go there."

"You still had a…um", and she clenched her fist, 'hard one when he backed up against you, did you?"

"I…yes but –"

"Gibbs felt you had an erection? Oh my!" she said, eyes wide.

"Look, it's not that big a deal. It's not like he was affected by it. I mean, what could he do –"

"You should have seen his face!" she exclaimed and laughed. "He looked utterly surprised, or was it more like a turn on for him?"

"What the…I thought you were dating me!" I asked, totally confused on how she could even imagine Gibbs being turned on by…me. I tried to block the thought from my mind.

"I am, I am", she said smiling. "But I am one of those women that simply love man on man action as well."

"That's weird", I said screwing up my face. "Really weird, Ziva. I mean, give me Tom Cruise or even Hasselhoff, but Gibbs and I? No way…I mean…" I actually began to think of him that way. Not that it was a usual thing for me to do. I wasn't gay. I'd never do that with a guy.

Gibbs was…handsome, and a bit old. He had the silver hair thing going on there, and I had never ever seen him without a shirt, was he toned…SHIT! I grabbed at my hair and sprang up, walking about to clear my mind.

"I would still love you if you were walking in the middle, Tony", she said still teasing me.

"Don't do that, Ziva", I pleaded with her. "Don't…"

"Why, am I sensing a guilty feeling here?"

I shook my head vigorously and went to sit at my desk, teeth gritted. "Blocking thoughts, images, things related to me and Gibbs."

"Ow mi goy", she cooed at me and I ignored her, not because I hated her teasing me, but because I couldn't stop thinking of Gibbs in a very nude manner to be precise. Damn Ziva!

**(Gibbs)**

After I had walked out of the shower, I took up the towel and dried my hair first, then face. And it was then when I noticed my cellphone lying on my bed. It had to be done. I had to make the call. I just didn't want to do it, to open that draw once more and unearth those memories.

But I had to. Picking it up, I flipped it open and dialed his number. He answered after just two rings.

"Hello…"

"Dad", I said sitting on the bed, towel wrapped around my waist. He sounded as if he had been up almost an hour and it was only 5 a.m.

"Leroy. What a surprise. A wake up call I presume?"

"How are you, dad?" I asked, ignoring his question. The faster I got to the point, the better for me, or so I thought.

I heard him sigh. "I'm alright, how have you been? Haven't heard from you since we carved that turkey for Thanksgiving last year."

"It's just February", I stated, "and I've have better days."

"Two months, Leroy…two whole months. Well at least it's better than not hearing from you for years." Something or someone moved in the background.

"You got company?"

"Nah", he said and laughed. "Just me sorting this box of supplies out. Did I tell you I hired an assistant? Name's Billy Winters. Nice fellow he is. Just touched twenty two and very sprite for his age. I tell you, he gets more work done around here than I get done in just a day. Just wished that I could pay him –"

"Troy's dead, dad", I said cutting his chatter off. If it was one thing I hated was my dad rambling on and on and not knowing that sometime he had to stop. But there, I had said it. I didn't even believed that I could have said his name again and not feel anyway about it. As soon as I did say his name, tasted it in my mouth, I felt my eyes burn, tears threatened to anguish me.

"Troy?" he asked and then there was silence. "You mean Troy Stephens?"

I took some time to breathe, to gather myself, try to make myself not get too worked up about it. But it was too much for me. Using my fingertips, I rubbed my eyes hard, feeling fatigued and terrible.

"Yeah", I said almost too weakly.

"Dear God…" he said after a while. "What happened?

Even before Ducky could have given me the cause of death, I knew how he had died. I didn't even have to venture down into autopsy to listen to his report. And I don't think I could even go down there and see him lying on the cold table, naked and vulnerable. Troy had never been vulnerable.

"Murdered", I stated softly, "sexually assaulted, someone…hit him on the right temple with a hard object, beat him really…" I couldn't say the rest even if I wanted to. Slowly I found myself bending over as my lungs closed up. And as hard as I tried not to, my eyes began to water, fists clenched themselves and my face contorted from devastation.

"Leroy, don't…"

"Don't…what?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Don't get worked up about this again. It happened before –"

"Only this time, you don't have to say 'I wish the son of a bitch was dead' because he is now", I said angrily.

There was silence. I didn't know what to do or say. I just felt like shit. I felt as if it was my fault, and I was responsible for his death.

"You know that years ago, when the two of you were friends, I didn't have the brains I have now to think about that situation, Leroy", he said calmly. "When you two came back…you were different, he changed you –"

"How?" I asked in a low voice because I was angry at him. There was too much to explain. So many years had gone by and yet it now felt as if it was just yesterday Troy was sitting next to me in class, or us taking cover behind a charred building, our rifles under our arms. I could even remember his toothy grin, his voice, how he dressed…

"He shook you up. Hell, he always used to shake you up. Ever since you two were high school buds", and I heard him sigh. "He just wouldn't leave you alone –"

"He was my best friend!" I said angrily.

"That I know for sure. Best friends you thought the two of you to be. But he had more in mind didn't he? You were the one who always said that you hated the way he…look, I know this is too much right now but you know what you have to do."

"What's that?" I asked of him. "Try to find peace again? Forget him?"

"No", he said calmly. "I was going to say that now you can do your job. Find the bastard who killed him and make him pay. It's the one thing Troy would have wanted you to do."

I remained silent, assessing the situation and thinking. He was right. I had to do my job. But if Vance knew I was personally tied up with the case, he'd have someone work it instead. I couldn't do that. I had to do this, work this one and find answers. Either way I'd have to even if he told me to sit this one out. I'd want to know who killed Troy. I'd want to know the truth. After all these years, this had to come back and haunt me.

"I don't know if I can, dad", I said and felt small, weak, like a child once more.

"You can do this", he said. "All you have to do is to dwell on the good memories, I know you had those…too many I suppose, but terrible ones too, especially those fights. Gather yourself together and solve this one. You're a good investigator, a boss, you can do this."

"Right", was all I said.

"I'll be seeing you very soon then", he said out of the blues. "Bye." And before I could answer, the line went dead.

**(DiNozzo)**

When I got back into the office that morning, Gibbs wasn't there. And that was surprising. Ziva had stayed just in case he returned and wanted to know where everyone ran off to. But I just had to go home and prepare, grab a shower and switch into work mode. Ziva on the other hand could adjust any damn second to anything.

I eyed his desk, didn't notice a coffee cup, plus his bin was empty.

"Not in yet?" I asked nodding at his desk. Ziva shook her head.

"He did not even call."

"I'm telling you", I said sitting at my desk, a worried expression for sure on my face. "Something's up, Ziva."

"I know…the sky."

"No, I meant…" she was priceless. "Never mind. Anything new so far? Any leads?"

I watched her gaze at her computer screen, and noticed that she had changed into a green shirt; her hair was neatly combed and tied back.

"I had a lead, but no success in that one."

The elevator did that annoying ding thing and I watched the doors slide apart. I don't know if this happens to you but sometimes when you're waiting on someone or you're dreading them appearing, you find your eyes wandering towards the door. Or in my case, the elevator. And as Gibbs walked out, I like immediately found my eyes diverting from him to my computer screen. It was like an automatic response on my side. I wanted to see him, yet I didn't want to see him. It was all so confusing for me.

"Tell me about it", I said looking directly at Ziva as he came our way. I could feel his eyes on me. I always could even when I was never looking. And somehow that morning it made me nervous.

"Well –"

"Morning", he said before she could start. I caught a whiff of his Old Spice aftershave and the way your clothes smell after you finished ironing them.

"Good morning, Gibbs", Ziva said smiling his way. "Slept well?" She was being sarcastic but sometimes only Ziva could get away with being sarcastic to Gibbs. I couldn't pull that one off.

"Nope", he said and I kept my eyes on my computer screen. It was only time before –

"DiNozzo?"

"Morning, boss", I said quickly and began to pretend type on my keyboard, my eyes still not meeting his.

"You went home?" he asked. I swallowed and prepared myself to get head slapped.

"Er..yeah, I did. I was beat last night", and I scratched my head, looking up but not at him in particular. "I needed to change and get ready for work…"

There was no answer. Instead, he fumbled around with stuff on his desk then sat down, moved around his mouse and took up his coffee. I knew that he was drinking from the cup without even looking. It was a standard Gibbs' routine. So I took the time to sneak a look at Ziva. Her eyes met mine immediately. And I saw her nod in Gibbs' direction, then she narrowed her eyes quickly and made a sad face.

That immediately got my attention. It was the 911 silent code thingee we had going on between Abby, McGee, myself and Ziva, excluding Gibbs. Even Palmer had been catching on. I knew what she meant but it was hard to even imagine it being true. I found myself quickly looking in Gibbs' direction and oh how lucky I was because just as I did, his eyes met mine.

I guessed that I caught him off guard, but she was right. Gibbs…his eyes were all…red and…kinda like how Ziva's looked or Abby's when they were upset and had a silent cry. But he'd never cry. I mean, the guy was the military strict type. Like a machine, no tears shed, no emotions shown, like he was programmed. But not this Gibbs that I was looking at. He looked different and weirdly affected by something. I instantly had a gut feeling that it had to do with this Grady dude.

Thank God his desk phone rang because I couldn't hold that gaze with him any longer and not feel completely vulnerable. This was strange though, because on many occasions, he always held gazes…this time he was the first to break it with me.

I was about to send Ziva an email when he got up and I stopped.

"Ziva, Abby's lab, now."

That one had me. He didn't say me…he said Ziva. He did not even forget to mention names suggesting we'd all go. I felt terrible, a feeling I couldn't explain even if I wanted to.

"Boss…" I said but clearly he didn't hear me or pretended he didn't. And I began to wonder what I had done to piss him off.

**(Gibbs)**

I was sorry to have left him up there but deep down inside, guilt was swallowing me up. After having that moment with my father, I wasn't ready to even face my team but it had to be done. In fact, I had to do my job whether I liked it or not. The only problem was that I was emotionally, personally involved in this case and Vance would have my neck if he got a whiff of it. It wasn't long before Tony confronted me on behaving as I was. I just wasn't prepared as yet to have him ask me questions.

All the way down, Ziva remained silent alongside me in the elevator and I welcomed it. Never was I the type to discuss how I felt. And neither was she that type either. I admired her for that. We were the same on that level: choosing to stay away from emotional situations. But her eyes kept moving to me, and I kept my eyes straight at the door, trying to look relaxed.

"Gibbs!" was her greeting as we walked in. "You're here!" she smiled at Ziva. "Hi, Ziva."

"Hi, Abby."

"What ya got, Abs?" was the first thing I asked when I walked in the lab, no Caf-Pow in hand. Her eyes narrowed as she noticed and she pouted.

"No Caf-Pow, no results."

I went up to her and sized her up, maintaining eye contact. It always helped. Her lips twitched into a smile.

"Even _if_ I wanted to not tell you what I've got, that would be hard, because…" she turned to face her computer…monitor, whatever you called it, "I have some very kinky news."

"Give…" I said, Ziva at my side.

"Well, I don't know if you know, since Tony told me that you obviously know the dead lieutenant. I mean, how do you know him?" she turned to me, scrutinizing me with her eyes. "Like 'friend' know him, or 'family' know him, or…"

"_Abby_, don't start", I said quietly.

"Alright, he was using a fake Identification Card for like ten years now. His real name is…" she placed it up on the plasma and I stayed where I was, "…Former Gunnery Sergeant Troy Andrews Stephens, Gibbs." She turned to me, her face fixed into a 'I want answers now' expression, hands on hips. Her eyes searched mine. And Ziva copied her move, turning to face me as they both waited.

"What?" I asked trying to look as if I had no idea what they were thinking about. I knew of course.

"He was born in 1958, Gibbs", she said straight up, "_same_ year as you, went to the _same_ high school as you did, from Stillwater, Pennsylvania. Plus, he served the _same_ years as you did as a Marine. What is going on here? Why are you not telling us what you need to tell us?"

I was cornered, busted as some people would call it, found out in other words. But I didn't want to tell them more. I mean, should I do that? Women always had a way of knowing the truth, knowing your emotions and with Abby as well as Ziva…I couldn't get away even if I wanted to. I had two choices: to talk or to have Abby lock her lab and maybe use Ziva to forcefully interrogate the information out of me.

Lifting my hand, I wiped my face and sighed. "What you want to know?" I asked them both.

"Everything…" Abby stated.

"Well…" Ziva looked at her. "Not _everything,_ but like most of it."

"Don't know where to start", I said quietly. "He was my friend, long time ago."

"What sort of friend", Abby asked narrowing her eyes at me. Ziva turned to look at her, opened her mouth and then shut it as she thought better of not asking Abby questions.

"A best friend."

"A _gay_ best friend."

"Yeah", I said and tilted my head sideways, keeping eye contact with her. I was trying to beg her to not let me talk about this right now. But she wanted more. She always did.

"And you never told me!" Abby she said looking flabbergasted. "That's mean, Gibbs. I never knew you weren't homophobic…I mean, the way you used to….glare at Stan when he was here…and…"

Ziva was looking from her to me. "Stan? Stan from the ship? He's gay?"

"Yea and he had a major crush on Gibbs, like he used to make advances and stuff. Gibbs used to spitefully forget his name to make him feel less important so –"

"Not homophobic", I said ignoring that reference. "I don't judge people. Only if they kill other people, Abs."

"But this here…" she turned and began to pace the floor, her mind working. "this is different. Here we have a situation where you turn up at a crime scene, you flinch or more like get this emotional look on your face when you see the dead guy, who turns up to be a best friend of yours, you two obviously knew each other for years: high school, Marines together. And you hid all of this from us, until we asked. In other words…"

"There is more", Ziva said smiling at me. "Shall I get the truth out of you, Gibbs?" she asked cracking her knuckles. "Or will you tell us without pressure?"

"Look", I said looking around, "a person has a limit to other people knowing about their personal life. And I don't want to say more right now."

"How unfair!" Abby protested.

"You'll know eventually", I said dreading it and before they could question me further, I began to walk out. "You two, get ready, gear up."

"Why?" Abby asked from behind me. "Where are we going?"

"My hometown…" I said sadly. "Tell Tony, tell McGee…"

"And you're going…"

"…to see Vance", I said as I got to the elevator. "God it's times like these when I hate my job." I said to myself and sighed.

**A/N – It was very long, I have to admit that. But I hate many chaptered stories. And for you to review on this one would make my day. Tell me what you didn't like, what you would like to see and what you think about the tension arising between Tony and Gibbs. Liked the Tiva love scene? I know I did Especially when Gibbs interrupted them!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Thank you linkers, combatcrazy, MarieKiki19, angelscatie, allways-a-babe, LIGHTNSHADOWS, lesipiratecat and all the others whose names are too awesome to even mention because the terminator might come after you **

**Spoiler: **I wanted to shout at him, ask him why he had been hiding this from me all these years when I trusted him, expected him to tell me the truth. But then again, look how long I had to wait to find out that Shannon and Kelly existed. Gibbs! Damn you!

"You remind me of him pacing the floor like that", Jackson commented, watching me. "And the reason why Shannon's death has been bothering him so much for all these years is because the day before she got killed along with Kelly, Troy called her and told her the truth."

**oOoOoOoOoOoO0**

**(Tony)**

We like had a massive silent debate on who should ride with who. I mean, I was willing to allow Ziva to take my car and also take McGeek with her because I hated riding in a car with the Elf Lord. He itched at my nerves, got under my skin. But then Abby wanted to ride with him as well as take the boxes with the evidence and her machines with her. And I really and truly didn't want to ride alone with Gibbs…in a car…for like more than half hour.

In the end as we prepared that very same day to head out: Ziva, McGee and Abby decided to pull straws for it all: shorter ones got the van and longer ones went with Gibbs. Crazily, Abby left one straw like really long and I pulled that one. In the process of debating with her, Gibbs walked into the garage, threw one look at us and sighed.

"DiNozzo, you're with me."

I turned to Ziva with a surprised look on my face and heard Abby snort.

"He always chooses you. Made us _waste_ these straws anyway", she said and frowned at the one in her hand.

"Gives him more time to head slap you, I guess", McGee suggested. "Watching your every move, big head."

I glared at him. "Shut it, Elf Lord."

"Just saying…" he said and shrugged.

"Well _don't_ say!" and I snatched up my backpack, and then eyed Gibbs standing by his car talking to someone on his cell.

Turning to Ziva as she climbed into the driver's side, I made a pleading face at her, silently asking her to trade places with me. But she winked, disappeared into my car and the engine started. As I watched them drive out, I decided that it couldn't be that bad. I mean, I could always shut up and drive in silence…maybe listen to the radio via my headphones. I could look out the window and ignore him. If he talked to me then…we'd go from there.

I walked around to the front seat, passenger's side and opened the door whilst in the process of getting my headphones out my backpack. And just as I reached for the door, his hand appeared out of nowhere and our fingers met. But this time, he did not move aside his hand, he just kept it where it was, and I took it to mean that he was ascertaining his move. In other words, he wanted to get the door, and I shouldn't be standing in his way, so I moved aside.

"Sorry", I said avoiding his eyes. "I didn't know you would want me to…drive."

He never really answered you know, but just stood there until I was forced to look up at him, questioning him with my eyes. There was something there in those blue wide eyes that I couldn't like process, because his eyes were most times unreadable. But I found myself gazing into them a little too long, especially since I noticed that they were finely streaked with red, a bit moist from crying…

And then is when I moved towards him, just to open the door, expecting him to move backwards and towards the other side of the car. He didn't. Instead, I moved into him, too close, and I found myself as close as close could get. This was awkward to be this close to Gibbs. I mean, it wasn't the first time we were this close, but the situation was different.

I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine. And all I could think about was how his lips would feel on mine, what did he taste like and how would he react if I only touched him. Those whirlwind of images came back to me, playing slowly at the back of my eyes and as they danced the foxtrot, I began to feel nauseous.

The first time he sat on me in autopsy to aid in a demonstration was the first to flash by. I could feel his soft hand grabbing mine, pinning me, back against him, his warm breath against my bare neck as we stood there in front of Ducky. And then he had me on the floor, him on top. I could have felt him on my stomach, that firm bulge in his pants when he placed his palms on either side of my face. And even then, before I could register how long and hard he was, he had turned my neck to one side and cracked it. That was when I suddenly caught my senses.

Grabbing the keys from him, I skipped around to the other side of the car, face already burning up and pulled the door open. When I got in, he was still standing there. I dared not peek at him because I was burning up now and I felt like shit about it. I mean, where were these feelings coming from? I didn't want to kiss him! I wasn't gay. I was straight and had a thing going on with Ziva. That was it, no…gulp…cocks, dicks, whatever you called them. I preferred the…other…thing. That was my style. I could work my way around…those.

I already had the engine running when he climbed in, eyes fixed to the front. And I stepped on the gas, throwing us both back in our seats as I drove out of the garage and into the Navy Yard.

Four minutes into the drive, he said nothing. We just sat there, I hummed, fondled with the radio knob and found a rock and roll station then thought better of it and switched it to a country western station. Then I began to hum, brushing my hair back as I checked in the rearview mirror. But no matter how much I tried to push the thoughts aside as I drove, I thought of Gibbs.

I thought about how he felt against me, how he smelt, and what was he thinking right then? There wasn't a chance to glance over at him, couldn't try that. He knew everything and if Abby was correct about him reading minds…

Almost an hour into the drive it was and still no conversation. It was my mistake to initiate one.

"So…what did I do now, boss?" I said looking straight ahead, hands gripping the wheel.

He sighed. "What makes you think you _did_ something, DiNozzo?"

I scoffed. "Like, um, you haven't spoken a word in almost an hour!" It was then that I braved a glance at him. He didn't look at me.

"Don't feel like talking."

"It's something I did", I said pressing him on. "Something I did or said…something I said –"

"Tony…"

That one did shut me up. His tone of voice, the way he said my name was more like him begging me to stop or relax, get over something. So I turned to look at him, side glancing at the road ahead and frowned.

"Boss…?"

"I don't feel like talking", he said slowly.

"About the case, or everything in particular?"

His lips tugged into a smile and he sighed again. "Talk if you want. Just don't expect me –"

"…to answer", I said completing his sentence. He nodded and smiled. "I'm used to that one, Gibbs. You hardly ever talk. You just –"

"…listen", he said completing mine now.

"Yeah…" and I took deep breaths in. If there was one thing I hated was knowing that Gibbs was listening. I mean the guy could just be analyzing every single word I said. "Pertaining to the case, how do you know –"

"DiNozzo!" he complained, turning to look at me, eyes wide. I almost ran into a blue sedan and had to turn the wheel sharply to get into the other lane.

"What? You never said to not discuss the_ case!_"

"Well then don't discuss it."

"Like don't discuss it _now_ or don't discuss it _ever_ because we have to discuss it", and laughed. "It's my job, your job…we're a team."

"Don't discuss it now."

"But you already started me up so you gotta talk about it –"

He sighed and shook his head, then shifted in his seat, rolled his eyes.

"This guy Troy…" and I made sure that I glanced sideways at him to see if he flinched, moved, eyes suddenly become misty. His face was expressionless. "What's his story?"

"There is no story", Gibbs said calmly and he checked in the rearview mirror, tapped his fingers on the door, eyes focused.

"You two were friends, Gibbs."

"And somehow you get this weird idea that there's a story", he stated, "that there was more between us."

He suddenly stopped, realizing that he had said enough, a little more than expected. I watched from the corner of my eye as his eyes grew a little wide, they blinked several times too many and then he swallowed. Before he could glance at me to see if I had noticed, I kept my eyes ahead, face calm still. But there was something more to what he had said. I could feel it. I knew it as well. And I wanted to press more.

"You two were close…"

There was no response so I decided to lighten things up and make fun of the situation. How wrong was I yet?

"You scratched his back, he scratched yours sorta thing huh?" I swerved to avoid some jackass in on a motorbike who obviously wanted someone to pick a bone with that day. "So what's this deal about Stan? I mean the guy struck me as gay the first time I met him, like he has a thing for you." And I recognized my car ahead of us.

"And what sort of_ thing_ is that?" he asked plainly. He caught me off guard because I wasn't prepared to explain the situation.

"Like he…loves you romantically, er, intimately sorta thing –" I shrugged, cleared my throat and rubbed my thumbs on the steering wheel. "I mean, that's crazily weird huh? How could you like work with him under those circumstances?"

"And that bothers you?"

"No", I said in disbelief then half laughed. My chest pained weirdly and I felt my heart strain, I couldn't take a deep breath properly. Gripping the wheel I swallowed and frowned. Suddenly I was picturing Stan pole dancing in a bar, wearing a shiny red leotard, rubbing his crotch to the beat of the music. "I'm just asking."

"If you're asking, it bothers you."

"It really doesn't. I was just…look, I don't need to know." The pole dancing Stan turned to me and winked, held up a hand and pointed a finger at me.

"Ya think?" he asked matter-of-factly. "Don't know how Stan bothers you. Unless you're jealous –"

"Woah", I said cutting him off. "Why would I be jealous of Stan? I don't…I would never wear pants that tight! Nor would I be at a gay bar. I mean, why would you think I'd be jealous of…him?"

"Oh I saw the expression on your face the first time you met him when we were working that case and I actually hugged him, paid attention to him -"

"I was not jealous!" He was getting at me! I tried to shut down my feelings, pretend to be close up like Ziva but it wasn't working.

"You were", he said calmly, drummed his fingers still on the dashboard. "Feel bad about me never hugging you?"

"No!" I said too quickly knowing to myself that I had always been aching inside for him to hug me. It wasn't something guys did but ever since that one day when I saw him treat Stan the way he did, I had wanted him to treat me the same way. And I was jealous. But I wasn't prepared to admit that to him.

"He was a darn good agent."

"And you're saying I'm not." I was somehow getting angry at him.

"He had control over his mouth, knew when to shut up and when to talk. Never had that problem with him."

"Maybe it's because he was always affected by you when he was working for you", I said through my teeth. "Maybe he was_ intimated_ by you."

"Him being gay never bothered me, we were close, if he had something for me it wasn't that obvious. Besides", and he looked out the window as if he hadn't said one insulting word to me, "those things never affected me."

"Just like how Troy being gay and being your best bud when you were younger never affected you", I said straight up.

I knew I did catch him. At some point he had to have judged Troy, Stan and questioned his judgment about whether he was open minded or prejudice. I wanted to know that I wasn't the only one who had that problem where I felt a bit threatened when other males that were gay tried to get close. But he wasn't showing a sign of being affected. The dude was all cool and stuff.

"That's none of your business."

"Oh it is, Gibbs", I said gripping the wheel and making a sharp turn. "In case you haven't noticed, this case involves asking those questions. Guess what? Since you're emotionally _tied _to the case, if I have to ask the questions, I will."

"You're telling me I can't do my job now?"

"Just like how you told me just a few seconds ago that I don't have control of my mouth, I am not as good as Stan was…"

"Oh don't get too tied up in this case", he said and turned to look at me.

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't like what you'll find out."

"This is a pointless conversation."

'Then shut up", he said to me.

We drove the rest of the way in silence.

**(Gibbs)**

When we got there, I threw open the door, and stepped out of the car, feeling great that I could stretch my legs. He threw open his door and stepped out, slammed it close. I looked at him, he avoided my eyes.

"Where do we set up, Gibbs?" Ziva asked coming my way. She threw a glance at Tony then at me, her eyebrows raised. "Something happened between you two?"

"You can set up in the garage."

I turned to see my father standing by the store door, beaming, hands on his hips. But when my eyes met his and he saw my expression, his smile faded. I held our gaze as Abby rushed up to him and threw her arms around him, embracing him. And then as Ziva walked around to Tony, I walked up unto the pavement.

"Great to see you, dad", I said without emotion. He looked good, glowing and just like the plain Jackson Gibbs. Abby moved away so I could embrace him as well.

"Do they know?" he whispered into my ear as I held him close.

I leant in. "No, they don't."

"Well when are you going to –" I pulled away.

"You all should get yourself going to the motel", I said cutting his sentence off and I looked at Abby. "Meet me back here."

"Oh go with them and then come back", Jackson said patting my shoulder. "Unless you want to take the couch at my place, and since you're old already, it'll kill your back."

Abby snorted and so did Ziva. I turned to glare at them and they both opened their car doors together, diverting their eyes. McGee hopped in too and that left me with Tony once more. I turned to look at him as he stood by the driver's side and when our eyes met, I tried to smile. But he didn't. I had messed up with my stupid emotions once more, making it get the most of me. That's why I always shut my mouth and never talked a lot. I always said the wrong things.

"DiNozzo", dad said smiling at him. Tony smiled back stiffly, his eyes still on me.

"Jackson Gibbs…"

"How have you been, son?"

"Never been better", he said calmly, drumming his fingers on the roof of the car. "You?"

"Good, good…"

He waited there. I really didn't want to go back in the car.

"You coming, boss?"

"Why don't you just call him, Gibbs?" my father asked frustrated. "I understand he's your boss and all, but it just makes it sound too authoritative, blows his head up if you ask me –"

"I'm coming", I said, "give me a second."

"Sure", Tony said sarcastically and he ducked into the car, closing the door after him. I turned to my father.

"You have to tell them, Leroy. They're going to find out eventually you know", he began as soon as our eyes met. I wasn't surprised with his concern to meddle.

I sighed, searching his eyes. "I can't…do it. It's too much."

"So you'd rather they find out just like that instead of you telling them?"

I found myself nodding, and then reached up to run my fingers through my hair, frustrated. I could feel Tony's eyes on me as he sat waiting.

"Leroy, there are things we never want to discuss with the people that are close to us, but then sometimes we have to tell them or else we lose their trust in us." He was trying to make me feel vulnerable now, soften up to him.

"No", I said firmly.

"Have it your way. And since when are you getting heads up to work this case? I thought they said something about not working one when you're personally involved in it?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about", I said softly, "I'm not going to be the one asking the questions this time."

Dad was searching my eyes this time. "Then who will be, Director Vance?"

I shook my head then sighed. He could read my eyes clearly every single time. "DiNozzo…"

"Oh", he said looking back into the car. "I can already feel the tension between the two of you. He's not laughing, being a clown…"

"Right", was all I said. "Can you try to not say too much?"

"You mean to not tell him, your team, the truth?"

"Tell them as much as you can but –"

"Not the part about –"

"Uh huh", I said cutting him off. "I know you love to tell a story. Just not this time, dad."

"If that other one, Ziva, interrogates me then I'll talk." And he smiled. "She's a hot one. I answer to hot ladies."

"Dad", I protested and figured there was no point in arguing, "see ya later."

"You two, Leroy."

And our way to the motel, he didn't utter a word to me. I figured that I had swung too low enough when I told him he talked too much, compared him with Stan. But he was prying and I didn't want him to. I didn't want him asking me questions yet I was the one who was supposed to be answering to every damn thing. I felt like retiring right there and then, preferring to hide it all out since when this case was over, I'd probably be less respected for who I was to him, to my team. I had been hiding stuff from all of them for so long now. I felt like shit, to be brief about it.

"Two rooms…" Abby said when we got there, frowning. "The guys in one and the girls in the other?"

"I'll take the couch like Jackson proposed", I said to her.

"That's not good for your back, Gibbs", Abby said plainly. "Just hold on let's see. Um…So how're we gonna do this?" she asked looking around whilst I fished out my cellphone and checked my messages.

"McGee with you, and Tony with me", Ziva said. "Unless…"

"The girls in one room…Tony, Gibbs and I in another?" McGee suggested.

"I'm not taking a room with you, McGeek."

I turned to glare at Tony and he glared back.

"I'll stay with the girls, there're two beds in each room. They'll take one and I'll –"

"I don't want to take one by myself!" McGee protested.

"You'll share with Gibbs!"

"Why don't you share with…" they all noticed I was there.

"Tony, you and Gibbs share the same room", Abby said smiling. "Ziva and I will take one bed and McGee…" she turned to glare at him. "He'll take the other bed, by himself."

"Fine then", Tony said and he turned to me to see if I agreed.

"You all get unpacked; meet me back at the store." And then I turned to look at Tony. "Leave me out of this and divide yourselves. I'll stay with dad. And since you don't want to share a room with McGee", I said still looking at DiNozzo. "You can have a room all to yourself then."

When I turned away, I knew he made a face behind me. Hopping into the car, I smiled.

They never did return to the store that night and I figured that they were tired enough. So I did let it pass by without protesting or making a big deal about it. This case was draining me enough already with all the fear and anticipation whirling around in my head.

That night I just couldn't sleep not because the couch was too hard, but because memories of Troy, Shannon and what happened years ago bothered me. Stuff I said buzzed around in my head, things I believed I should not have done, should have told her, him. And yet, yet I didn't want anyone else to know what had happened back then. I wanted not to talk, to be stubborn and refuse to.

But in the morning when the team came back to dad's store, DiNozzo was determined to get answers. I usually admired that trait in him but this time, I found it really annoying. Of all the people who could help work this case, it had to be him being my Senior Agent on this one. Dammit.

"I was thinking we could start by asking you some questions, Jackson", Tony said calmly as they stood about. Instantly I looked at my father.

"Fire away", Jackson said cheerfully, "although I'd love if the ladies asked me the questions. You might just get more answers out of me if Ziva did." He smiled. I wanted to kick him.

"When was the last time you saw, or heard about Troy Stephens?" Tony asked, and he sat down on the table, so did dad.

"Last time I saw him was last year when they had that fair thing going on at the church", Jackson said calmly and smiled. "Hell he looked good and all. I mean the war could suck the life out of people but he looked good enough."

**(DiNozzo)**

I could feel his damn eyes on me as I asked the questions, probably trying to intimidate me to stop. But I wasn't going to. If the questions had to be asked, they had to and I was going to do it. He couldn't run this case with the state he was in, not at all. Whether Gibbs liked it or not, he'd never get into this one because he didn't seem to have the guts to ask the questions. I knew why: he didn't want answers. But I'd find them.

And plus I had a great night with Ziva and woke up feeling all mushy inside. The sex that night was great. Oh yeah we had completed our date alright and boy did she give the full 100% while she was at it to make up for time lost the other night. When we were finished, it took a while to catch our breaths but we did.

"I heard about him this morning when Leroy called to tell me he had passed along", he said and glanced at Gibbs. "Gibbs and Troy go way back."

"I know that", I said avoiding Gibbs' eyes.

Jackson said calmly. "In fact, Troy's parents still live at the same place they used to back then, Gibbs. You might want to ask them whatever you agents ask people." And he smiled. "What have you gotten so far?" he asked and turned to look at Abby then Ziva.

"Oh we haven't found a murder weapon as yet", Abby said and smiled back at him, "you do have a charming smile. Quite unlike Gibbs…who…hardly…smiles –"

"We know that Troy was killed by someone striking him on his right temple with a wooden plank", Ziva said cutting Abby off. "And he was raped, which makes it a very vengeful situation. Nothing was stolen which rules out theft and so far –"

"We spoke to his Commander in charge, said ever since Stephens left the Marines last year, he never heard back from him and…" and I trailed off.

"You have nothing in other words", Jackson suggested. "Look maybe you can think about this as a hate crime. Troy had always been gay for most of his life. And there were always people _hating_ on him, ask Leroy here. He knew better than anyone else that the boy was targeted for who he was. Leroy here used to try to make him feel as if those things weren't that _big_ a deal by –"

"Dad…" Gibbs said cutting in.

"Well, no one would know who'd set out to hurt him more than _you_, Leroy", Jackson said looking at Gibbs. "You knew his friends, had the same friends as he did. If this was a murder then you should dig into your past and remember who your friends were and who hated Troy just because he was gay."

I was looking at Gibbs, watching his face. And something did pass over it. He was definitely hiding something. Maybe Shannon had liked Troy and Gibbs had been the one to act all hero-like and break the news to her that Troy was gay? That could be a lead.

"There were few people who knew."

"What? With the way he _walked_, acted and dressed in those _tight_ jeans? You of all people shouldn't stand there and tell me that no one knew –"

"What would we find at his house?" Gibbs asked cutting off Jackson. "Nothing of importance."

"You'd know his room like the back of your hand –"

"Dad…"

"He stayed there when he was here last year or whenever he came by", Jackson said looking at me. "I'd say you should check there."

"Alright that's a start", I said looking at Gibbs. "We should go now…?" Even though I felt entirely angry at him and wanted to not ask him anything, I felt the need to get his permission. He was still my boss.

"You stay with Abby", he said diverting his eyes from mine. "Ziva, McGee, you're with me."

"Gibbs", Ziva was looking at him, then at Abby. "Abby and I were still processing Troy's clothes when we left."

"I'd like her to help me finish it off", Abby said and her face moved into that pleading cute face as she looked up at Gibbs.

I looked at Gibbs and he sighed, took his car keys out of his jeans pocket and began to walk out the store. So he could take McGee with him alone for all I cared, I could –

"DiNozzo, McGee, _come on_."

I made a dash for the backseat and won ahead of McGee who ended up taking the front. He made a face at me, surprised at my move and I stuck my tongue out at him. He did the same.

"You two gonna quit behaving like kids?" Gibbs asked as he started the engine.

"Boss, last night I continued to try to get something off Troy's phone SIM and I did." He seemed to be waiting on confirmation to continue. What a pet.

"Go on", Gibbs said as he drove.

"Well someone called the Stephens right before he was murdered in the alleyway via a landline with the same area code. Maybe that someone made Troy go out of the bar to meet him in the alleyway."

I was intrigued. "To do what?"

"Maybe to set up a fix?"

"Troy never did drugs", Gibbs said. We both looked at him. "He was clean. If someone was calling him, made him go out the bar for a meet, it had to be someone he knew."

"Or maybe someone was threatening him…" I suggested.

"To tell someone he didn't want to know that he was gay?" McGee asked. I pondered on it and I could tell Gibbs was doing the same.

"But Troy never liked confrontations. He avoided them." I played around with it, studied what Gibbs said.

He turned into a wide dusty road and drove along. The sun was already burning up, the car interior hot.

"You haven't seen or talked to him in years, boss", I said to him. "People change."

"Why would he use a fake name for so long?" McGee asked none of us in particular. "He had to be hiding, running away from something."

"Yeah, he had to", Gibbs agreed. "But what?"

"Maybe an old enemy? Someone who hated him for a while? Or maybe he rubbed shoulders with a bad egg, someone who kept coming back to taunt, threaten him?" I asked. "Boss, who –"

"If you're gonna ask me if he had enemies, DiNozzo, he had a lot. Back then no one appreciated a gay person around here, much less if he was a Marine. Hell they used to taunt him yeah, but Troy could hold his own. He wasn't weak; no one could get to him."

"Well someone did", McGee said as Gibbs stopped the car in front of a dilapidated house with white peeling walls, a slanted roof, picket fence and a nice flower bed up front. Looked like Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother's cottage if you asked me.

"Yeah", Gibbs said as we got out, "someone did."

A very small woman answered the door wearing the smallest spectacles on the face of the earth. And I immediately smelt burnt cookies and sugar on her. My insides squirmed because I had not eaten breakfast that morning.

"Oh how may I help you?" she asked beaming at us, a few teeth missing.

"Mrs. Stephens", Gibbs said holding up his badge to her, "I'm Special Agent Gibbs, Special Agent McGee and –"

"Leroy?" she asked peering up at him. "Is that you?"

I was enjoying myself right about then, my insides itching to poke the boss and say 'grandma's talking to ya'. Smile.

"Yeah", Gibbs said and smiled at her. "You remember me?"

"_Remember_ you?" and she seemed taken aback by his question. "Dear God how could we forget you? Sam? Sam, guess who's at the door?"

"Jesus", a grumpy voice stated from inside somewhere. I snorted and Gibbs turned to look at me.

There was a shuffling of newspapers from somewhere behind her and then a greying man about the same age as Jackson Gibbs came into view. He was wearing Farmer Browns. No one wore Farmer Browns anymore. I frowned at the whole setting before me and felt as if I was at Old McDonald's farm.

As they made their introductions, McGee and I found ourselves hanging back a little. And I took the time to tell him something that was bothering me.

"Is it just me or is Gibbs holding back information on the case?"

He looked at me and frowned. "I think so too."

I felt relieved. "You noticed how he was cutting in on what Jackson was saying back at the store?"

"Yeah", he said, "but I don't get all of this. I mean, why is he working the case in the first place? Does Vance know his relation to the case at all?"

"If Vance knew we wouldn't be standing here, McGee", I pointed out to him. "He's hiding stuff from us."

"I agree yeah." His eyes moved around and rested on a potion bottle of some sort. "But he's giving you room to ask your questions, do the investigation. He's not stepping in…back at the store."

"Only because I'm pushing for answers", I noted, glancing around the house as Gibbs and Troy's parents went further in. They were asking him about the Marines and what job he did now. Apparently they had already gotten the news about Troy's death from a friend down in D.C. "He's not even helping _here_!" I demanded in heavy whispers. "I mean, how _could_ you get Gibbs of all people to talk? It's never been his sorta thing."

McGee picked up a small ornament of some sort from the mantelpiece, studied it. "Good luck with that."

I looked at him flabbergasted. "We're all in this together, McGee! We all got to ask the questions."

"_Me_ ask Gibbs to talk? Me… I don't think so."

"You're better off doing forensics with Abby", I stated frustrated. "I'll have to use Ziva on this one. She'll know what to say."

"Then do that", he said calmly and then turned to me. "Look, I'm not the type of person to question people like Gibbs. He's the boss. I just go with the flow, do as he asks me to." I glared at him. "And when you ask me to. But that's not the point. He's not the type to question. Only people like Franks and Jenny could have done that. You're senior agent. Maybe he'd answer to you as well."

"I tried", I said and sighed. My chest ached somehow. "Didn't work."

"Did you get head slapped?"

I turned to glare at him again. "No I did not get head slapped, McGeek."

"You two", Gibbs said coming forward, "room's upstairs. Or are you waiting on me to show you where it is?"

"That would be good, boss so we could –" he glared at me. "Shutting up now."

"I'll show you where it is, boys", Mrs. Stephens said coming towards us. That toothless grin was getting to me. Those sort of women ended up being killers in movies, the ones who grew Dracula fangs and leapt at you when you least expected it.

"Boss, you coming?" I asked looking at her nervously.

"No, I'm just going to stand around here and _admire_ the place, DiNozzo."

I did shut up until we got upstairs. But walking behind an old woman up a staircase wasn't exactly my idea of something nice. If she fell I'd have to catch her, and time seemed to go by slowly as she hobbled up in front of us. Turning to Gibbs, I made a face at him. He actually smiled at me. I didn't even realize what I had done until a few seconds after and when I considered it, I felt a weight lift off my chest. Me, being angry at him made me feel bad. I couldn't do it for too long.

Troy had a…very gay room to be exact. The place was loaded with posters with bands like the Beatles, Beach Boys, ABBA, even Air Supply oh yeah…My eyes felt happy when I saw Boy George, George Michael and Queen. And his vanity, I mean which guy had so many perfumes in one go? He had like twenty or more fragrances along with bottles of cream. He had to be like what…over fifty and he was still concerned about his looks, skin care? This had to be a stud.

"No offense to Troy or you Gibbs", I said pawing through Troy's wardrobe, "but you had a very gay friend." I looked at him and saw him smile.

"He loved those shirts."

The man had an assortment of bright colored shirts along with this pink long sleeved one that had me going. Plus, just like the denim long sleeved jacket thing that was in Brokeback Mountain, this guy had one of those with part of the front ripped away, smeared with dirt. I frowned and moved away from there, joining McGee who was examining the contents from the draws.

It was then when he glanced back at Gibbs, then Mrs. Stephens at the door and then at me.

"What?" I asked looking at him.

"This…" he held up a picture that was hidden under a manual of some sort in the draw with two boys: one was definitely Troy and the other…

"Gibbs…" I said quietly, studying his teenage face, laughing blue eyes and his plaid shirt, faded blue jeans. "He was actually young once."

"They look…" McGee cleared his throat, "close…"

"Of course", I said snatching the picture from him. "They were best friends."

The younger version of Gibbs was handsome; well what do you want me to say: was handsome just as the older version? Well yeah he was. And he had his right arm around Troy, the two of them laughing at whoever was taking the picture, their bodies close to each other like the best of friends. I turned the picture around and read the caption at the back:

_**Lee and I,**_

_**Summer 1966**_

_S_o people actually called him Lee too. That was new. I smiled to myself imaging me calling him Lee and the back of my head began to tingle.

"I think we should show him", McGee whispered.

"Of course not!" I said in heavy whispers. "It might bring back…painful memories!"

"Suppose this was found on Troy? He'd still have to _see_ it."

"We can't show him this. Put it back."

"No", he said stubbornly.

"Always wants to suck up to Gibbs…" I said and snatched the picture from him. He snatched it back, putting on a mean face.

"He'd want it."

"Teacher's pet", I jeered and made a face at him. "Go ahead and give him a shiny apple too since you're in the mood."

McGee shook his head at me and sighed. "Shut up."

"Put it back!"

He purposely rolled his eyes at me, and then turned to look for Gibbs.

**(Gibbs)**

I couldn't believe that he had kept the jacket with him after all these years. It was bought at a local store right here in Stillwaters years ago when we were still in high school. And I could even remember him asking me on numerous occasions to borrow it, said it would make him look handsome enough. I never did lend him until that day when we he had stepped in and saved me from getting my face smashed in by those idiots.

"_Pansy…you gotta get Troy-Girl to save you. Fight Troy-Girl. Oh how he loves you, Leroy. Why don't you two kiss and make out? Oh wait, you've already done that, haven't you?"_

I could feel tears form in my eyes as I took up the right sleeve, fingered the material and lifted it to my nose. He had worn it too because I could smell his cologne even if. I never did forget what it was, how he smelt. Never could.

"Boss", it was McGee. I turned to look at him, not caring if my eyes were tearing up.

"What you got, McGee?"

He held out a picture. "This…thought you'd want to have a…look."

I took it from him and examined it. Instantly I remembered where it was taken, the very day and what we had been doing.

It had been the hot summer of '66 back when we the girls would be out selling lemonade, wearing short summer dresses and smiles. And we used to pass our time away by playing marbles, or even driving my car around showing off. That very day we had been arguing about me and Shannon. He had been troubling me about how she never could take her eyes off me and how he was jealous, how he wished he was her to…

"_You'd love me more if I was a girl like Shannon. Hell, you know I'd do as much as she could for you, Lee."_

I took the picture from McGee and noticed Mrs. Stephens standing by the door.

"You're welcome to keep anything from in here, Leroy", she said with a sad smile on her face. "He'd want you to have_ anything _in here. You two were so close. Troy loved you more than any other person he ever knew."

I knew she would have said it. But I never did believe that it was true. After all these years he still had feelings for me? What was I to believe? Looking around, I glanced at DiNozzo.

"I'll be downstairs", I said softly, pleading with him silently to do his job, look around, not ask me questions.

"You do that, boss", he said quietly and turned to examine whatever was left of Troy. Mrs. Stephens followed me downstairs. And I allowed her to, smiling as she offered to have me sit at the table whilst she poured some lemonade for me to drink.

"It's a hot day", she said and handed me the cup then patted my head. "And just like old times, a cup of lemonade always does the job."

It was as if she was remembering the summers when I'd spend my money just to buy the lemonade that Shannon sold at her stand.

"Leroy", she said sitting on a chair at the table with me, her eyes searching mine. Troy had had her eyes, those grey eyes that always appeared kind and welcome. "Who could have done this to Troy?"

I sighed, drank some lemonade. "If I only knew", I said quietly. "Was there anyone he mentioned in particular that was threatening him?"

She thought about it, shook her head and frowned. "But that was part of his life", she said sadly. "From the time he admitted he was gay to me, I knew he'd have a hard life. People always picked on him, made fun of him, but you were the only one who never judged him."

"I know", I said quietly. "He was a good man."

"So are you. And that's why he loved you for all these years. When you got married, Leroy, I can't lie and tell you that he wasn't devastated nor was he unhappy. But he –"

"…always wanted more", I said, remembered and swallowed hard.

"And when he heard that Shannon and Kelly died years ago, he wanted to find you, talk to you and mend things up. But he always said that you made yourself unreachable, always dodging him and making excuses."

I had broken one of my rules just because of him. Somewhere in the house a clock chimed and I swore that I could remember that very same chime from years ago.

"I couldn't go back there", I said. "It was too much."

"He understood", she said sadly.

"That was his problem", I said sadly, 'he always did when no one understood me, when no one understood why I never talked much, never meddled with others much. He understood what it was like."

And when we were back in the store that evening, I just told them that I needed to go walk somewhere for a while, clear my head. Turning off my cell, I walked down Main Street, past the window I had first seen Shannon in, and reached all the way to the train station. It had turned from early afternoon to almost dark when I got there.

Sitting on the very same bench I had sat on when we first talked, I looked around as the night wind swept in and around me, rustling leaves. I looked towards the other bench and wished that she was sitting there and I could talk to her, tell her what I never did get to tell her. How I was sorry and never meant to do what I did. But she wasn't there.

I needed someone to tell me that the feelings I had for Tony wasn't weird or unacceptable, that nothing was wrong with me. I wanted to know that it was okay to love, that someone could reassure me, help me to get over what I was feeling for him, make it stop. And this case was only making it worst.

I wished Troy was there with me because he'd understand how I was feeling. He'd make it alright and tell me that loving another man didn't make you insane, it meant that you were human.

**(DiNozzo)**

Whilst Ziva and McGee went back to the motel to have their early sleep that night, I stayed behind and helped Abby run through stuff we had found in Troy's room. And all the time I couldn't stop thinking about where Gibbs had gone off to for so long and what he was doing. It was normal of me to worry about him like the way I did. But then I began to find myself wondering if he had somehow become emotional over the whole 'going back to Troy's house' thing and he had gone off to cry it off, or worst…drink.

It kept nagging at me whilst I searched through bits of paper that I had bagged from Troy's room, searching for hidden answers, names, anything that would give us something. I suddenly wanted to help Gibbs as much as I could to solve the case because Troy was his best friend and I had begun to realize how hard it must be for him to work this one. If it was me, I'd be holding back too. I'd be fretting if people close to me asked me questions.

"He must be really sad", Abby said as she went through some magazines that we found under Troy's mattress. "Poor Gibbs…"

"Oh he is alright", Jackson said coming to the table. I picked up a diary of some sort and began leafing through it as he sat down. "This is just really hard for him."

"We can only imagine", Abby said, "considering how little he's telling us about it all."

"Well he wasn't ever the type to explain how he felt at all", Jackson said observing the evidence scattered across the table. "But somehow Troy could make him open up."

"It's nice to have at least one person to confide in", Abby said frowning. "If you keep it all inside, you eventually explode."

"Leroy didn't explode, he metamorphosed into someone who hides behind a façade, trying to forget the past when you just can't…"

"Especially his past", I said quietly, reading Troy's handwriting across the page. "Shannon, Kelly…"

"Yeah, that was as much as he could take."

This place was so quiet as compared to D.C. No vehicles passed by nor could you hear people talking around here. The silence was good though but it forced me to think more, listen to my thoughts, pick up stuff like when my heart would start beating fast when things happened…when Gibbs was around. What was happening to me? There was only one explanation but I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't be having feelings for him like that. I was just being curious right?

"But he seems to be…" and Abby stopped what she was doing, her eyes wandered, "…_too_ distracted with this case. He's worked cases before involving friends, but _never_ has he been this emotional, I could like see it in his eyes."

"Love does that to people", Jackson said softly. His eyes showed that he was lost in another world.

"What's the story, Jacskon?" I asked because I had had enough with Gibbs not telling me the entire story. I wanted answers and the faster we got them, then we could take leads and solve the case. If people kept holding back information then we'd get nowhere, Gibbs would only fall into depression over this and things would go downhill.

"You know he told me not to tell you more", he said looking at me, frowning. Somewhere in the distance, a bell tolled. It echoed through the night and I felt the urge to get up and go find Gibbs.

"But we need to know _more_", I said looking around, outside. "We need to know more so that we could get _somewhere_ in this case."

"And Gibbs is not telling…" Abby stated, meeting Jackson's eyes. "There's only_ one_ other person who knows more."

Jackson looked sad. "Me…"

"Yup…" He looked at Abby and sighed.

"Leroy and Troy were high school rivals", he said softly after a while. I looked up and listened, hoping he'd tell us more. "From the first day they started high school together, they always were arguing with each other, falling out. I remember the many times Troy would come here _demanding _that I tell Leroy to leave him alone, to stop bugging him." And he smiled. "It was just after his mother died…Leroy's mother, so he was always finding someone to lash out at."

"Aww", Abby said stopping what she was doing to listen. "But I thought you said they were best friends?"

"I was getting to that. See, it got to a point where one day, I heard the two of them out front laughing and talking over something so I peeked outside. And lo and behold they were sharing some joke. I remembered me actually being happy to see Leroy smile again after such a long time. Never really thought about what changed between those two but something happened."

I was frozen in my chair as I listened, hanging unto every word.

"Then one day he comes to me and sits right here at this table whilst I was sweeping the floor. And he says 'dad, Troy's gay'. Of course I had picked it up, noticed it and was going to talk to him about it. But to hear him come to me and _admit_ it…He _never_ did talk to me one on one like that after his ma died. But when he did that day, I _knew_ it had to be important so I stopped to listen. And that is when he told me the truth about him and this Stephens kid."

Abby's eyes were wide as saucers as she listened, her fingers gripping the table's edge too.

"Said Troy liked him, not the sorta like where you meet someone and you like them because they like to play the same sport as you or they liked the same model of car as you do. More like Troy had feelings for him. Now imagine just a seventeen year old sitting here trying to tell me this. He sounded uncomfortable about it, said how that's why they used to fight because Troy would make moves on him and he'd try to make him stop. But after a while, the two of them started to patch things up and before I knew it, they were the best of friends."

"And nothing more happened?" I asked, "there was no guy threatening to run Troy over, that sorta thing? I mean, we're looking for motive here, we're –"

Jackson held up his hand. "DiNozzo, you're thinking _too_ much like an investigator here", he said calmly. "What you need to do is to get out of that agent mode and see what you're missing all the time that's _right_ in front of you."

I was confused, searched his eyes for answers but saw none. "What am I missing?"

Jackson turned to look at Abby and smiled at her. Something passed between them and then I heard her gasp.

"Ohhh", she said smiling. "I now get it. This is…_awesome_! I mean, not like okay awesome, but like I'd never expect Gibbs to do that 'awesome'!"

"Women always get it just like Shannon did."

"What did I miss?" I asked looking from him to Abby. I never missed stuff! I always caught on!

"Tell him, Abby", Jackson said calmly as he examined a fingernail, avoiding my eyes.

Abby sighed and turned to me, her eyes soft, she was smiling. "Gibbs and Troy…don't you get it, Tony?"

"Uh, _no_", I said totally not getting it.

She looked at me flabbergasted. "Men!" she exclaimed. "Come on! Women always seem to pick these things up and guys_ never_ do."

"What's she talking about, Jackson?" I asked looking at him for answers. I was getting annoyed now.

"Leroy and Troy were _romantically_ involved with each other", he said and sighed. "Don't believe you made me say it although I don't feel comfortable saying those things once –"

"Wait, what?" I asked in disbelief. And then I laughed. "You're_ joking _right, come on…tell me what I'm missing."

"A brain for a start", Abby said and sighed. "Knew he'd never believe."

"Their senior year in high school, right before they both decided to sign up for the Marines, they were what we used to call in love and seeing each other, well without even me knowing. I found out the hard way when I one night I went out to play Bingo, came back too early and caught the two of them making out on my sofa. That sofa was –"

"Gibbs dated Troy?" I asked, and my insides were closing up on me. Jackson had frozen, a hand in midair as he was about to declare how upset he was about that sofa. Suddenly I felt dizzy and extremely upset in the stomach. My heart began to thump in my chest, I couldn't breathe. "They _slept _together?"

"As in them having sex, yes", Abby said turning to look at me as if she couldn't believe I wasn't getting it. "That's what he's saying, Tony."

I got up, ran my fingers through my hair, eyes wild and I began to pace the room. I couldn't believe it! This was absurd and totally unbelievable, totally unexpected! This was what he was hiding from us, from me? And Stan, that's why he had behaved that way when I brought Stan up! But my feelings for him…what the hell was going on here? Was he consciously playing with me, playing with my mind? I suddenly wanted to get out of there and find him, make him tell me this face to face.

I wanted to shout at him, ask him why he had been hiding this from me all these years when I trusted him, expected him to tell me the truth. But then again, look how long I had to wait to find out that Shannon and Kelly existed. Gibbs! Damn you!

"You remind me of him pacing the floor like that", Jackson commented, watching me. "And the reason why Shannon's death has been bothering him so much for all these years is because the day before she got killed along with Kelly, Troy called her and told her the truth."

"What?" Abby asked looking dumbfounded. "You're kidding me right?"

Jackson shook his head, looked at me. "The boy just couldn't hold it in anymore, felt he _had _to do it, _had_ to tell her about it all."

"But _why_?"

He looked at Abby. "Same question I've been asking him for all these years: why marry when you don't _love_ the person you're marrying. Why marry those women when they can't give you what you _want_. Why even bother…he's just trying to get something that he can't get like that. After all those years he avoided me, I found it in myself to accept him and what he is, but he can't accept it. Don't know if he has up to now."

I was ripping off my gloves now, my heart racing, mad with rage. And I threw them on the table, my eyes darting to Abby then to the door.

"Tony…?"

I was going to find him, give him a piece of my mind right now. I didn't care where the hell he was or what he was thinking. He had to hear me out this time, had to answer for lying to me and making me look like a fool. And to think that he could mess with my mind, expect me to trust him, laugh with him and do my job with a liar.

I'd ask him downright if he was trying to intimidate me as he probably did with Stan because it wouldn't work. I wasn't that weak nor…did I have feelings for him. I couldn't think straight. And just as those feelings I had about him earlier came rushing over me, him kissing me, touching me, the store door opened and he walked in.

The silence that ensued, you could cut a knife through it. No one moved: all eyes were on him, as the wind whipped through the door and around him, stirring up the bottom of his dark coat. And the first person he looked at was me. He had to have been standing behind the door for a while.

His eyes were wet from crying, red and he was breathing hard. After he stared long and hard at his father, his eyes moved to mine and I met his with rage. And for a moment something passed over his face as he gazed at me, those blue eyes hanging on that moment with me. He was searching my face, trying to seek out meaning in me. But I threw up my walls and shut him out. I glared back at him hard and didn't even flinch when he bit back tears, trying to blink too fast to stop them from coming. His tears weren't going to move me now. I was surprised to see him break up like that but this situation hardened me. I wasn't sorry for him no more than he was sorry for lying to me for so long.

"I told you _not_ to tell them", he said quietly now looking at Jackson once more, "never could trust you!"

"Leroy, I…"

Gibbs turned on his heels and pulled open the door, striding outside and into the street. Gritting my teeth and ready to deal with him, I ignored Abby's protests and stalked out the door after him, my fists **clenched.**

**A/N – Hey, it's Abby here. I hope you enjoyed this chapter because it was long and I was telling Chad that maybe you'd zonk out halfway on us. Hope you didn't because we did put a lot of effort into putting this one together. The first chapters are the hardest then the others that follow fall into place. We were trying to decide on whether to place tension in this one and whether to even allow you to find out the truth here. Chad also wanted me to have Gibbs do something more intimate with Tony in this chapter but I said we should wait until the next chapter.**

**Apart from that, I hope we didn't bore you at some parts. I tried to write really good on Gibbs' part. Chad tried with DiNozzo but DiNozzo couldn't be himself after what he's going through right now with all of this tension building up. We tried to make him seem funny yes, but bothered as well. And we had to let someone tell the truth if it couldn't be Gibbs. We wanted it to be Jackson because only he would bring up the personal stuff like that. **

**Involving Abby in this revealing process was crucial because of all the team members; she's the one who holds them together emotionally when it's needed. She'll play a major part later down. And we ended it nicely, expecting you'd want MORE.**

**Stick with us please. We love you all and writing for you is what we love best.**


	4. Chapter 3

***We've held it back so long because this was the hardest chapter to write. But it was worth the wait, trust us. Read and see!***

**Chapter Three**

**Spoiler: **"Leave me alone", I warned further, "turn around and go. Just leave me alone."

"I know how you're feeling", he said sadly, and I heard strain in his voice.

"You can't possibly know how I feel!" I shouted at him. "You messed me up, dude, fucked me up terribly. Now I can't even do my job. I can't even think properly."

"I'm sorry!" he shouted at me, and as I turned on him to argue back, he rubbed his hands on his face roughly then made a frustrated sound that I never imagined Gibbs to ever make. He sounded weak as I was and terribly anguished too. "This is killing me!" he admitted without looking at me. "I just want you…out of my mind too. I want what I feel for you to stop! You think I want this? You think I called this on myself? Me of all people…" and he moved his hands away and threw them up, looked at me with tear soaked eyes and half laughed. "I swear to God, you drive me crazy. If this doesn't stop, if you don't stop it...Shannon, Kelly, Troy…I'll be so happy to see them."

oOoOoOo

**(DiNozzo)**

As soon as I threw open the door and went out to go after him, a gush of cold wind whipped around me and slammed the door shut with a bang. The sound ran like a gunshot through the quiet street, and I hoped that it didn't stir many people from what they were doing. If I did, then they'd look out and honestly believe that Freddy was chasing Jason or something.

I could see him in front of me as I went after him, his dark coat flapping around his ankles. He appeared like a dark magician running through the night, away from a taunting crowd. Yet I remained like a dog at his heels, angry and ready to confront him.

This was no easy fete you mark my words on it. I was like fuming. My insides were fuming so much that I felt sweat drain down my back and my neck as I chased him. And suddenly, this reminded me of when I had chased him back in Baltimore. Only thing different was that we were both running and…well there were many things different about these two situations: forget I mentioned that they're similar.

Anyway, he jogged like two blocks away from the store and dashed into an alleyway. I mean, I had this weird delusional thought that I could have pulled out my gun and shouted 'stop running' but this wasn't a suspect. It was…Gibbs. Shit, I could shoot him with how pissed I was at him. The man had fucked me up! Sorry for the language but when I get so mad at people I can get mean.

See first thing was that I was fed up with working for a man with so many secrets. He expected me to trust him with my life, wanted me to always have his back and believe in his ass and yet he hid all these shit from me.

Like Stan, Troy…for Pete's sakes, all this stuff about him being gay and all that. I mean, thinking back on it now, there were times when I wondered what was his damn problem. The divorces, ignorance, silence: how could I have even trusted someone like that? I was doubting myself now, talking shit when I knew that I shouldn't be thinking that way.

"Stop!" I said through gritted teeth, my chest heaving as I ran.

Pacing myself, I quickened my pace and closed the distance between us. When I was just a foot away, reaching out a shaky hand, I grabbed a fistful of the back of his coat and pulled him. We were in a deserted alleyway now, scattered with weeds of grass and a big garbage bin the size of a washing machine. But I got little time to register my surroundings since I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pushed him back against the red clay brick wall.

"Give me one reason why", I said through gritted teeth, searching his blue eyes, "one reason why I should trust you again, Gibbs."

Blue eyes stared back at me, stressed eyes, eyes curtained and distant. He was blocking me out.

"I'm…your…boss", he said breathless, and I could feel his heart racing in his chest, his breathing heavy against my face. "Whether you like it or not, you work for me."

"You lied to me", I said angrily, "lied to your _team_: Ziva, McGee, Abby. We depend on you, Gibbs. We depend on you to do our jobs. You gonna keep hiding stuff from us…me? In case you haven't noticed, I'm your Senior Agent here. Hell if I need answers."

Of course he had nothing to say to that. He remained silent, his eyes level with mine. I wasn't thinking straight, no pun intended, and I couldn't even gather my thoughts together. For some reason, I couldn't say what I had to say because there was nothing I could really say to him. Or maybe I couldn't remember. Maybe it was because he was so close to me, in this dark alleyway with no one around…

"You gonna let me go?" he asked quietly.

"So you don't care about us", I stated dumbfounded and pissed. "You don't care about _what _we think or do or _how_ we feel about you."

"Look who's talking about _caring_ about other people's feelings", he said and scoffed. "You gonna stand there and talk to me about caring about people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, confused. "You got something to say? Because right now with the mood I'm in, you better have answers."

"Oh I don't know", and he shrugged then glared at me, "you went behind my back, pried information out of my father about me, my personal life although I told ya not to do that!"

"I had to get answers!" I exclaimed, eyes wide. "It's all in doing my job!"

"Doing your job involves going around your boss for answers?" he asked plainly, his eyes flashing with anger. "Since when do you go behind my back to do your own thing?"

"Since you refused to give me answers", I said without skipping a beat.

"You went to him", and he glanced away from me, "him of all people. You know my relationship with him, know how things are between us and yet you just felt the need to use him to get what you wanted."

"He told me the truth", I said pointedly. "You never once tried to."

"Can't you just stop being such an asshole for a while and try to imagine what this is like for me?" he asked heatedly. "This is my life you're messing with here, my personal life. This case is about me. Put yourself in my place."

"I can't do that", I said plainly not missing a beat. "I'm not the boss here. Any case that involves me, I tell you all about it. Thought that was the relationship we had, what I worked for. I thought that if you had a problem you'd come to me, especially involving the case. Not to hide it. I mean, I'd understand if you hid it from them but from me?" I glared at him. "And last time I checked, I'm not the gay one here – "

"Tony, you – "

He stopped, taking in my words, what I had said last to him. I saw his eyes move from suggesting to confused, something passed behind them and then he blinked at me. And although I knew he deserved it, something inside me made me feel entirely mean to have said that to him. It wasn't fair but neither was what he had done to me.

"That's low, Anthony", he said, eyes shadowed. "Just had to say it, get it out, and make me feel like shit. Had to bring it in and involve it in this."

"Someone had to remind you", I said without thinking. It was one of those stupid DiNozzo moments where I just figured that I had to say something to not appear as if I wasn't thinking. And then stupid stuff would start coming out my mouth and I'd have to force myself to quit whilst I was behind.

"And you had to be that person."

And he took a step sideways, diverted his eyes from me then wiped his face. I saw fatigue and wariness, and wanted to let him go. Somehow I just couldn't. I couldn't stand there and allow him to walk away because…and I thought about it, played the idea around in my head…because I didn't want to have him leave just like that. I needed him to finish something, but I hadn't the slightest idea what it was.

As soon as he turned away from me and started to step away, I made a totally wrong move to grab his arm and hold him right there in front of me. His reflex was to swipe his arm away, turning to glare at me.

"Don't do it", he warned silently, his voice threatening. "Already _messed _up anyway. You disobeyed orders, did your own thing, played with my feelings, what I do, hell, who I am to you. Pissed me off! I'd hate to shoot you."

Feeling bitter bile rise up behind my tongue, heart beginning to painfully race and head becoming heated, I grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him hard against the wall. But it was Gibbs. He shoved me back hard and grabbed unto my upper arms, eyes hard on me. I grabbed back at him, and we used our frantic hands to tug at each other, my breathing increasing rapidly. But it was me who pulled my gun out of my shoulder holster. Rage blinded my eyes after him telling me, accusing me of messing up when it was all in the interest of saving his ass.

In an instant I had it jammed up, pointed into his heaving chest as my eyes remained level with his.

"You'd…never", he breathed against my face, his hot breath caressing my face and neck, something travelled down my spine. "Put it away."

"Don't test me", I whispered angrily. "I do my job, I work for you…" and I felt my lungs contract, energy being pulled from me, I couldn't breathe properly with him this close. "And you're quick to jump and tell me that I _screwed _up."

"You did…" he offered staring into my eyes, and I felt his hand on mine, the one with the gun. I suddenly felt reassurance and comfort, understanding and truce. He was testing me now, watching my emotions and assessing my thoughts.

"I'm never gonna please you", I said slowly, hurt and sad. "I'm never good enough in anything I do for you."

As quick as I blinked, in a heartbeat he pulled the gun from my grasp and grabbed me by my shoulders. Turning me around, Gibbs had my back against the wall now, one palm against my chest and the gun in the other. The contact his hand made on my chest, the very spot where it was rested, I felt my heart quiver. I was so shocked with his move that I lost my breath, especially when he moved up against me. He was so close that I could feel his chest against mine, the rapid pounding of his heart, his breathe against my face. And I could feel him hard between my legs, that definite bulge in his pants pressing against mine as he held me against the wall.

What did I feel? I honestly felt confused.

It was as if I was in a life or death situation right there and then because adrenaline kicked in. I immediately felt a rush, demanding of me to either forcefully move away or do the inevitable. The last option wasn't quite clear: it was blurred and uncertainty hung in the air on that one. But what I was feeling wasn't normal. It wasn't as if I understood it at all, yet I knew it wasn't threatening. I wanted more even though I was confused. Some part of me burnt up, like a light flickering across the hall whilst all the others remained off.

"You've never disappointed me, DiNozzo", he said as his eyes searched mine. I wished I knew what he was thinking but I didn't.

"I'm never good…" I was watching his move, "…enough…"

He moved in close and I froze up, felt my insides freeze over as our firm hips met each other's, his holding mine in place. And then he dropped the gun, released his grasp and threw it about a foot away. It fell with a thud to the ground and as it did, something at the back of my mind told me that if Gibbs was thinking clearly, he would have never dropped a loaded gun. But the weird part of it was that it wasn't loaded. I hadn't loaded it. The cartridges still were in my pocket. He couldn't have known that easy could he?

But he never did give me enough time to contemplate on his move because he had his hands on my shoulders, and where his fingers rested on my shirt, my skin burnt up. I couldn't actually believe that I was allowing him to go through with this. Everything was happening so slow and I couldn't think. Millions of thoughts were racing through my head like was he going to kill me? Or was he going to bite me like a vampire? Was he gonna tell me something, whisper in my ear?

The familiar smell of Old Spice and soap captured me right there and then. My head began to grow dizzy and my knees weak. This was pure shit. What was he doing to me? I had other guy friends who used Old Spice, even held guys up this close before and I never felt this way. What was I feeling? This was different, like major different because his body was sending out a vibe that interfered with my mundane thinking. Imagine I couldn't even speak. And speaking was like my hobby dude.

With his eyes on mine, his left hand found its way slowly up my heated neck, and as he used his thumb to caress me slowly, he studied me. There was pain in his eyes, deep pain and anguish that I couldn't understand nor could I process.

At the moment I thought of it as strange, that he was doing what he was and he appeared as if he was…afraid and cautious. I couldn't help it though, because although I fought it, my eyes closed just as his thumb massaged right below my earlobe and I leant back. A soft thrill that if strong enough drive me up the wall travelled down my spine. And my skin prickled. I began to feel heated, myself opening up to his touch, that part of me beginning to harden making my pants grow tight and uncomfortable. And I began to sweat. As my head met the wall, I bit in a moan and tried to move myself away from him, trying to gather my strength to push him away.

"_Don't_…" I whispered, inhaling deeply. Every time I tried to move, my front, tight, me hard and throbbing rubbed against the front of his pants, and I could only feel him straining from within.

"I_ want_ you, Tony", he said, and now I knew what I was seeing in his eyes. I didn't like it at all. I didn't want him to make me feel what he was feeling. I thought of Ziva and morality, silly things that shouldn't have even affected me like my father's harsh words hammering around in my skull demanding that I stop acting like a foolish boy.

No…

"No", I said firmly, and I pushed him off of me, feeling shaky and drained. "Don't do this. Don't…do this, Gibbs. I can't…we can't do this. It's not right. I mean", and I ran my fingers through my hair, became frantic, "Rule 12…your rule. We…" and I gestured between us, "this isn't right. Just stop it. Stop it now. I don't know what this is but it's not normal."

He was watching me and I tried to stare back at him but I couldn't. Instead, I moved away from him. Stooping down, I picked up my gun with shaky hands and slipped it back into my holster, eyes not meeting his. I needed to get away from here. This wasn't normal to me. I needed space, time to think and register what had just happened.

"You're different", he tried with me. I stood up, angry.

"Don't _push_ that one at me."

"You are", he said calmly, studying me, his eyes calm and reassuring, begging me to understand him. Those blue eyes, so calm and kind all of a sudden, a change from the usual Gibbs' glare. It was as if he wanted me to move in again, to feel what he was feeling.

"Don't _do_ that", I pleaded with him, looking away.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't…" and I lifted my hands to my face, ran my fingers through my hair, "don't look at me like that, Gibbs. Don't treat me like this, don't feel this way for me because –"

"I can't!" he confessed, cutting me off. I turned to look at him, my eyes searching his now. "I can't make it stop." I didn't understand.

"What?"

"So you think this happened at the spur of the moment?" he asked of me, his eyes tearing up now. "You think that this is something to control? Can't you see how I'm losing control here?" and he was shaky, his eyes frantic, vulnerable. I was afraid. "I love…you."

"I bet that's how you got them to fall for you", I said coldly now. "Bet it was a one spark thing then when you were done, you divorced them and oh…" I acted surprised when he began to step towards me, his eyes showing an angry glint, daring me to continue, "…you don't intimidate me, Gibbs. All those divorces, bet you just couldn't help it."

"My divorces…" he said coming towards me, and I kept stepping back, "wasn't my fault, couldn't help it. Wasn't right for me, didn't feel right."

"Oh right, and what made you break the commitment?" I asked stopping because the alleyway had come to a dead end. I was against a wrought iron gate now, hopeless. "You tied the knot, married those women, were you running? Running from Shannon and what happened? What made you so closed up and cold?"

"_You_", he said coming up to me. I was shocked, so shocked that I didn't know what to say.

**(Gibbs)**

I had lost all control over myself and didn't know what the hell to do about it. It kept coming at me, one after the other and I thought to myself, 'why not get it all out now since I had already done more than enough? So I continued, closing in on him with the truth that he needed to know.

Heavens only knew when I'd get another chance to tell him how I felt about him. And I wanted it to be now. It wasn't the right moment but I had to say it or else I'd break down and have some kinda mental shock.

He was right there in front of me, he kept coming at me with questions and brazen statements, taunting and teasing me. If he only knew what he was triggering inside of me, what he was pressuring me to think about him. I wanted to do more than caress him right there and then. Geese, being so close to him, feeling him against me, feeling his hardness within his pants…I wanted to taste him, tilt his head sideways and run my teeth over his bare skin.

I wanted to use my hands on him, unzip his pants and run my bare fingers over him, watching his green eyes become distant as my fingers massaged him. If he only knew how long I had envisioned those desires, moments of need within me.

He could try to hide it but I knew he wanted me, I could see it in his eyes, the way he responded when I touched him. I could sense that he was attracted to me, to my touch and how I felt against him. And even though I wanted to rush things, to force him to know how and what I felt, I didn't want to hurt him. I only wanted him to know what I wanted from him, how I ached to touch and be close to him.

"Me?" he asked looking confused.

"Should have never come after me in Baltimore", I said. "It's all your fault."

"This is too much", he said, and even though he tried to hide it, I could see him lose control inside.

"Walk away or stay", I said calmly.

"Fuck you", he said menacingly and glared at me. "Hell you're at liberty to give me options."

"Your choice."

"Oh don't go placing the ball in my court all of a sudden!" he demanded angrily, "making me look as if I did what you did."

"What did I do?" I asked confused.

"What did you do?" he scoffed, threw up his hands and stared in disbelief at me. "I don't believe this!"

"I told you the truth!" I said heatedly, "you wanted to know it, that's what you wanted."

"Alright", and he sighed. "I've made my choice. "I'm walking away. And to hell with you and this…thing. I'm not a child where you can play with my feelings and expect me to forget it." He moved away from me. And he began to walk away. I watched him go.

"I'm not gonna play your game", he muttered as he walked. And just as I went after him, the first drizzle from the thunderstorm exposed itself.

I grabbed his right arm and stopped him. When he turned back, I pulled him towards me and passionately closed the distance between us. When my lips met his, I caressed them using mine, moving mine across his slowly with desire. But he didn't welcome my kiss. Hot tears burnt behind my eyelids as it started to rain just when I wrapped my arm around his waist, my right hand caressing his face. Using my fingers, I played them against his bare cheek, feeling him shiver as the cold rain pelted down upon us wetting him and me completely.

And I pushed him against the brick wall, using both my hands to steady his face as I took control. As his hands lay limp at his sides, I took his bottom lip between my teeth and sucked on it, then tilted his head back as my tongue found the right side of his face. It was then that he moaned, trembled against me and tugged at me as I trailed my tongue across his skin, tasting him…his aftershave. Balling his fists into my shirt, he tried to push me away but I kept kissing him deep, long and hard. And then he pulled me towards him, opening his mouth as he caved in. I tasted him for the first time and couldn't catch my breath, feeling for his tongue as mad desire burnt within me.

But just as he was about to give in, thunder rolled above us and he froze. I did too, suddenly coming to my senses as to what I had done, what I had led myself to do. I felt like an ass, an out of control maniac who couldn't control himself.

Using all my energy, I moved away from him and watched him against the wall, his eyes confused and lost. I had done enough damage. And then the anger in his eyes were returning as I stood there and watched him through the rain. He was waiting to see what I'd do, what I'd say, what sorry excuse I'd come up with.

"Gibbs…" he began but I had already started to walk away. And when I reached the head of the alleyway and turned to head back, not only rain soaked my face, hot tears did.

Xxxx

The following day I avoided him.

I avoided his eyes, avoided looking at him, talking to him. It was so damn painful for me. I couldn't even talk to dad properly without having him check my face over and over again. Of course I had a terrible night, actually did shed tears, something I hadn't done in a long while. And just to wake up and have my eyes red, face feeling numb and hands shaky, I didn't want to go out, didn't want to do anything that damn day.

"You just had to spill it", I said to Jackson, eyes furious. "Had to come out and be the one to tell the tale."

"I didn't have a choice", he said calmly. "Your kids needed answers. I had to give them some."

"You could have told them you didn't know anything, told them you knew nothing", I said pacing the floor, trying to walk off the stress, pain in my heart. "Now Abby knows, and…" I couldn't say his name.

"Leroy, for just one damn second can you get your head out of the clouds and realize that they have to know this?" he stared at me. "They want to help. I want to help –"

"I don't need your help!" I exclaimed angrily at him. "I'm not a kid anymore. That little screwed over teenager that always had problems, and never could understand things. I'm an adult now."

"You sure as hell ain't behaving like one", he said sternly, his eyes furious. I suddenly felt like that same teenager again, ready for a tongue wagging and a serious punishment. "The more you hide behind that stupid barrier that you've put up, the harder you're going to make your life for you. You need to lighten up more, like your agent…Anthony. He's such a nice guy. Reminds me of how charming you could have been if you hadn't allowed yourself to become this cold."

"I'm cold?" I asked furiously. "You're calling me cold? Just because I can keep my emotions in check?"

"You're just like your mother", he said avoiding my eyes, picking up a box, "always hid her feelings, bottled them up and then when she couldn't hide them anymore, she'd explode."

"Don't bring mom in this", I said in a low voice, laced with anger.

"You're gonna explode, Jethro, mark my words."

"Better hope it ain't on you", I said looking out the window. People walked by, a lady, a red hair toddler.

"All I'm saying is that you should tell them things. Let them know how you feel because like it or not, they're the closest thing you got as family where you live now." He started to pack cans of corn on the shelf. "Since you hate me already, it will be easier for you to trust them."

I sighed, felt a tug at my heart. "Don't hate you", I said calmly.

"Oh ho?" he asked turning to face me. "And all these years you've stayed away."

I'd had enough, needed to tell him what I really wanted to. "I stayed away? You were the one who said that you hated that _part_ of me!" I said angrily. "You said if ya can't get rid of it then curse our relationship." And I watched him remember. "Telling them last night how you didn't have a problem with it? How come you didn't tell them what you did to me, said to me when you found out I was in love with Troy…a guy…my best friend?"

"You wanted me to tell them the truth about that? Thought you said to not tell them everything –"

"Well you sure as hell said little!" I declared, anger boiling over. "You threw my ass out of your house when I wasn't even out of high school yet, signed me up to become a Marine, threatened to tell my friends about Troy and I –"

"I was furious then but not now I know better", he said and appeared frustrated. "Jethro, I was still trying to handle you, trying to be a good parent, trying to deal with your mother's death. When you told me that you were…had feelings for Troy, I thought you were trying to rebel on me. You always used to, mouthing me back, the lot –"

"So you signed me up", I said straight up. "Signed me up so that you could get me out of your life. You know, when I left here, the only thing I was thankful to you for was that I was heading into what you forced me in with Troy as well. I never wanted to see your face again. You hauled my ass off away from here without even giving me a second chance, trying to do your job and be a father –"

"I did my best with you!" he said angrily. "Don't tell me that I wasn't a good father."

"You weren't!" I said. "You messed my life up! I went in there, became a Marine, away from Shannon."

"I wanted you to clear your head. I didn't know he was going in with you too", Jackson admitted. "If I had known, I wouldn't have sent you off."

"Well you did", I said calmly now. "But you know what, I'm glad I did become a Marine, taught me how to look out for people close to me, protect them, never give up on them, respect them, their feelings and –"

"Well there you go", he said now, moving to unpack a box of canned corns. "It did you some good. You've gotten over that part of you, and now you're okay. No point stressing over the past. You learnt from all of that. Now you can move on."

I wished he was right. I wished that I could.

"Can't", I said softly, eyes on the door.

He sighed. "Troy's gone", he said softly as well, "he's at peace, son. He'd want you to be at peace too."

I thought about my old best friend and bit my lips, wishing it had been different between us these recent years. "Not him."

"What?" he asked and even though I was backing him, I knew he had turned to look at me, his eyes squinted. "Who then?"

I didn't answer him. I just needed to wait a bit more. I could actually hear his mind working as he stood there thinking. And even though I was this grown man, now, like I still was anticipating the scolding. It was as if I was young again sitting right there and I was telling him about how I felt about Troy. Now it was someone else, I was older…things sometimes could never change.

"Good God, Leroy", he said behind me. There was the shuffling of feet, his feet and then he was standing beside me. "You don't mean…"

"Don't say his name", I begged, and squeezed my eyes shut. I lifted my hands to my eyes, rubbed them and sighed. I wanted to cry again, but I couldn't because that wasn't me. "I'm messed up dad", I said sadly, "something's wrong with me. It never went away."

Resting his hand on my shoulder, he pulled a chair and sat down. I couldn't look at him. All I wanted was for time to rewind, for me to have just not done what I did with Anthony last night and for all these feelings to go away. My heart ached and I wished someone could know how I was feeling, the pain I was going through. I felt hopeless, as if I was alone and this wasn't normal.

"Nothing's wrong with you, son", he said softly and squeezed my shoulder. "Nothing's wrong with loving someone."

"But this someone is a man", I said almost childishly, not in my voice. I didn't feel strong. I felt terrible. "Why does it have to be a man?"

"But the divorces, previous marriages?"

"It's never been about them", I confessed. "Thought I could hide from it, hide what I was feeling, I can't anymore. I had to let them go. The only person I wanted to hurt was myself."

"You mean you've loved Anthony all these years?" he asked in disbelief. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

I remained silent, waiting on him to register the answer.

"Jesus, Leroy. All these years? Don't you know when to let go?"

"And you make it sound as if it's that easy", I declared.

"Have you ever told him how you feel about him?" he asked quietly, observing me. "I know it's hard but at least you can tell him."

I sighed. "Tried…but", and I looked up, my eyes wet and hands shaky, "just pushed him away more."

"If it makes you feel better", he said now taking my hand and rubbing it gently, "that boy, Anthony, anybody would have to be a fool to not even love you. You're a wonderful person."

I looked at him and scoffed. "Coming from you who called me cold only a few minutes ago."

"Always want to tease you, get you going", he confessed smiling. "Truth is, you're a good son, Leroy. All these years I understood what I did, I understood how you were hurt about what I did. Never expected to see you again. But you came back. And because you did, you just proved to me that you're a wonderful person. Never did give up on me, you never give up on anyone. You got feelings, and Anthony loves you, you know that. He may not love you as you love him, but damn he has so much respect for you!"

"Thanks, dad", I said and dried my eyes, breathed in. "That helped a lot."

"Oh stop being sarcastic", he said getting up.

"I mean it!" I said to him.

He went around the counter and took up the coffee mug, picked up two cups from below. "Coffee?"

Nodding at him, I avoided his eyes and picked up my reading glasses, then the papers. Scanning the front page, I noticed that the media was having a frenzy over the passing of some Bill. No interest to me right then. What interested me was the person that now pushed open the store door, and walked in accompanied by Ziva.

She had been whispering to him frantically, but as her eyes met mine, she stopped and smiled.

"Good morning, Gibbs."

"Morning, Ziva."

"Beautiful!" my father exclaimed coming from behind the counter, a smile on his face. "Good morning!"

As the two of them embraced, Tony lingered by the store door. I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look up.

"Abby, McGee…?" I inquired after.

"On their way", Ziva said softly as she hugged Jackson. "The thunderstorm made us all sleep in a little too long this morning. Although I do not think Tony slept at all." And she turned to look at him, a mocking smile on her face.

"Couldn't sleep", he said. I froze when I heard his voice and for the first time in a long while, my mind hung on his every word, the sound of his voice, a little too shaky and not as strong as it usually was. I wanted to look up at him, to gaze into his eyes and seek out some sort of reassurance after last night. But I didn't dare do it.

"Yes, that storm swept by here with such vengeance", Jackson said frowning around. "Was afraid it would blow the roof off!"

Coffee was passed around, everyone took time to wake up and wait until McGee and Abby arrived. I was thankful that Ziva chose to sit on a chair beside me around the table whilst Anthony took to standing. If I could have had it my way though, I would have wanted him to sit beside me, just in silence. He didn't have to say a word, but just to know that he chose the chair next to me to sit. That would have reassured me that he cared.

But no such move was made.

Instead, Abby who walked in with McGee declared the obvious, not even noticing that I was there. "We're screwed on this case, since Gibbs is involved. I mean, lookie here, this is one hell of a love disaster. Other than the fact that Gibbs loved the dead guy, we can't go any further from –" she saw me and stopped, her mouth agape.

"What? I don't understand." That was McGee, appearing confused, his eyes resting on me.

"Neither do I", Ziva said blankly. She turned to look at me and frowned, her brown eyes studying mine, trying to read me. I diverted my eyes and looked at my father.

"Sit, all of you", Jackson said, trying to smile. "We've had a…what do you call it…break…yes, we've had a break on the case. There is some new information that needs to be shared with you all."

"I'll sit this one out. I already know _more_ than I'm supposed to anyway", Tony said firmly and turned to leave. As he pulled the door open, Jackson's eyes met mine and I breathed in.

I got up.

"No", Abby said turning to look at me. "Stay, Gibbs, I'll go after him. He's just confused. I'll go talk to him."

When she had left, I told Ziva and McGee what was my relation to the victim with the aid of my dad who seemed supported. If it wasn't for his presence, it would have been harder for me. He lightened the mood.

Ziva was the first to take my hand up. Smiling at me, she squeezed it. "I know this is hard for you. We are in this together, Gibbs. Do not feel bad about it. I of all people understand secrets and when the time is right, it must be told. We will do our best to help you with this case."

"Same here", McGee said straightening up. He tried to appear calm but I knew that he was tense. "But we have no leads. The only thing we have is a burnt phone, no prints, no murder weapon."

"Dead end", Ziva declared. "We are stuck, in other words. And it is not your fault", she said looking at me, appearing confronted. "We are still searching through Troy's belongings from his room, running contacts."

"Abby believes that it would be best if she and I were to return to NCIS because she has to do some more tests using the equipment in her lab." I turned to look at McGee and sighed.

"Go", I said quietly.

"Maybe we can pick up more from what we gathered in Troy's room."

"And maybe you can get more out of that phone…SIM…thing", Ziva said knitting her eyebrows. "Tony and I can try to find contacts Troy still kept in Stillwater and ask them questions. And you, Gibbs", she turned to look at me, "you can rest yourself for a while, let us work this. If we need help, we will tell you."

I didn't have the energy to complain although she and I both knew I'd never agree with that. Sitting there, I rested my head on my hand and closed my eyes. A dull throb of a migraine was creeping up on me. I felt frustrated and uneasy.

**(DiNozzo)**

We had no leads, we had no damn evidence, no fingerprints, no murder weapon, a useless phone and no foreign body fluids found on…Troy.

And I was pissed. Terribly. See the thing was, if he had just stayed a while longer to talk to me about last night, that would have been better. It would've been better than him walking away and leaving me like a sorry fuck standing there. I mean, what was he thinking? One moment he was arguing with me, accusing me of not doing my job, not being a good agent, then he kissed me, long and deep, and just when I gave in, he walked away. Talk about fucking up someone's feelings.

I felt like shit, like a beaten rug that someone had taken their spite out on. I felt terrible and worst of all; a dull migraine was creeping up my temples and along my neck. Everything ached because I couldn't sleep last night. Yeah, whilst he was probably snoring his ass off, I stayed awake trying to sort out my feelings, trying to redefine who I am and what I wanted now.

There was Ziva and now there was him. But should I even consider him? I had no feelings for him, or at least I thought I didn't. When he had kissed me last night, at first I felt the need to resist, to fight back. But then my body responded differently than I intended it to. I was thinking it wasn't what I wanted yet I felt the need for him to continue. Weird huh? I mean, I'm a straight guy, had been for years now. Well since I was born. And to have him take me like that…It's like he moved aside some barrier of some sort and exposed a whole new area within me, within my brain that I never processed before nor attempted to process.

I mean yeah I once and awhile I thought about him and his salt and pepper hair, those blue eyes and what sort of physique he had under that shirt. But I'd never actually imagined more…Let's not go there for now.

Anyway, Ziva and I went around Stillwater that morning, going through contacts in Troy's phonebook as we did. And by the time lunch time came around and we were headed back to the store, we hadn't found out anything useful.

This one guy kept being a jackass about it, telling on my nerves.

"You got any Budlight?" he asked, his beady eyes fixed on me.

"No", I said firmly, the migraine taking its toll on my nerves, "we _don't_ have any Budlight. Now tell us if you have any idea who could have killed Troy Stephens."

He diverted his eyes from me and fixed them on Ziva. A toothless grin appeared on his face as he studied her. "Don't know nothing."

"You don't _know _anything or you don't _want _to tell us?"

"Don't know _nothing_", he repeated, and flicked his tongue out at Ziva. I turned to observe a confused expression on her face.

"Look, this is a waste of time", and I grabbed her by the right arm, then began to pull her away because the last thing I needed was a fight between her and a junkie.

"Jack Rabbit Bruce Willis", I heard him say as we walked away and I shook my head in disgust. The man was long gone in sanity. In fact, I didn't even know how much he had left.

But this one lady: Maggie Tippet, that had been in the same class as Gibbs and Troy had a lot to offer to help us.

It was fortunate for us to find her sitting under an umbrella outside a dreary looking café almost near lunchtime. She had the look of a cougar but the ease of a gentle lady, the kind you saw in those British films that wore the gowns, displayed authority. Ziva hated her air of modesty that she carried, but I loved how she smiled, addressed me whenever she talked.

"Oh yes, dear Leroy", she noted, studying Ziva with haughty eyes. "You know, young lady, back in my days, we could have never worn our hair down like that."

"Troy Stephens…" I suggested, although I would have loved to hear what Ziva had to say to her. "You remember him?"

"Dear God, yes!" she exclaimed, her green eyes lighting up. "He was in the same class as Leroy and I, lived down that dreadful dirt road going –"

"West…I know", I said holding my notepad in my hand, pen poised. "We were there already."

"And you didn't find him?" she asked confused. "Why he always stays there whenever he's not traveling. I don't know where he could have…" I left her to ponder on that, her eyes seeking out something in the distance. "He often went to Washington D.C but ever so recently, maybe about last month, there was a bit of talk going around that Jack Willis seeking out revenge –"

"Wait…" Ziva said cutting her off, "that name", and she turned to me, "we've heard that name before."

I suddenly remembered. "Bill Tolls said something along those lines."

"Oh dear Billy", she said frowning, "he's terribly gone now in the head. He must have mentioned Jack Rabbit Bruce Willis to you didn't he?"

I nodded.

"That was Jack's call name around here, although Bruce Willis came out way after he got that one." And she laughed. "Yes, there was a talk about Jack wanting to find Troy to talk business."

"About…?" I asked fishing. She shrugged.

"Who knows about what? For all I can tell you, when we were in high school together, Jack always hated both Lee and Troy, mostly because he was jealous of Lee having the upper hand in fighting, rebelling, plus Lee had won Troy over with both his heart and trust. Quite a romantic story it was around here, except that most people didn't take well to it. Even Lee's father who signed him up to join the Marines just after he left high school."

I was the confused one now. "Wait, just a sec, Maggie, you're talking about Gibbs here? His father did that? Signed him up?"

"Why yes", she said. "After the whole town found out about the two gay lovers, they didn't take well to it. Lee's father wanted to set things straight, wanted to place a firm hand down on things so he sent him off to become a Marine. And that was when Troy did the same too. He joined up. If you ask me now, I'd think that was what sparked the fury inside Jack back then. To see them both go off like that, he was furious."

A van rolled by, someone could be heard quarreling from within, and a lady raised her voice, then a man's voice ensued.

"Where is Jack Willis now?" Ziva asked.

Maggie began to consider it. "I have no idea. He left for Washington last week. I know because I heard. When people leave here or enter, everyone knows about it. So he tells Jimmy the barber that he's leaving to go settle business in D.C, get things right, make some moves on someone. And then is when I heard from my sister that Troy was in D.C too. I knew for long that Lee was residing there and as soon as I heard the destinations of these two, I knew it couldn't be good."

"Well it wasn't", I said softly, my eyes on the notepad as I scribbled most of what she had told us. "Someone killed Troy on Friday night in D.C."

"Oh my God", she said with her eyes wide, wringing her hands. "He did it! He sought out Troy!"

"We can't jump to conclusions just yet", I said firmly, "we need evidence and well we got possible motive but –"

"You need evidence?" she asked now, appearing flabbergasted. I was preparing myself to lecture her on the importance of evidence in a case. "Will a recorded threat from a cell phone suffice?"

I was intrigued. "What sort of threat?"

She was now pawing around in her red handbag, her eyes wild. "Oh I don't know, last two weeks it was the local church fair here. We had a terrible fight between the two of them there. And because my husband is a police officer here, I know when to record when I hear a threat. I have here", and she supplied her cellphone to me, "Jack confronting Troy on him being gay, how he was fed up of Troy worshipping Lee. And then he said how he'd kill Troy instead of have him seek out Lee again and fornicate once more."

I was flabbergasted as she was earlier and so was Ziva. Taking the cellphone, I bagged it and thanked her, promised that I'd stay in touch with her.

"Just tell Lee that I'd love to see him", she said smiling sweetly, all the airiness gone. "Tell him that Maggie would love to hear from him after all these years."

Of course we had to go through the phonebook still. But I didn't forget to video conference with McGee and Abby who were working from D.C to tell them run a background on Jack Willis, find him in other words. When the link was made, what came up on the screen was out of a weirdly lovey dovey love story.

Abby had her cheek pressed against McLover's and she was whispering something in his ear. I was about to jolt them to their senses when Ziva nudged me, signaling to not interrupt a little while longer.

Then we did hit the jackpot. Placing her palm on one side of his face, she turned her face, eyes closed and their lips met softly. As I watched McLucky's eyes close when her lips met hers, my cheeks burnt up terribly and I absentmindedly found my hand twitching to reach up and press my fingertips to the place where Gibbs had used his thumb to caress my neck. And suddenly I could remember the way he kissed me, how he felt, his lips, his tongue entering my mouth passionately, him biting my lower lip almost to gently.

"Awww", Ziva purred as she watched them kiss for a good couple seconds. "HOW SWEET!"

They both jumped apart, their eyes wide and focused in our direction.

"It wasn't what you thought it was!" Abby's defense was, and she laughed nervously. "I um, I was just…"

"McLucky you are a lucky guy after all", I said forcing myself to smile and forget those…thoughts about Gibbs. Geese, it was even hard to think his name. "No problem with what I saw. Is it to you, Ziva?" I said turning to look at her.

"Oh no, no way!" she said smiling. "It is about time!"

McGee's face had become pink. "What do you want, Tony?" Obviously he was pissed because I had interrupted them.

"Hey, you can go back to kissing Abby when you're done with us here. I just want you to check out this guy, Jack Willis."

'Friend or enemy?" Abby asked getting serious now.

"Enemy, more like. Do that and get his location, where he is…"

"Got it", Abby said already beginning to type. "Call you as soon as we find something."

"Now you can go back to kissing her, McPink", I continued, smiling wickedly. "You can go back to –" McGee broke the link and shut us off. I turned to Ziva frowning. "How rude." She smiled and pinched my cheek.

"Something is on your mind, has been ever since that night when we got the call from Gibbs to go to the crime scene", she noted, linking her arm through mine as we walked back to the store.

"Not now", I said looking about, noticing that others were noticing us as well. "I'll tell you later…in bed."

"Oh now that is reassuring", she said smiling. "Something to look forward to, yes?"

"Yes indeed", I said calmly and pulled her closer. Her hair smelt like strawberries and soap. And I had to lean in to kiss her on her forehead. "You smell…yummy, tempting…"

She lifted a finger and wagged it at me, "oh no, we are on duty now."

"You make it sound as if we're patrol or something", I said frowning.

"If Gibbs finds out, he is going to kill us, Tony."

Before all this I kinda believed that he wouldn't have gone hard on me if I had told him about Ziva and me. But now? He'd kill me yeah.

"He will, indeed", I said softly. I was now dreading going back to the store and hoped that he wasn't there still. But even though I didn't want to see him, I felt that I needed to. I wanted to.

We had a small snack at a restaurant about a corner away from Jackson's store. She had macaroni and cheese with chips of onions and lettuce whilst I had a beer and a hamburger.

"Let us start the conversation now", she suggested, lifting a forkful of macaroni to her mouth, her eyes on me. "Less talk tonight and more time for action."

"Oh I see you're planning this all out all too well", I said smiling at her and I reached over and pinched her nose.

"So what is it, Tony?"

As she waited, I frowned, felt my chest tighten and wondered if I could really tell her the truth. I had to, I felt I had an obligation to and I didn't have a choice. I couldn't lie to her, to Ziva. I had her back and she always had mine.

"This is awkward", I said avoiding her eyes. As I picked up a pickle from my plate, I laughed nervously. "It's…"

She waited.

"Come on", and she took hold of my hand, eyes on me. "You can tell me. What is it?"

"You know by now that Gibbs is er…" and I played with my paper napkin, "not straight." I figured that I shouldn't just jump to conclusions and assume that he was plain gay.

"Yes, I know that"', she said and frowned. "It bothers you? He is still the same Gibbs. No matter if he loves men as well. Are you afraid that he will…" and she trailed a path along my arm with her fingers, "…attack you?"

"That's it", I said watching her fingers and not her. "But he didn't attack me, or was it attack? He –"

"He made a move on you?" she asked and laughed. "Don't joke about it."

I remained silent.

"Wow!" she said, eyes wide. "When?"

"Well, last night whilst you and McGee were probably sleeping and in dream land, Jackson told us more about Gibbs and Troy. And then Gibbs walked in, stalked off, I went to follow him because I was mad at him for…I was so angry with him for hiding the truth from us, Ziva. I couldn't control myself. I went after him with a heated head…"

"And…" she urged on, waiting. "I understand how you would feel, Tony. But everyone has their secrets. Gibbs has a lot apparently. I have grown to accept him like that."

"But it hasn't bothered me like this before", I said, finally realizing it. "This case, how he's been behaving about it…"

"So when did he make a move on you?" she asked, obviously eager to know about that part. I could have skipped it.

"Last night, when I went after him. The dude got all emotional on me, and then confessed that he…" I breathed in and out, "that he's had feelings for me ever since Baltimore. And he kissed me…I mean, I was so confused, I didn't know what he was thinking and what to do –"

"He kissed you?" she asked, "like on the lips? Or on your cheek? Wait, oh no, no…" and she stopped, appeared taken aback, "since Baltimore?"

I nodded and took up my hamburger, bit into it, shrugged. "Weird huh? Talk about him being mysterious."

"But this kiss, and these feelings he has for you", she said shaking her head, "maybe he felt the need to maybe kiss you and then find a way to get over it?" I wished it was that easy.

"I think so", I lied. "He did that and walked away."

"You must be angry and confused indeed", she noted. "Maybe you should talk to him about it –"

"No, nuh uh", I said shaking my head furiously, "no way. He walked, when he could have stayed and talked about it. I'm not going there again with him."

"So you are just going to let it stew between you two until it is forgotten of?"

I nodded then shrugged. "I'm not going to talk to him, if that's what you're asking me to. I got enough on my mind right now, you, my job…"

"But you need to talk to him, Tony!" she demanded. "You need to tell him that you are not gay and you do not feel the same way for him."

I remained silent on that one.

"Well?" she inquired after, "you do not have feelings for him, do you?"

"What can I say, Ziva?" I asked looking at her, frustrated. "I'm still thinking about what happened. But I've never gone there with a guy, never thought about him that way. He just confused my head so much that I'm so disoriented right now. I can't think straight, can't face him, I feel so angry at him –"

"Don't…" she said and caressed my right cheek. "He's Gibbs, he's been in your life for such a long time. You cannot let one situation upset your entire friendship like this. You both trust each other with your lives. I know you really care for him. Do not let your anger get the most of you. Things happen to people all the time that we may not like. But sometimes we need to realize that we need to make tough decisions, to hurt people and to hurt ourselves. Whatever happens, I will understand."

"Don't suggest that", I begged, looking at her. If it was one thing Ziva was, was that she was understanding, never judgmental or prejudice. She was open minded and focused, loving and thoughtful. "I don't have feelings for him."

"I am just telling you this", she said taking my hand and squeezing it, "if it comes down to you leaving me, I will understand. Hiding this from Gibbs so far has been tiresome already. And he will find out soon enough. If we cannot be together then I still have you as a best friend. But for now…" she trailed off and smiled wickedly at me.

"I should be devastated at you suggesting a break up with me", I said smiling back, "but that look…I just can't ignore that look. It means only one thing."

"Later", she said and winked at me. "I'll meet you back at the Guest House."

"No!" I said getting up, taking hold of her arm. "You gotta come with me to tell…him about what we found out about Jack."

"No", she said and smiled. "That is for you to do. You are the senior field agent. Besides, I really need to freshen up."

"Don't do this to me, Ziva", I begged. "Don't make me talk to him."

"That is why I'm doing this", she said frowning at me. "Tony, you need to talk to him. You cannot work with him this way. It is hard but it needs to be done. Go ahead. If he asks about me, tell him I am going to be there in an hour. That will be…" and she looked at her watch, "6 o'clock."

"Don't go…"

"I shall be seeing you in an hour!" she said and began to walk off.

"Shit", I muttered.

When I pushed the store door open, only Jackson was there behind the counter. Immediately he stopped what he was doing.

"Anthony!" he said, "any luck?"

"If you're referring to the case, yeah, we got a lead. Other than that, this day sucks", I looked around. "Where's Gibbs?"

"What lead?"

I spun around and found him behind me, a box in hand. He had been behind there all the while. Damn him. I diverted my eyes quickly, afraid of what would pass between us and I walked to the table.

"Ziva and I went through…Troy's phonebook", I said, finding it hard to talk because my throat ached. "We talked to most of them, found out nothing until we talked to a Maggie –"

"Tippet?" he asked and from the corner of my eye, I noticed that he had put the box down. "She still around?"

"Yeah –"

"Course she is, Leroy", Jackson said. "Still lives right here in Stillwater. After her husband died, she moved back here, maybe to get rid of the memories but they always come back to haunt ya. Got two nice daughters now, almost adults now. I was meaning to tell you to go check her out –"

"Tony, what did you find?" he asked cutting off his father. I quickly looked at him and wished I hadn't. As soon as I did, every single memory of last night came rushing back to me. And I guessed that I blinked several times too many because he was studying me now. But then his eyes were wet, his face lined with fatigue, and his eyes sad. I couldn't take it.

"I…_can't_ do this", I said weakly and diverted my eyes from his. Stepping back, I took hold of a chair and tried to steady myself. And then I shook my head. I turned and went to the door, pulled it open then walked out.

"DiNozzo…"

I continued to walk. I couldn't breathe right. My chest was closing up and I felt so weak. Walking around the store front, I went around, threw the garage door open and went inside. I prayed to God that he wouldn't come after me, would realize that I needed space and I couldn't face him right then. But it was Gibbs. He did come after me.

"Tony", he said coming in and closing the door behind him. I couldn't see the expression on his face because I wasn't watching.

"Gibbs, _leave_ me alone."

"We need to talk."

"We don't need to _talk_ about anything." And I raked my fingers through my sweat soaked hair, groaned. I began to pace the floor.

"Last night –"

"I don't want to talk about that!" I said furiously at him, glaring at him now. "Don't you get it? You've done enough, man. You've…just made it _so_ hard. I can't _do_ this."

"Not asking you to do anything", he said, "please –"

"What do you want from me? Leave me alone", I warned further, "turn around and go. Just leave me alone."

"I know how you're feeling", he said sadly, and I heard strain in his voice.

"You can't possibly _know_ how I feel!" I shouted at him. "You messed me up, dude, fucked me up terribly. Now I can't even do my job. I can't even think properly."

"I'm sorry!" he shouted at me, and as I turned on him to argue back, he rubbed his hands on his face roughly then made a frustrated sound that I never imagined Gibbs to ever make. He sounded weak as I was and terribly anguished too. "This is killing me", he admitted without looking at me. "I just want you…out of my mind too. I want what I feel for you to stop. You think I want this? You think I called this on myself? Me of all people…" and he moved his hands away and threw them up, looked at me with tear soaked eyes and half laughed. "I swear to God, you drive me crazy. If this doesn't stop, if you don't stop it...Shannon, Kelly, Troy…I'll be so happy to see them."

And with that, he turned around, and on his way out, he took hold of a box on the work table then pulled it off the surface. It went crashing to the floor. And when he walked out, I went after him.

"Don't say that", I said walking behind him.

He stopped and turned to look at me, "what?"

"Don't say you wanna out yourself. It never solves anything."

"Coming from someone who wants me _out_ of their life right about now", he said lowly, "coming from the one person who I've trusted more than anyone for all these years and who now finds it hard to even _look_ at me."

"Don't you understand what this is like for me?" I asked dumbfounded.

"And you understand what it's like for _me_?" he asked staring at me, waiting, "you put yourself in my shoes and you can't even begin to imagine how the hell I feel and what I'm thinking right now. So don't you stand there and believe that you're the only one affected by this here."

I looked at him and didn't answer.

"Unbelievable."

"Fuck you", I said in a clipped tone.

"You wish", he said angrily.

I was left speechless as he turned around. And I let him go.

Xxx

When Ziva came back at 6, she found me moping at the table in the store. Gibbs was talking to McGee and Abby via video link about Jack Willis. I couldn't care less. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't think clearly. And of course, Gibbs stayed clear from me. Even when we were around each other, he moved away from me as if I was threatening enough. And I did the same.

We didn't talk to each other that night, nor did we look in each other's direction. And I really meant it there. I totally avoided him. If someone addressed us both, I'd remain silent and so would he. Then the other person would think better of it and move on.

But when it was time for us to leave and quit it for the night, he really pushed me over the edge. As we were leaving, Ziva said good night to everyone and I said goodnight to Jackson alone.

"Tomorrow, let's hope we find this Jack Willis man", Ziva said in closing. "Let's get this case closed."

"At least someone has their head on", Gibbs muttered. Immediately the blood rushed into my head.

Waiting until Jackson and Ziva had walked a little way off, I turned back and shoved Gibbs hard against the wall. Caught by surprise, he remained where he was shocked.

"You're just pushing it Gibbs", I said through my teeth, "just _pushing _it and you're pushing me_ hard_. The _next_ time you throw any hint as to me _not_ doing my job correctly, I _swear_ I'm gonna fuck you up _real _bad because if it's one thing I _hate_ is people telling me I'm not doing something when I'm putting _everything_, every _damn_ second into it. I'm trying to solve this case for you, and you have no consideration for it, for what I'm doing."

He tried to shove me away from him but I shoved back harder. He was weak and didn't manage to push me away.

"You're cold, Gibbs, _really_ cold and inconsiderate. You're heartless, ignorant, self-conceited and fucked up. You don't know the other side of me so don't push it. I've known you for years, dealt with you for years, and if you think you can just mess with my head and make me feel like a fool, then you're wrong."

I released him and moved away.

"_What is wrong with you_?" he asked staring at me dumbfounded.

"I want you out of my head, out of my personal life", I said plainly. And I noticed that Ziva and Jackson had stopped, were now heading our way once more.

"What you two arguing over?" Jackson asked as he came up. I took one hard look at Gibbs, and allowed Ziva to pull me away.

**(Gibbs)**

_Heartless,_

_Ignorant,_

_Self-conceited…_

Was I all of that just for loving him? Was I?

I was sitting on a stool all by myself at a bar on Main Street that night, not drinking, not talking. I had taken my gun out of the holster and had rested it on the table before me a while ago. That was when I had been contemplating on what to do.

I felt like shit, run over and fucked.

To make it harder for me, I now understood what it was like to feel 'emo' and depressed, suicidal and fatigued. Drinking my problems away never solved anything in the past so the glass of Bourbon remained untouched on the table before me.

This was how it felt, I guess, to Troy when he had told me he loved me and I had confronted him about it, called him names, told him he needed help when I wasn't any different from him.

Tony hated me now. I couldn't think. I mean, what would you do if you were me? Try to talk to him again, leave him alone?

If I left him alone, I'd just fall into a deeper state of depression. I'd call a taxi and go back home to D.C. But I needed to do one thing first before I even thought about leaving here. I needed to make sure Jack hadn't left town or else I'd just be disappointing Troy too.

Was that what I had done, disappointed DiNozzo? Yeah. I had.

With the way I was feeling, I could unload an entire magazine into someone right about then. I could probably get in the car and drive it into a wall. But I remained where I was, for almost four hours after he had called me those names and demanded that I get out of his life.

And when my hand found itself on the gun, my right hand, I sprang up. Taking it up, without thinking, I shoved it back into the holster and walked out the door. I didn't stop, I didn't look back, I didn't think about it, and I didn't even care what was going to happen.

Up the stairs I went, and along the corridor and when I got to the door, I knocked on it. No one answered so I felt impatient.

God knows that if I had forced myself to walk away, I don't know if things would have changed. But I turned the knob and went in.

I expected to find him on the bed, sitting there, or maybe not there at all. But I was wrong.

He was moving above her, naked and wet, his body convulsing as he shoved himself into her. And when I heard Ziva call out his name, I felt sick to my stomach. On another day, I would have wondered if it was another woman, if I would have felt any different. But I hardly thought it would have been different. Using his hands, he ran them through her wet hair and threw his head back as he spent himself inside of her, moaning loudly and yelping out loud.

But my presence didn't go unnoticed because Ziva looked my way and her eyes grew wide. Pushing him off of her, she gasped and clutched for the sheets. And when he caught himself, he looked to my direction, dumbfounded, eyes wide.

I made sure I looked at him, made him see exactly what I was feeling as I stood there and tears came to my eyes. I found myself crying, not usual for the person I was. But he had pushed me now. He had pushed me too far and I wasn't ever going to forget this.

I thought all the while that they were having separate rooms. But this…

"I see…" I said softly.

"Gibbs", he said hurrying to put on his pants, to come and try to explain. But I was already turning the handle, already stepping out the room.

"Gibbs!" he shouted after me, but I found myself running away instead of being Gibbs and staying behind.

And when I was sure that he wasn't behind me anymore, I fell to the ground on my knees, hands on my face, and I cried miserably.

**A/N – **_**(Chad)**_** Angst much? Wow! What a chapter! Did we blow you away with this one? Or you were bored out of your shoes and stockings? I tell you, if it is one thing that I love about writing as Tony is that in this story, I got to really expose the angry side of him. Plus, I got to take DiNozzo out of the usual NCIS charmer you know and force him into this situation where he HAS to be OOC! Review please!**

_**(Abby)**_** – Really emotional for me to write Gibbs into this plot. It was so painful for me to place him into this situation where he has an angry Tony and a heart full of pain and confusion. And to end it off like that, that just killed it didn't it? You now HAVE to stick with us and come back for more. Trust me, it is going to go haywire from there. We know that many of you didn't want a kiss this early but it had to be done. We needed time to give you tension and anger and so on. Not to keep this long, but please review and let us know that we at least wowed you! Writing this wasn't easy for me. **

**TELL US IF YOU DID SHED TEARS, CURSED, CLAWED YOUR KEYBOARD OUT….We'd love to hear!**


	5. Chapter 4

***Sorry for the delay but one of us had midterms and couldn't take time off to work on the story therefore throwing us off by two weeks. **

**Xxx**

**(Unedited)**

**(DiNozzo)**

I didn't' have to look long and hard for him because Stillwater wasn't that big a town to begin with. Why did I even go after him? I felt that I needed to. After what had happened between us, and what he had said, what I had said and how we had this big an effect on each other, I felt that I just had to face him.

It was hard though.

The weather was pretty messed up to be honest. And a definite storm was coming in from the north that sent winds through the trees, throwing open windows and gates, tumbling over trashcans. It was as if the weather was responding to his feelings for me right at that moment. Terrible thing was, I hated the fact that he now would hate me more than ever. I'd never had Gibbs hate me before, or be this moved by me. But thinking on it now, maybe he always had been affected by me and I never really knew about it.

I found him sitting at a closed up train station about a block away on a red painted wooden bench. Shoulders hunched as the wind swept around him, he looked like one of those death eaters from Harry Potter or something. And at first I was scared to approach him, believing that maybe it wasn't him and whoever it was would 'avada kedavra' me if I went too close. But I took my chances.

There wasn't anything I could say as I got close to him. And so I sat down near him, well almost a foot away silently. I don't know if he sensed my presence but looking back now I remember feeling devastated to hear him sob as he sat there. It honestly tore me up really bad, my heart pained terribly and for the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to say to him. I always knew what to say to him. I always could come up with something to tell him, like something about boats, or girls, or the case at hand. Sometimes I could even throw my movie references by him and have him smile if I was lucky enough.

Even when he had come close to dying back when Jenny was alive, and he was shaken up about Shannon and Kelly's deaths, I knew what to say to him.

"_My mom's gone too, boss. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. Thing is, you never stop wishing that things worked out differently but it didn't and you just gotta live with it or at least try to."_

"Gibbs…" I said and wasn't surprised to hear my voice strained.

He was startled and turned sideways to observe me sitting there. And when our eyes met, I knew right there and then what most people feel when they say sometimes they meet that one person who when they look into their eyes, they somehow see into their soul.

His blue eyes were not sharp as they always appeared whenever I'd look at him. But dull. And behind his eyes I could see hurt, deep hurt as gazed back at me, holding his gaze. I saw such deep sadness that I never even imagined Gibbs could feel.

I didn't know what to say after that.

What should I do? Should I touch him, his face? Should I say I'm sorry or nothing at all?

"I –"

"Really…don't want to…talk to you", he said shaking his head and diverting his eyes from me.

"But –"

"Leave."

I was expecting that.

I sighed, felt the back of my throat close up. "I can't…"

A gush of wind swept in and around us, rustling the leaves on the trees and stirring up our hair, his hair. And I wanted to touch him. I don't know how that thought came into my head, or why I felt it, but I wanted to really bad.

"I remembered Abby saying that she took you to see all the Harry Potter films whenever they'd come out", I said trying with all my might to just be myself and to not lose composure because if I did…let's not go there. "Funny but I always remember this line that the big hairy dude said in one of them. See, the thing is, he looked out the window and saw the sky grey, heavy wind, and he said 'a storm's coming, Harry. We best be prepared when she comes'. And I always remember that line somehow. Well other than those funny names and stuff."

I couldn't stop talking.

"Any day I prefer Harry Potter over Twilight though. I just don't get the pale skin Edward Cullen. Between you and I, Harry's not that bad looking, comparing him to the Weasley twins though, now they're murderously cute. Oh shoot", I said and caught myself, "Palmer looks like Harry Potter."

I was expecting, oh I don't know, him to say 'ya think?' or 'now you figured that out, DiNozzo?' or even a smile. But nothing like that happened. He had his face behind his hands, elbows on his knees. Fuck, I had messed up bad. Only one thing to try and if that didn't work then I would know for certain that he was so pissed at me that nothing could move him. It was the one thing I could always remind him of that would make him smile, or if I caught him in a nice mood, he'd laugh about the memory.

"You always carry those eyes with you, hot shot?" I said in my best imitation of his gruff voice. "Don't get me wrong but the other agents might wanna know why you're wearing your jeans that tight…"

_Xxx_

"…_to a job interview", he said and then his deep blue eyes moved from my feet all the way up to meet my eyes._

_I shrugged. "See it's this thing…" and I reached up to scratch my head, "I happen to be a…DiNozzo and we've got this reputation to uphold." He was smiling now. "We need to look good."_

_He was laughing now. "What about trying too hard?"_

_I was offended. "Me?" I asked as we walked into the elevator. "Moi? I don't try hard. It's all me, this handsome face, sculpted figure…oh yeah." And I smoothed back my hair._

"_You're too much", he said smiling and he hit the button, the elevator began to move. "I like that though."_

"_You do?" I asked a bit surprised. "Gee, thanks, plus it comes as an asset in doing my job."_

"_Offering charm?"_

"_Yeah", I said smiling. "To crack the truth out of those willing to be…"_

_Xxx_

"…charmed." And I stopped, still watching him. "Oh come on", I said playfully and poked his arm with my finger, "I know you're smiling." And he moved his hands up, ran his fingers through his hair and leant back. But he didn't smile. "Hmm", I said this time, trying to remember something else. "Let's see. Oh!" and I pointed at him, "bet this will make you react. When we were in the washroom together and your zipper got stuck." And I laughed. "That was hilarious. Especially when you turned to me and said 'DiNozzo, can you help…"

_Xxx_

"…_me out here", and I turned to look at him, saw him frowning down at the front of his pants._

"_Erm…?"_

"_My zipper is stuck", he protested, and tried to pull it up but didn't succeed. _

"_You want me to…?"_

_And when he looked up and threw me that 'ya think?' look, I zipped up fast then moved over to stand before him. But I didn't know what to…I mean, could I touch him there? _

"_Um…" I reached out and took the zipper between my fingers, then moved back the flap near it with my left hand. "If anyone walks in here right now, like Ziva, or even McGee, I'm not going to hear the end of this", I said peering down at his zip._

"_Well see if you can help me out fast then", he said and reached down to tug at the zipper too. Our hands met and I hesitated a bit then moved mine aside, cheeks burning up._

"_Alright, don't move", I said, "and…" I lashed his hand away, "don't do that." He moved his hands and sighed, then looked around, then at the door._

_Well of course I felt him because my fingers ever so gently brushed against the bulge in his pants more than like thrice. And I remembered thinking Abby would throw a fit if she walked in and saw us like this. I practically had my hands all over the front of Gibbs pants trying to get his zipper up. And I remembered thinking how full he was as I stooped there in front of him. So Kate had been right when she said that Gibbs had the full package going on there. He filled the front of his pants fully, and I was ready to place my bets that he was longer and thicker that I was. Damn him. No wonder the ladies fell for him._

_Little did I know then, that while I was working on his zipper, if I had looked up maybe only once, the expression on his face would have astounded me. Nevertheless, always boasting that I was a good observer and all that, as soon as I fixed it and looked up, I missed that desirous look on his face as he stood there. _

"_It's –" _

"_Thanks", he said quickly and moved away, then began to walk out._

"…_done", I continued my sentence and frowned after him._

_Xxx_

"I told Abby about it", I said to him now, as he avoided my eyes, yet he was smiling slightly. "She asked me a bunch of questions trying to assess how…long and…that sorta…" I cleared my throat, "stuff you felt like. But it was funny."

I watched him take a deep breath then he swallowed.

"Gibbs, are you gonna talk to me?"

What a stupid question that was right? I mean, after all I did put him through…

"Say something", I said looking at him. "Say you hate me, want me to leave you alone, to go…you want me out of your life, I make you sick…you want me?" I suggested.

I wasn't expecting him to get up. But he did, and I did too, kind of like a reflex. He stood there, hesitating a bit, his back to me and then he turned to me, breathing hard as if he couldn't control himself, how he was feeling. I immediately knew that I could never ever lie to myself again in believing that I didn't have a serious impact on him. There was no way I could forget the way he appeared as he looked back at me, struggling with himself to just look at me. And I could see the torment in his eyes, how he was uneasy, almost as if he couldn't control himself. I could feel that he wanted to move closer to me, and he did. But then he moved away, ran his fingers through his hair, over his face.

"Gibbs –"

"I…hate you", he said and his right hand moved up, touched my left shoulder then moved away as he forced it to. "Tony…_God_…help me.", he said. And I felt tears burn up my eyes.

"You…hate me?" I asked now confused, feeling my chest close up, my mouth dry, throat dry. Just him saying that made me feel like shit.

"I want you…so bad. Make it _stop_, DiNozzo", he said in a strained voice. "Please, you don't know what you're doing to me."

"Gibbs, I –"

"Yes or no", he stated, his eyes on mine, "one word, your choice. I'll walk away or I'm all…yours."

And I don't know what happened to me right there. I honestly don't know. But you know those times when you know you want to make a decision and say yes. It's like you know what you want but just in that brief few seconds right before you say yes or no, you're mind gets filled with all these images of doubt, like 'what if I did this and this happens?' And I thought about what people said about how being gay could make you an outcast. I wasn't prepared to do that. I wasn't even sure what I wanted.

"No", I said softly. Yet when I did, I wished that I'd never said it because Gibbs lost it terribly. I could see that he never anticipated how he'd feel if I said that and I never did as well. He stepped back and blinked several times too man, shaky and uncertain of what to do or say. And I knew that I had broken his heart. I felt the pain too. It was the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt in my life. And I'd never felt like this for anyone else before.

And honestly, when he turned around and walked away, I suddenly realized for the first time that I didn't give a fuck about being an outcast nor how people would react to how I felt. I wanted one thing. I wanted one person, not Ziva nor any other girl. Not even a couple million dollars nor even my job if it was on the line.

One thing was for sure on my side. I had made the wrong decision because right there and then, I fell painfully in love with Gibbs and just when I did, I had wrecked his heart up too.

Xxx

I never did sleep that night although I tried so hard to. And I was awake at around 5 am when the storm arrived. As rain pelted unto the rooftops and unto the window before me, I had my hands on my face and I sobbed. I cried like I never had maybe in years if I could remember. And the weird thing was that I didn't give a fuck with who says crying was for weak people. I wasn't weak. I was just a wreck. You try being in my position and tell me that you couldn't cry.

You try to just imagine having what happened to me in less than three days and try to get through it. I wasn't weak, I could hold my own still even though my frigging heart felt as if it was torn up. Of all the people in the world, it had to be Gibbs. Of all the women, even men if it just had to be a man, it had to be him who put me through this nauseating headache, heartache…if any dude looked at me and laughed, called me a sissy, I'd shoot them.

I wasn't a girl just because I cried for almost two hours over him. It meant that I was only being a human. It meant that I had feelings…that I cared.

And at around 6 am that morning, I took a long bath, standing there in the shower just staring at nothing at all. The hot water never bothered me, because all I could see was his face before me. I could smell his skin and his clothes. I could taste his lips and feel his mouth on mine, his body against me, him hard and thick within his pants.

When I did wake up, I was on the floor, sucking the chair leg, my cell ringing from my pants pocket. Taking it out, eyes squinted, I flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Tony", it was Ziva. "When are you going to get here?"

"I…just woke up!"

"We are all waiting on you. Abby and McGee have results to share with us."

"I'm coming now", I said feeling my throat hurt, sore. And my eyes were burning too. Geese I was such a wreck. "Is Gibbs there?"

"Yes", she said softly. And I heard muffled voices in the background. "Hold on."

"What?"

I heard the bells tinkle obviously from above the door into the store. "I had to get away from them. Sorry. Tony, what happened last night?"

I was worried now. "Why you ask?"

"Tony, Gibbs…he is…" and I could even imagine her face expression strained as she thought about the suitable word to use, "I do not know what to say. He looks terrible. Did you two talk last night?"

My heart was aching. I pushed the motel door open and walked out onto the sidewalk, head spinning.

"Yeah…we did."

"And…?"

"Ziva, I can't talk about it."

"It is hurting you!" she exclaimed, worry in her voice. "I can hear it, and to see Gibbs like that…I heard you crying last night! And in all the years I've known you, I have never heard you cry like that!"

"Ziva…"

"Tony, let me try to help you", she said softly, "please. I can do something. I can try. I want to see you smiling again. I want to see you clowning around and I want to see you and Gibbs talking again. I do not like this tension between the two of you. And after what happened last night when he walked in on us. It is about time I had a talk with Gibbs."

"No, Ziva. Just leave it alone."

"Tony!" she said angrily. "I am involved in this too whether you like it or not! I want to help you, I want to help Gibbs as well."

"You want to help?" I asked.

"Yes!"

"How?"

"I am going to talk to him", she said firmly. "Right after this I am going to talk to him."

"And tell him what?" I asked frustrated now. "What can you possibly tell him?"

She was silent. And now I saw her standing across the road outside the store, her eyes meeting mine and holding our gaze. I snapped my cell shut and jogged across the street.

"What?" I asked when she kept on looking at me, and her forehead creased in concern.

But before I could answer, she threw her arms around me and nuzzled her face into my shoulder. I welcomed it because it felt good to have her hug me. Ziva always made me feel better. I just needed to know that there was someone who cared, someone who loved me still.

"I look that bad?" I asked trying to crack a smile when she pulled away.

"You look pastry and your eyes are redshot."

"It's pasty and bloodshot", I said and actually smiled at her mix up in language. "I don't care right now", I said. "How I look I mean. It's how I feel."

"Aww", she said and rested her hand on my face. "I want to cheer you up."

"Later", I said calmly and peered into the store. "Let's get this over with." I began to walk to the door but she grabbed my arm.

"Tony, before you go in there, I must tell you that Gibbs…he doesn't look well enough. But he is angry alright? Just try to not say anything really to him. He may need his space or something, whatever you guys do when you are angry at each other. Just…"

I frowned then pushed the door open and walked in, my eyes trailing the lines on the floor. But he was there, standing right in front of me, yet I didn't look at him. Dear God I wanted to though. I wanted to badly. I wanted to look at him and meet his eyes because I felt that he was looking at me. I wanted to…

"Tony!" It was Abby's voice coming from the laptop set on the table in front of me. I watched her throw her arms out. "Cyber hug!"

"Abby!" I said in an unsteady voice, "what's up?"

But her eyes were on mine.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing", I said calmly and smiled.

"Were you crying –"

"Tell us what you and McGee found, Abby", Ziva said cutting her off, and their eyes met briefly, something passed between them which I took to understand that she signaled her to not query further.

"Yeah, what did you stumble upon?"

Her eyes moved to Gibbs then to me and to Gibbs again.

"I…don't know but it's kinda weird to not have you talking, Gibbs."

"What ya got, Abs?" Gibbs asked and I was shocked to hear his voice as unsteady and low.

"That can do", she said and smiled. "McGee and I have solved the case, whilst the three of you are busy being tied up in a web of desire and love and", she took in a deep breath then smiled, "a love triangle –"

"Abby…" I pleaded with her. "Don't."

McGee pushed her aside and sighed. 'Boss, we found a flash drive hidden within the hem of Troy's leather jacket. The bottom hem, you know, the one right around the –" And he stopped, maybe waiting on Gibbs to say "I know that, McGee!" but nothing like that happened.

"Anyway", McGee said slightly flabbergasted, "we checked it out, and found –"

Abby pushed him aside, pouted at him. "Pictures, Gibbs, loads of em. Troy was keeping tabs on this guy that apparently went to school with you two. Check them out." The screen shifted and we were faced with two rows of pictures. "In all of them", and she blew up the first one, "this guy, who we identified as –"

"Jack Willis", both Ziva and I said at the same time. I turned to look at her. She frowned.

"Glad to clarify that", Abby said calmly, "moving on. As you can see", and she clicked through the pictures, "in every single one, this guy approaches a female all around the same age. And then he talks to them briefly, then you can see him moving away with them. I tried to get face recognition on most of them and Gibbs this is big. This guy was actually trying to lure these young girls into prostitution."

I was kind of relieved that it wasn't a serial killer we had on our hands.

"Boss, all of these girls were shown to report being sexually assaulted."

"Did they give a description of the person who did it?" I asked.

Abby shook her head. "In all of these cases, the victims claimed that they were threatened that if they reported who it was, they're lives would be placed at risk."

"But…" I was confused, "how does this explain Troy's murder?"

"Patience Tony", Abby suggested. "Go, McGee."

He seemed flustered at first then began. "Remember the voice recorded conversation that Maggie Tippet gave us? Well the audio levels were too low to even pick up a clear conversation but Abby and I were able to adjust the levels, eliminating background noise to get a clearer audio."

"Have a listen, dudes and dudess", Abby said smiling broadly.

The conversation began.

"_I know what you did, what you're doing Willis."_

"_What you gonna do about it?"_

"_I'm gonna expose you", Troy could be heard saying. "I'm gonna use what I have and give it to someone who can do something about it."_

"_You threatening me again? I told you at the fair that I don't take well to threats –"_

"_You're using these girls wrongfully!" Troy exclaimed. "You're playing with their innocence, they're barely legal, Willis!"_

"_I told you before to stay outta this, Stephens. You don't want things to get ugly."_

"_What you're gonna do to me?"_

"_How's about I find that gay boyfriend you used to have here and start from there?" Willis asked lowly, "how's about I find Gibbs and do what I promised to do years ago back when you two were fucking each other?"_

"_Leave Gibbs out of this", Troy said softly. "Don't do anything to him."_

"_Oh no matter what you say I'm gonna find him and get to him. He took what's precious from me. He took you away from me and had you all to himself –"_

"_I loved Gibbs!" Troy shouted. "I never love you, you worthless piece of shit!"_

"_Oh you're gonna take that back", Willis threatened and a glass slammed down on the table. "I'm gonna wash you filthy gay mouth and watch you foam."_

"_Fuck off", Troy said. "Stay away from Gibbs. Don't you go near him, or else I'll have to deal with you, Willis."_

"_I'll deal with you first", Willis said and laughed. "Get rid of those pictures, stop following me."_

The recorded conversation ended. And just as I was about to play it over in my head, Gibbs moved from where he was. Eyes on him, face set, he strode to the store door and pulled it open.

"Leroy?" Jackson called after him. But he never did turn back to answer.

I threw a look at Ziva and even before she could move, I did. When I got out onto the street, he was already going into his car.

"Gibbs", I called after him, but he didn't stop nor look at me. "Boss, you got something?" I tried not using his name but he still didn't answer. And as he pulled away, I threw my hands up in disgust, noticed Ziva standing next to me. "What the hell is his problem?"

"Maybe he needs to go take some time alone, yes?" she asked. I merely looked at her warily then feeling defeated, I dragged my feet as I went back inside the store.

**(Gibbs)**

I was really angry. Can't curse here as much as I want to. Feeling like your chest is on fire and you can't breathe…glad if you never ever felt that way.

I can't dwell on what I feel, honestly. Then I'd just take out my gun and use it and I know that I'm stronger than that, that there IS a way to get through this. I'd done it before. I'd been through Shannon and Kelly's deaths, lived through it. But this right here, this felt terrible, no really.

I was in so much pain that I couldn't even breathe properly. Thoughts weren't coming full out to me, I was confused. And when I heard that asshole's voice, his threats he played on Troy, I flew into rage.

Remembering Jack from high school was like remembering the guy who held your head into the toilet bowl at lunch. He never managed to do that to me, but he sure as hell made my high school life a living hell just by existing. One time, he took Troy's clothes from out of his bag when we were at gym class and he soaked them under the pipe. Another time, he told as much people as he could get to that I was having a fling with our Maths teacher. I had a fight with him and then after that, things went from bad to worst.

But all in all, he was always jealous over Troy being my best friend from the time we entered high school. And we became romantically involved with each other; I think that was the last fuse to blow in his head. Guy used to stalk us everywhere we went, to the movies, at each other's house. Not even threatening him worked. He'd keep doing what he did. And when Troy and I both signed up to join the Marine Corp, he went over the edge.

I mean, he'd been feeling this way for all these years? Can't people get over stuff? Look who's asking that…after loving one man for more than 7 years I'm talking about moving on.

Oh shit, it really pained me to even think of him, like honestly. And when he went after me last night, geese I don't know what to think about that.

I never expected him to do that. How he tried to make me smile, brought up those memories…That was totally unexpected.

And then he said no…

I parked in front of the local Dine and Wine bar along the back road and got out, slamming the car door out of anger over Tony, Troy, Willis.

Why I was angry at Troy? He had to get himself involved in this shit with Willis. He just had to. He was going to Washington to see me about the photos, for us to bust Willis. But he never got through. It hurt just to think that maybe I caused his murder to happen. After all these years, Jack held this grudge against us, and I was the fault behind all of this. I was involved with Troy; he wanted my best friend to himself. And it was like if years ago I had initiated Troy's death sentence

Pushing the door open, I walked inside, eyes wandering about. And when I saw him, I walked his way. He turned to see me coming, and at first his face didn't register recognition. But when it did, he got up.

"Sit down, Willis", I said in a dangerous tone.

"Well if it isn't Leroy Jethro Gibbs." I watched him as he stood in front of me, sizing me up with his dull brown eyes. He looked the same, stubble on his chin, razor burns on his face, buzz cut. Nothing changed I guess. "Come to lock me up?"

"You", I said moving up to him, angry, "bastard."

He smiled. "A gay cop showing up here after all these years and calling me a bastard…it ain't gonna hurt me –"

"You just couldn't leave him alone!" I said grabbing him by the front of his dirt stained shirt. I was shaking with rage. "You just had to get to him."

"Let me go or I swear I'm gonna show you how weak a cop you are, Gibbs."

I didn't.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked. The bar was empty but the bartender knew well enough to not intervene. He knew me, knew who I worked for. Bob and I went way back.

"Don't know what you're talking about", the fuck said blankly at me. "Now let me go or this will get ugly just as it did with your gay lover, that cunt."

"You killed him", and I made sure I sent across my accusation with meaning and anger. "Fuck, you killed him."

"Had to", he admitted. "He chose to fuck you over me, chose to have you up his ass even after all these years. And he never ever gave me a chance. I deserved him. You weren't even into him –"

"I loved him!" I said cutting him off. "You killed him because of me? Because I loved him? Because he loved me back? What sort of low hearted fuck does that?"

He was smiling. "All those memories the two of you had. I heard him talk about it. You two going off to Desert Storm and being near each other all the time. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!"

"You're a mad ass", I said in disbelief. "You just can't get over the fact that he never wanted you."

"Plus he was threatening me to expose my business, ME. It's over now. You can never have him back." And he actually was smiling. "You both will go to hell for what you did. Gay assholes like you don't go to Heaven and I –"

I pulled out my gun and surprisingly, he pulled his out as well. I was amazed at his reflex response. "Give yourself up." I said looking at his gun.

"Go to hell, Gibbs", he said pointing it at me. And as soon as I saw him pull back the clip, dread filled my gut. I had unloaded my weapon the night before just because I was so devastated enough that I believed I'd kill myself.

What the hell was wrong with me? I never did that shit. I never was this reckless. I couldn't think, couldn't understand how I could be that stupid to leave without loading my weapon. I had fucked up big time now. Just as his eyes moved over me, I lowered my gun. In my mind I was praying to God that DiNozzo had followed me. But I knew better of it. He wouldn't because I didn't ask him to.

I could feel my hands tremble as I pushed my gun back into the holster, my eyes on Jack's.

"Don't do it", I said in a low, voice.

"Oh but I have to", he said and actually laughed. "You gotta die."

"No", I said, searched his eyes. "Listen to me, some things are hard to accept, but sometimes you just have to."

"Ehh!" he said signaling that I had answered wrong. "Wrong answer."

And in that split second as his finger moved over the trigger, every millisecond, everything happened in slow motion. I instantly saw one thing that almost knocked the wind out of me as I stood there. It was his face. His clear green eyes were in my mind as I watched Jack. He was sitting at his desk back in Baltimore and his lips were moving but there was no sound.

And when Willis pulled the trigger, the last thing I remembered seeing was DiNozzo's smile and the feeling that had washed over me when I had then first fallen in love with him.

**(DiNozzo)**

"But you must imagine how he feels."

"Thanks", I said taking the cup of coffee from Jackson, my eyes meeting his.

Ziva was sitting on the table next to me. Abby was on video chat, listening to every word.

"Tony –"

"Abby, I really don't feel like talking about this right now", I said avoiding her eyes. "So just drop it."

But she wouldn't give up. "My two favorite guys are hurting and you expect me to do nothing about it? Tony, I want this to stop, for you to start talking to him again like before. I don't think I've ever seen Gibbs that shaken up before ever since I've met him. And you…"

"He cried all night last night", Ziva baited her, avoiding my eyes. "Tony cried his eyes out last –"

"Ziva", I hissed.

Abby's eyes were wide as saucers. "You cried? I've never seen you cry before!" and she began to pace the floor. "This is bad. This is really bad. I need to get up there right now."

"You stay where you are", I said calmly and sighed. The last thing I needed right then was to have her getting all flustered over me.

"No, I need to get up there."

"No", I said firmly, avoiding her eyes.

Abby appeared dumbfounded because for once in a long while, I had rejected her helping me, or even lending a shoulder to lean on. But it was the last thing I needed. I felt terrible right then. I needed no one's help.

"But you need us to help –"

"I don't need anyone's help!" I demanded, getting up, running a hand over my face. "Just, leave this alone, alright?"

"Tony…"

"You don't understand", I said looking at Ziva, feeling cold sweat engulf me. "This is personal. I'm not a child therefore I can handle this on my own."

"He wants his space", Jackson said.

I turned to him and sighed out of relief. "Thank you! See? At least someone understands."

Abby was smirking, Ziva's eyes wild with concern.

"You're not alone on this", Abby said softly, "Gibbs is involved too."

I picked up my cap and glared at her. "Then go find him and ask him if he wants your help. I'm done here."

But when I heard the wail of the siren, my feet became rooted to the spot. Immediately fear crept over my heart and even a few seconds into that feeling, I had no idea why I felt that way. Standing there, I continued to back the rest of them and heard the siren grow closer.

"I wonder who's dying now", Ziva said quietly as the Ambulance drove by.

"Maybe Willis killed himself and made our jobs easier", Abby suggested.

But I didn't believe any of that. Taking my cell out, I dialed his number and listened. There was no answer.

"Ziva", I said without looking at her, "call…Gibbs."

"But –"

"Just do it!" I snapped at her.

I heard her sigh.

But then the visual behind the glass door leading into the store was blocked by a woman's figure. Fatigue on her face, she pushed the door open, stopping to clutch at her sides as she gasped for air.

"It's Leroy, he's just been…shot. At the local Dine and Wine. Jack Willis. Ambulance. Critical. Hospital. St. Jude's Mercy Hospital."

It was Maggie Tippet.

Instantly, I grew dizzy. Using one hand to clutch the door as I steadied myself, I swore and felt tears form in my eyes. And without looking back, I went after Jack Willis.

xxx

A/N - **To clear one thing up, there is a definite understanding that this story is OOC. NCIS has never introduced a gay Gibbs or the sorta Tony who has to deal with his boss having feelings for him. So please stop sending us reviews telling us that our story is not actually portraying Gibbs or Tony as they really are. We are introducing you to a whole new side of these characters. **

**And head slap to all of you who believe Gibbs is some superhero that doesn't cry or never cried. He cried when Shannon died, plus he cried when Mike Franks died and when his mother in law and him had the fall out. Everyone cries.**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N - So sorry about the months of delay but I was recruited to a base in the middle of nowhere and Abby as well as myself could not find time to put our parts together. But I'm back home now and here's what we managed to whip up. The story is still with us. If you'd like you can stick with it. Thanks though. We really appreciate the old subscribers who were here and are still here. And for the new ones, welcome.**

Xxx

**Tony DiNozzo**

Putting two rounds in him was what I wanted so desperately to do, just out of spite and anger. I stood there for more than half a minute contemplating on my next move. And as he smiled at me, his crooked teeth bared, and his eyes beady, I wanted to finish him. But my gut told me not to do it.

See, there are times when you feel compelled to do something, yet there is this slight tingling behind your brain that shouts "don't do it!" The consequences I didn't give a fuck about because I'd be cleared. He had shot Gibbs, I was sure of it. And to me, the law could swing any way to place someone else in a fucked up world if they screwed with him.

But before I could even pull the trigger, Stillwater Police and surrounding Cop Central officers swarmed the place, taking him down, his hands behind his head. And the fucking lunatic kept laughing all the way to the car outside. Even as he was pushed inside the hot vehicle, he appeared calm and cool.

With gritted teeth, I spat furiously on the grass and pushed my gun back into my shoulder holster. Cops wanted to ask questions, but I diverted my eyes, staring at the ground. When my cell vibrated, I wanted to pull it out from my pocket and hurl it into the muddy river behind the Diner.

But it was Ziva.

"What?" I asked curtly.

"Where are you?"

"None of your business."

"You're at the Diner."

"Then why ask me where I am?"

"Because I care!"

"Then don't!" I shouted into the phone, without thinking.

There was silence on the other side, and I could only hear her breathing. Then she sighed. "I expected this. I am the first person you will vent your anger out on."

I wanted to say I was sorry, but my stubborn mind forced me not to. "How wise of you."

"Look!" she said angrily, "I was just checking up on you! Hate me for it!"

"You're giving me the right to, now –"

"Zip it!" and then she growled. "Gibbs was shot. He is in the hospital. Just thought you'd like to know. Pull your boxers out of your ass."

"How dare –" but she had snapped her cell close and the line disconnected.

Striding away from the cops, the scene, I stalked into a cluster of bushes, walked a good couple of feet into it, and kicked a tree trunk until my toes ached.

"Damn you, Gibbs!" I shouted, and ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration.

He thought he needed to prove a point, thought that he could show us all that he was the only one who could always hold his fucking own. And being as stubborn as he is, he could have been killed for it. Of course, ever since I started to work for him, that was a trait I hated in him: the fact that he'd do the unthinkable and risk the most dangerous tasks on hand.

But what was it that I really wanted from him, from this whole situation? Would I have been as affected as this if what had happened had occurred without us having fallen into this web of…

I walked out and towards my car, pulling open the door and climbing inside. Somehow I didn't get the engine started just yet, but sat there fuming, drowning in numerous frivolous thoughts. And I remember this stupid fantasy I used to have when I was a boy, picking petals off from a flower, chanting the words 'she loves me, she loves me not' hoping that the last petal would warrant some sentence tying a girl to me that I adored.

Why was love always so fucking hard for me, so painful and disastrous? I mean, most guys had it easy. They got a woman, and could keep her. Me? I got them yeah, I could get any if I wanted to, and yet now I had screwed it all. I had gone and gotten myself involved even though I didn't want it, with a guy. This was a man who happened to be my boss, someone who wasn't a buddy, who wasn't a frat brother, who wasn't a hot chick but a man. If dad only heard of this, he'd take away the little share I held in the will itself, cutting me out for good.

Could this be compared to when I had that secret attraction for my gym teacher back in Baltimore High? I mean, it used to be weird yeah, but the dude was totally buffed with toned arms, legs, abs… But I never wanted to be romantically involved with him. Somehow the only thing I wanted was to be like that.

_That's not attraction, Tony._

Oh shut the fuck up.

_Attraction is you wanting to see him naked, being turned on by his body, wanting to touch him, have him touch you._

I gulped, slammed my foot down on the gas and the car pelted forward.

Xxx

**Ziva David**

I was not stupid to not see and understand what was going on. In fact, you would expect me to be confused and angry but deep down inside, I wasn't. I was feeling a mixture of doubt yet shame.

First of all, the doubt had begun since I started to date Tony because he never appeared to be the sort of person to commit easily. And he did when I taunted him and suggested that we try working on what we were feeling. Thinking about it now, maybe I was the only one feeling what I was and still was feeling for him. But exactly what I was feeling, I did not know. Ah! Confusion!

As I sit now in the foyer of the hotel in Stillwater, I cannot think properly. Usually, I am always like a clock, tick tock, on time and ready to take action. But not today. Gibbs was rushed off to the hospital, Tony went after him and I don't know where the hell to go.

If I go to the hospital, I must be prepared to face an anguished Tony as well as a broken Gibbs. Abby would be there, very upset and nervy. And I would just be standing around, trying to look as if I was concerned. Truth is, I wasn't feeling sorry for Gibbs. Hate me for thinking that way, but in my mind, it kept nagging at me that it would be better if he just went out of my life. I did not want him to die. I just needed him to retire and go back to Mexico.

Of all the times he had ridiculed me in the past, this time he had somehow done it. I did not want to blame him for having Tony falling for him. But to have it happen like this, especially when I was attached to DiNozzo… It really did hurt me.

I had been in love with Tony since I had met him. And falling for someone, especially someone like him wasn't exactly my kind of thing. Before I had realized what had happened, I had fallen for every bit of him, down to his hairy butt.

But let's keep things simple enough.

The bottom line is, I want him. I am jealous and selfish and I have been working on this forever. And finally when it was going somewhere, it was about to crumble. I had to do something. Speaking to myself in my mind was something I always learnt to do. Growing up in a family with mostly men, girlish thoughts would never escape my lips like that. They spoke about guns whilst I wanted to know about boys. Yet I kept my mouth shut and pushed back those feelings.

And Tony had awakened them in me once more. He had made me realize that I wanted more. I wanted something permanent. And it was him. I didn't want to let him go.

So taking up my army colour duffel bag, I slung it over my back and slumped out of the lobby. Head bent, I considered my options once more and decided that I needed some place to go to think. I needed to be alone and to let go of some steam. And the only person I could turn to at that moment was McGee.

Calling him was easy. Summoning him to talk and meet me was not an easy fete. Like myself, he did not know where to go. He was afraid to go visit Gibbs in the hospital. And to comfort Tony, man to man, Tim was never ever ready for that part.

I met him under a lime green umbrella outside a small Drink Shop two streets away from the motel. He was already there when I arrived, sitting as stiff as a poker. And I tried to crack a smile then realized that I felt as stiff as plywood as well.

I sat next to him and breathed in. He observed me with calm eyes.

It was he who spoke first. "What are you going to do?"

I didn't ask what he was speaking about. The question already registered itself in my mind and I realized that I was not even ready to answer it.

"I…don't know", I said quietly, studying my fingers. "I think I know what I want to do, and what must be done but it…" I couldn't say more.

He studied me then sighed. "I really don't want to say something and make things worse—"

"Say anything", I urged. "I need someone other than my voice inside my head to speak to me right now."

He considered it. "Um, you have every right to be angry at both of them, especially Gibbs. But looking at it from an outsider point of view, I think this has been going on like for a long time."

I was confused.

"I mean that Gibbs has been feeling this way about Tony for a long time. Abby and I have seen it long ago." And he slowed down. I know that he was trying to pick his words carefully. "The head slaps, pat on the heads, this whole thing about DiNozzo being his Senior Agent…"

"All of those things don't suggest anything, McGee", I said amused.

"So to you, it just happened just like that." And he snapped his fingers.

"I suppose."

"No", he said calmly. "Things begin to add up once you consider the string of divorces, bourbon and a boat in his basement alone, Mike Franks…"

"Eew", I said as I visualized Mike Franks and Gibbs together. "Maybe in their younger days but still."

"Look, what can I say", McGee said flustered. "Like Abby says, it's there. You try to explain it but you can't. But it's like you know."

"Know what exactly?" I asked because I wanted to make sure we were on the same level.

He considered me again. "That Gibbs is into men. Stan Burley, Mike Franks, Jeff Jardins from IT, well you don't know him but—"

"Stan I know him yes", I agreed. The way Stan looked at Gibbs alone would suggest that he was more than enough in love with his ex-boss.

"Only option for you is to choose. I can't do that for you." And he chewed on his nails. I actually never considered McGee to be the sort of person to chew on his nails. "Let him go or fight for him."

I wanted him to be with me. But if I did that, then it would mean going back to work facing Gibbs and the fact that I had fought against him like I did many times in the past to win. And winning…would it feel real and nice this time? Would I feel relieved? I suppose I'd have to quit NCIS if I wanted to live on with the fact of being with DiNozzo because I couldn't have Gibbs as my boss like that.

But if I let Tony go, would he be happy I did? Heck we hadn't talked much about this incident since it happened.

Either way I'd be heartbroken. So naturally, I decided that I needed to talk things through with him first. And I needed to do it now.

Xxx

**Gibbs**

There are times in your life when you can feel like a real hero and other times when you feel like a complete jackass. And lying there in that bed just made me ponder on the sad point that I had done something and every time I considered it, I felt like a bastard.

I wanted it yet I was unsure of what to do.

So instead of agonizing about it and having my feelings run after someone who wasn't even going to consider mine, I just closed my eyes. Listening to the hum of the machines could really tear a sane man apart in less than an hour's time indeed. With every beep, I felt the gunshot wound expel a forceful and painful tug at my side. I couldn't move because my entire body felt as if it was on fire, and yet I couldn't breathe properly.

My chest felt as if someone was sitting on me, very fucked up if you ask me. Not that I was used to taking slow breathes just like that. I felt so restricted that I wanted to leap up and do something. But I didn't know what. If wanted to rip the fucking machines from around me and pelt them against the walls. Instead I picked up a magazine and flipped it open.

Just as I was scanning the cover brandished with a picture of Ryan Reynolds, the door was strewn open and Abby flung herself inside the room.

Her face registered anguish, distraught, terrible worry and her cheeks were mildly pink.

"Gibbs! Gibbs!" and then she caught herself, "Gibbs", she continued in a whisper. I cringed, anticipating her hugging me, but she instead came over and sat on the bed, then rested her palm against my cheek. "Are you alright?"

I nodded as she looked down and her eyes began to wander around. Finding the bandaged wound, they widened and she gasped.

"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head. Perfect time to man up.

"I know it hurts. Poor baby. How come the others aren't here as yet?" her forehead creased with concern. "I thought they'd all be here: Team Gibbs." And then her eyes lit up. Whenever that happened, I braced myself for the inevitable. "You and Tony…my gods Gibbs!"

I didn't know whether to smile or just leave my expression bland. Nevertheless, I chose to just stare at her.

"I knew it! I just did. McGee owes me some cash now. But I want it so to happen! I mean, you and Tony. I know you love him and he, well he must feel the same! This is gonna be totally wicked! Not that him leaving Ziva is gonna be super. But I know how you feel about him. And…"

I allowed her to ramble on, with her usual Abby chatter. It wasn't that she was that annoying, but a certain memory had escaped from within the depths of my mind and had come forth like a soothing mist. I instantly tasted a kiss, and barely managed to reminisce on the smell of his perfume, the stiffness of his hair as my fingers passed through the strands.

The meeting in the night not so long ago was something I could not linger on for too long. Now that I played it back, my chest felt heavier and my heart weighed me down even more. I felt devastated and hopeless. Almost as if there was nothing more to work for. Even my job seemed useless and it was then that I realized that all these years, somehow he had been a huge motivation. I had always anticipated seeing him at work, being with him, even head slapping him, as cruel as it sounded. It provided me with an excuse to touch him, to have him notice me.

Not that I knew he didn't. I was too darn sexy.

"… yet I don't know what was going on. I mean, it was all there! We should have seen it sooner! Jack Willis: the fights, tension… but there's no forensic evidence that he killed Troy. Hmm."

I suddenly remembered something and reached over, taking it from the bureau next to the bed. Handing it to her, I pressed rewind and then let it play awhile. Her eyes widened when she heard a few lines into it and then she smiled.

"You recorded your entire conversation with Jack! How Gibbs-like!" And she reached out to hug me then composed herself and instead patted my forehead. "This sure will hold up in court."

Around fifteen minutes into her speaking to me, a nurse came in to administer an injection along with providing me with some very large colourful pills to swallow down. My throat felt parched, so naturally the water tasted like heaven. Yet as soon as she left, I began to feel drowsy. Before I knew it, I was sleeping.

**Xxx**

**Tony DiNozzo**

When I walked into the room, the first thing I noticed was that the shades were drawn shut. And the sound of the machines were terrorizing, especially the oxygen tank that they had hooked up to the mask he was now wearing.

"You're here", Abby said getting up from the chair beside the bed. "Gibbs, he's here." When she took up his right hand that appeared really limp and lifeless from my side of the room, I immediately felt devastated. Maybe my assumptions were right. He was dying.

Instead of looking at him, looking at his face, although he was looking at me and I knew it, I focused on Abby as she came around the bed and towards me. Taking my hand she led me outside and braced against the wall. Her eyes were red and swollen, cheeks moist and lips quivering. I held her hands. They were shaky. I couldn't think straight so I hugged her. But when I did, all I could do was feel tears threaten to anguish me, take me over and drown me.

"Tony", she said and wrapped her arms around me tighter. "You _have_ to go in there, _talk_ to him. He needs you _really bad_." And she sniffed, pulled away slowly. "I know that you've been angry at him, and you two fought and stuff, but he needs you Tony, he _really_ does."

"He's dying", I stated…searching her eyes for an answer, fear creeping over me. "Tell me he isn't dying."

"No!" she said quickly, her eyes wide. "He's dying from heartbreak though, a painful one."

I sighed. "Who…Troy?"

"You!" she exclaimed. "Didn't he tell you –?"

"He did", I said cutting her. "I just thought –"

"If you don't go in there and talk to him, I swear I'm going to hate you if anything happens to him, Tony."

I sighed, wiped my face with the back of my hand. "I don't know what to say to him, Abby. I just don't know. These few days..."

"Just go in there and show him that you still care. Crack jokes, make him smile, be yourself. He wants that. That's what he loves about you." And she took hold of both my shoulders. "You were always the one to get to him the most."

"_No_, that was _you_ Abby."

"No, it was never me. He could show me that he loved me easily, kiss me, give me hugs…but with you, just for him to show he cared more, imagine how it must have felt."

I wanted to complain more but knew that it wouldn't' get us anywhere. Besides…he was in there waiting on me to go in. And even though he was in a bed, couldn't move really, I still was anticipating him shouting my name out, a head slap if I didn't go in.

"I can't imagine it", I told her calmly.

"It's going to be easy for you though", she said sadly, taking my hand. "It's him who loves you. You're already dating Ziva and you love her, you have what you want already. Gibbs, he's gotta now get over you, move along and try to get over this. It's going to be so hard for him."

It was my fault in other words.

"It's going to be hard for me too", I said looking at her.

"How?"

"_Because_", and I turned to go into the room, "I've just broken up with Ziva and now I feel bad about this, about her and me."

"You broke up with her?" she asked in disbelief. "But _why_?"

I couldn't bring myself to say it. "It's his entire fault. When he kissed me the other night, after that, I can't stop thinking about him."

Her eyes grew wide and she gasped. She was actually smiling now. "Your _so_ in love with him!"

"No", I said trying to act defensive. "That's not…it…is it?"

"You totally are! I knew it! You stud muffins always swing both ways!"

"Hey!" I said smiling. "I'm a stud muffin?"

"Yup, and so is Gibbs." And she smiled broadly. "Knew it! McGee owes me five bucks now! So…" and she waited.

"What?" I asked looking at her.

"He's a great kisser huh?"

"What would make you –"

"Ever since he kissed me I can't help thinking about him…" she said repeating what I had said.

I thought about it. "Well yeah he…is."

"Lots of tongue?"

"Abby!"

"Oh look how he's blushing!" she said grabbing my hands. "You so need to go in there right now. You're _totally_ in the mood." And before I could even catch myself, she pushed me into the room.

But being back in the room, seeing him lying there dampened my mood once more. Not that I was in the highest of spirits for the past few days. As soon as I stepped across the threshold, he turned to look at me. And as our eyes met, something passed between us. It was new, something I had never ever felt in my life before having looked Gibbs in the eyes so many times before. Maybe it had to do with me now knowing how he felt about me, me knowing much more about everything.

His gaze was intense, his eyes watery and all of a sudden I felt the urge that I had before kicking in again. Maybe I should have kissed him back when he did the other night. I wanted to now. Every part of me reacted to him, the way he was looking at me…I felt rooted to the spot. Breaking the gaze, I stepped further into the room and towards the bedside table.

"You have a lot of admirers, Gibbs", I noted, fingering the red flowers part of a bouquet from Hollis, another bouquet from Doctor Ryan, one from Kate's sister. "Quite the ladies' man, aren't you?"

Of course he didn't answer. Even if he was well and sitting up, he'd never answer to that. Maybe throw a glare at me, or head slap me. But he'd never answer.

"We caught the guy who shot you", I said calmly, walking around the room. "He did put up a fight but I…shot him. I felt so angry…pissed at him when I heard. When he tried to get away I didn't chase him long. You'd expect Ziva to shoot but I did. Twice, one in his leg and the other grazed his side. Lucky bastard."

The sound of him inhaling, exhaling through the mask, the beeping of the machines filled the room. It wasn't as if he would have been talking much even if he could at the moment. Gibbs never talked much except for maybe recently when we had argued. But I wished he could have talked. I felt the anger build up in me.

"What made you go after him like that, Gibbs?" I asked with my back to him. My breathing rate was picking up now. "What the _hell_ made you do that, without backup, without telling us _anything_? For God's sakes you could have been _killed_!" And I turned to face him. "What? You were so upset with me that you didn't want me to be on your six like always? Since the beginning you've been hiding stuff from me about this case, about you, about how you _feel_. I don't _know_ what to say to you right now really." And I began to pace the room.

"Ever since I started to work for you I've tried to be a good agent. Every time I've trusted my gut I've felt nice about it because you do the same, I've had confidence in myself whenever you were proud of me yet you never said it often. And I always, _always_ trusted you to tell me the truth, to never lie to me, never hide stuff from me. These past few days you've done nothing but lie to me, lie to the team and yeah…" I said throwing up my hands in distress, "withholding information from us is lying, Gibbs. You keeping this big secret inside of you about how you've been feeling about me for so many years, to now let it out, how you knew Troy…I'm rambling like Abby now."

And I walked to the chair, then sat down and huffed out a sigh. After I couldn't take it anymore, I bent over his bed, and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Gibbs, say something…" I whispered. "Talk to me. I'm sorry, I didn't know…I'm sorry for yelling at you, making you feel bad, telling you you're stupid and cold…"

When his warm hand softly grabbed mine, I jumped, nearly pulled away but I didn't. I allowed him to hold my hand, and watched as he used his fingers to slowly feel mine, his thumb caressed between my thumb and pointer finger. It was a soft spot of mine and instantly I began to feel alert and provoked, stimulated. It was as if he knew exactly where to touch me to make me feel the way I was feeling.

"Tell me how you feel", I said softly, looking at him. "Just let me know more, Gibbs. I want to know more."

I watched him reach up to hold the mask thingee on his face, and then he was moving it aside slowly. His breathing came out raspy when he tried to breathe without it, and I wanted to tell him to put it back on. But there was a dying urge in me to hear what he wanted to say. I wanted to hear his voice, hear that low voice that I knew all too well once more. We hadn't spoken to each other in more than a day, decent conversation.

"DiNozzo", he said, his voice cracking.

"Gibbs", I said softly. He looked so unlike the Gibbs I knew, the one who gave me stares, orders, never took nonsense. He looked more soft and emotional, vulnerable. "Tell me."

I held unto his hand with both of mine and looked at him.

"I…can't", he said slowly.

"Why?" I asked. "I can take it. I want to hear more."

"I'm not good with…expressing myself."

"Oh, like Ziva", I said and nodded. I was good with expressing myself. I could tell anyone how I was feeling without even trying. But sometimes I found it hard to do. "Cool. Only one other way to do that then", I said playing with his fingers.

He looked at me questionably. I got up and sat on the bed, placing his hand on my upper right thigh and I used my right hand to caress his face for the first time, taking time to feel his skin, how he felt.

"Show me how you feel about me", I said softly as my gaze lingered on his lips.

"You want to kill me, don't you?" he asked as I leant in and my lips lay inches apart from his. "You…take my breath away, Tony."

I took my thumb and rubbed his bottom lip intimately. "Then we're both going to die", I whispered looking into his eyes, "because right now, I can't…breathe and if I kiss you, you're just going to leave me breathless."

But just then, the door was opened and a wide eyed Ziva walked in. Judging from her expression, she didn't look very understanding.

**More to come**


	7. Chapter 6

***The best comment I got for the last chapter was 'DAMN YOU, ZIVA!' lol! Nice going! Keep on reading then! Let me not hold you back!***

**[Not proofread or betaed]**

**xxx**

**Ziva David**

I guess I appeared bewildered and quite out of place as I stood there. Nothing could force me to understand what I was witnessing before me. And I could not muster up the courage to walk out back and let it be. This was a time that warranted more from me. Now I had to speak for myself and get some answers, even if I was not prepared to hear them.

And the biggest fall of it all was that I knew deep down inside that I was going to be the one to walk away.

DiNozzo sprang up when he saw me by the door. At first I did not see Gibbs entirely but when our eyes met, I regarded him briefly, diverting my stare to the green eye hunk of confusion. He was going to throw that 'I'm sorry, Ziva, but I don't know what's happening' line at me. I could actually see the thought being formed in his mind.

But before he could say it, I closed the door, latched it and stepped into the room. With my face bland, I cleared my throat and slowly began pacing the floor.

"So this is what it comes down to. The choice you have to make between us two."

"Ziva—"

"No let me finish", I said determined. There were things I needed to say. "You loved me, committed yourself, we were in the process of making this work: you and me. And then this happens." Running my fingers through my hair, I continued. "Then you came to me, confused, did not know what to do, you said it was ridiculous that this was happening. And now you have accepted it?"

I stood there and stared dumbfounded at him, waiting on an answer. The AC unit continued to whirl and hum in the room. And just that second I wanted to snatch it off the wall and smash it to pieces. This rage within me was gathering force from somewhere within. This wasn't the first time I was expected to be a pawn piece that others wanted to move around without any effort from my part. I had once before stood in a situation similar to this, but it was in comparison with my half-brother. My father had been assessing us, about to choose whom he should send on a mission in Iran and Ari was chosen because he was simply a man. There I had remained, uncertain of the choice and angered by that simple fact.

But now I was not going to remove myself without getting answers.

"Ziva, I haven't accepted it –"

"Yes you have", I said. "Don't stand there and lie to me."

"Look, if it would make things better I can just leave", he said. "Whatever makes you happy because we've discussed this before and you seemed understanding. So maybe I should just leave it as it is."

"Do whatever you want", I demanded. "It seems to be easy enough for you to just walk away. That is what you're good at."

"This isn't easy for me either!" he said loudly, and when his green eyes flashed, I knew I had hit a nerve. "You think I wanted this? You think I expected this to happen?"

"No", I admitted calmly, "but you are surely accepting it faster than I anticipated. You are suddenly driving head over heels into something you are not sure about and I would like to know why."

"Look, what we had –"

"Had…?" I asked. "So that is it."

"Just listen to me", he asked. "Listen and stop jumping to damn conclusions here. Between you and I, there wasn't any deep mutual attraction. Sex, that's it."

"So you slept with me just for the pleasure of it?" I asked.

"Would you listen to yourself?" he demanded. "You're behaving as if you didn't feel the same way. When we first started seeing each other, we never could find common grounds between us. It was always you like, I hate, I'm not good at commitment, you want to settle down. Nothing ever seemed to click!"

I silently agreed to that. Nothing ever did click between us. But now that he was throwing it out in the open, I did realize that it was all for the sex. The sex was great, it was awesome. But at times, even that felt strained. Something else was always on his mind, and he could never seem to pay full attention to me. It was either his job, or some movie, or a video game, or Gibbs.

"So you desire Gibbs?" I asked.

"No…I don't know", he said confused. "I can't think clearly right now."

You're enjoying this."

"Oh I am?" Tony asked angrily. "Do tell me how."

I regarded him boldly. "You like the attention, like being in the middle –"

"Ziva, that's one hell of a fib. If you're going to stand there and accuse me of enjoying this then you're not living up to what I expected of you."

I scoffed and stepped up to him, invading his personal space. There was nothing others liked better than distance. It somehow made them feel as if you weren't man up enough to confront them.

"So that is why you have given up on us, because I am not living up to what you expected –"

"I haven't given up anything!"

"Yes you have!" I shouted. "You were just going to…kiss him."

"I wasn't", he lied.

I shook my head in disbelief and stepped away from him. "I was going to listen to your side of the story but it seems as if you're prepared to lie, lie, lie."

"You come barging in here full of accusations and hate!"

"I came in here to be told the truth!"

"Look, would you just give me some time to think?" he asked. "You're not helping here by just accusing, accusing me."

I calmed down and saw in his face that same kind and understanding, considerate person that I had been working with for years. Somehow deep down inside, it nagged on me that this wasn't fair at all. I wasn't giving him a fair chance, and suddenly at the spur of the moment, I actually agreed with him.

"Fine then", I admitted. I didn't look at Gibbs. "Take all the time you want. I promise to understand and I will. But just do not break us up without a solid reason. I need an answer. Until the –"

"Ziva…" he started and I turned to gaze at him, expecting him to admit that he was making a mistake and that I was the one he wanted. "Thank you."

Silently, I nodded and made my way to the door. Pulling it open, I sniffed, wiped my face and moved forth.

Xxx

Gibbs took a considerate span of time to get better, better enough to breathe on his own. And by the time the gunshot wound had healed somewhat, he was out and recuperating at home. The office felt extremely vacant without him, especially since Ziva's relationship with me had become strained after that day when she walked out. Now she hardly spoke to me, but would acknowledge me with a smile.

After that day, I had walked out myself without even uttering a word to Gibbs. At first it had overwhelmed me. The mere truth that hit me as to what I was about to do, it simply couldn't happen like that. And after a while, I began to realize that sometimes things occur in your life, threatening to change you into something you really are not. It wasn't that I desired Gibbs; well at least I thought to myself that that was just some part of my imagination playing tricks on me. It was just that I needed someone to fill that void within me, that space that required someone loving me.

And giving it considerably a week or so after all that upset, I was back to almost normal: not that anyone was normal, me to begin with. But I was slowly trying to adjust into what who I was. Yet every time Abby or McGee brought up the topic of Gibbs, I'd avoid them and change the subject. Never really was I in the mood ever to speak about it. Once Ziva had tried to ask me what I was about now. But I had changed the course of conversation and strictly asked them to speak about the case at hand. More and more every day it appeared as if I was evolving into a model of Gibbs.

Immediately at 5 pm, about a week from the incident, I was at my desk when my desk phone rang. Diverting my eyes from my computer screen, I picked the receiver up with my right and tapped in a Search command with my left.

"Special Agent DiNozzo speaking…" I was just about to pack up and leave and someone had to call. I waited in anticipation that it was just some wrong number and not the Patrols alerting me of a murder.

"It's Gibbs."

I didn't quite register it all in one go, but took a few seconds to realize that it was him. In those few seconds, my heart did a flip flop to Vegas and back.

"Boss…" Naturally, that's what came out of my mouth.

"Just calling to check up."

"Oh, we're doing fairly well here. Got a case on our hands. Some big bucks involved. Dead Lieutenant's wife's missing."

"What are your leads?"

I didn't want to go there because so far we had none.

"Oh we suspect kidnapping, or possibly she fled from guilt." Did I even suspect that?

"Good", was all he said. And I waited. I pondered on the possibility of him even asking me how I was, or me asking him the same. Then again, if we delved into personal topics, I'd have to venture into those grey areas once more.

"How's the recuperation going?" I asked. Damn me!

"Hate being at home. Nothing to do really other than flick through channels and work on the boat. Other than that, going good."

The conversation felt pointless as if we were placed in a strained situation to speak to each other. I felt as if this was that silly video website I'd log unto where they'd hook you up with someone random for ten seconds then moved on to someone else. Somehow I felt as if I didn't know what to say to him. It was strange but that's how I felt.

And then he said the inevitable, the one sentence that I had never ever, in all my years of working for him, heard him say over the phone to me. Usually it was 'get this done' or 'make sure you call this person' or 'check up on this'. But this afternoon it was….

"I miss ya, DiNozzo."

I felt queasy.

"Listen, Gibbs", I said in a rush, fingering my Staples yellow sticky notepad, "got some work to do here. Kinda a busy. And I wanna leave soon. We'll talk later."

There was no answer.

"Bye", I said and rested the phone back down on its stand. I felt bad yeah for doing that, but place yourself in my situation and try to even imagine how hard it would be for you to hold a conversation with Gibbs.

Xx

That night, after I had turned off my desk light, Abby approached me and asked if I wanted to accompany Ziva and her to eat Chinese at this new restaurant. I overall, I didn't feel like going. I mean, my mind wasn't that stable about then. I felt kind of tired and wanted to be left alone. So I declined.

Ziva was waiting by the elevator and when our eyes met, I observed calm and sincerity. Yet I still didn't want to join them. It was one of those times when I just wanted to go home, take a bath, stretch up my feet and watch some random movie, maybe a classic.

I decided to stop at Harley's and buy a pepperoni pizza, extra cheese. As I sat there waiting on a bench within the interior of the place, I checked my cell and noticed that I had one missed call and one message from this girl I had met at this party the past weekend. Ashley was considerably hot, with nice calves and sexy luscious lips, blond hair. Yum. It was tempting to call her back, but like I said, I just felt like being alone.

"Order 23!"

I got up and dragged my feet to collect the pizza then to my car.

It's amazing how when you're suddenly not in tune with your emotions how everything else seems to get your attention. Like detail: I was astounded by the starry sky tonight. The whisper of the wind against my face and how it passed through the trees, it was incredible. Let alone the overcast sky, threatening more rain to come.

Hand in hand, a couple walked by, her leaning into him and I suddenly wished that I wasn't going home to an empty house tonight. I wished that there was more for me to expect. Here I was in my forties and I had no one. What a loser.

Parking my car, I got out and grabbed the box, then made my way up the stairs. Those stupid patio shrubs, I'd have to get rid of them due to them obstructing most of my view of the town below. I pushed the keys into the slot and turned, but before I got the door fully open, he stepped out from the plastic shrubs.

With his marine cut salt and pepper hair looking as sexy as hell, in his shirt and black tailored pants, he appeared to be dressed for work. How strange.

"Gibbs", I said in disbelief, my eyes wide.

"Tony…"

"You can't be here", I said trying to compose myself.

He ignored my statement and stepped towards me, his blue eyes on mine. They appeared not steely like the mundane consideration, but somehow considerate, no pun intended.

"Please, Gibbs", I pleaded with him, "don't do this." Yet he stepped closer to me, making it hard for me to even hold my thoughts together. I remained hesitant on whether to step inside my apartment because he'd follow me. Yet if I remained outside…

But he stepped up to me, less than a foot away, not even 4 inches away. And when I smelt his Old Spice, and felt his breath whisper against my face, I didn't know what would come next.

**A/N – This chapter was done in a rush because of the mere fact that we didn't want to keep our readers waiting for more like last time. Please stick with us for more. We'll be over soon.**


	8. Chapter 7

*"Oh why the backside you have to always end it like that?" Best review! Made me laugh a good couple of minutes.

Guys, sadly my partner who writes as DiNozzo got deployed last week so I have to continue the entire story on my own. We discussed it before he left and developed a simplified plot for me to consider. Nevertheless, my style of writing is exceptionally different. I usually pen Gibbs' thoughts and story. So I will try my best with putting both of them together. Thank you for keeping to terms with us.

***WARNING. SLASH CONTENT TO FOLLOW IN STORYLINE. SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO MALE/MALE INTIMATE SITUATIONS.***

Xxx

Gibbs

The entirety of the situation was extremely pressured on my behalf. I could no longer compose myself fully because of the mere fact that he appeared slightly bewildered yet when I examined his clear green eyes, there was no mystery behind them in what he desired.

Of all the times in my life when I had encountered a situation like this, never before had I been so seriously drawn towards a person in this way. To want another man as desperately as I wanted DiNozzo, it wasn't an easy fete to just stand there and appear calm. My entire mind was corrupted from sexual feelings of being close to him. And when he declared that I shouldn't be there, I felt the need to object, as I always do, and follow my gut.

I did the one thing any person in my situation would do. No one was going to stop me this time because I knew what I wanted. Hate me for saying or doing as I please when stubbornness gets in the way, but it was my move.

Closing the distance between us was almost like entering a room consumed by nerve wracking fumes of lust and desire. With every step I took towards him, I found it hard to breathe, to take a full breath.

"Gibbs…" he protested, with his back against the partially opened door, his eyes widened, "I can't do this."

"Why?" I asked.

With his right hand on the door knob, I saw him cautiously move the door open.

"Don't", I said moving my hand over his.

Just the feel of his warm skin threatened to drive me crazy enough. Added to the somehow occurrence of me finding myself so close to his body that I could feel his breath against my face. Our heated faces lay inches apart. And my mind could only think of doing one thing to him to ease this maddening desire within me.

Closing the door, as it clicked into place, I forced him against it and fully invaded his personal space. But this was not a similar situation to what had occurred in the alleyway in Stillwater. This time, I could tell that he wanted me, but not as much as I desired him.

Using my legs, I jammed his against mine and immediately felt his hardness within his denim jeans…

Xxx

DiNozzo

…and the sanity I was so desperately holding unto broke free and shattered within me. I no longer could contain myself as I felt him against me. I felt insane and blinded by the scent of him, the feel of his body against mine. He was well built and hard against me, his chest against mine, strong hands, and firm legs.

"Tony", he whispered, his voice laced with desire, a bit unsteady. And he rested his palms against the door behind me. Then with his right cheek, burning up from passion resting against mine, Gibbs began to move against me, grinding his erection against mine.

"Gibbs", I moaned throwing my head back. My vision swam as I tried to focus on what he was doing but I failed. He was turning me on and at this rate, I'd wet my pants if he didn't stop.

Deep passion consumed me as our bodies moved, and my knees almost buckled, when I felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin where my neck met my shoulder. And I gasped as his tongue danced against my neck, then his teeth met my jawline. Before I realized what I was doing, with both unsteady palms reaching up and resting on either side of his face, I pulled his head up so that his eyes were on me. And guiding his lips to mine, feeling the rush, that secretive moment of bliss, I crushed my lips on his.

The feeling was out of this world awesome. Never before had I even considered that one could feel as I was at that moment because it felt too colourful, almost as if someone was desperately penning a poem based on feelings that they imagined would drive them crazy. I couldn't entirely kiss him but found myself devouring his mouth. Using my tongue (I never imagined me really tonguing up a guy), I sought his out. And as he tilted his head sideways, moaning, and writhing against me, I moved my lips to his right cheek then passionately trailed kisses down his jawline and along his neck.

He tasted so good. Mixed with the usual Old Spice, I tasted his salty sweat and smelt coffee, sawdust...just Gibbs. I mean, I couldn't imagine I was doing this to my boss. Sorry to break the moment like that but this figure whom I had worked with for years, had watched him suck down coffee, him in those suits, his stern face, those head slaps, his gruff voice and orders, working a case with him, stake outs beside him, us talking about life and his marriages. I couldn't imagine that I had him against me like this, wanting me so badly that I could feel him tremble from passion.

How had I missed this before? Gibbs was so tempting with the feel of his body against me, I could only imagine how he appeared without clothes. And his smell, oh gods it turned me on completely. I wanted to get him inside but could I even muster up the strength to turn the doorknob or would he rip my clothes off outside?

"Inside", I tried to say but I don't think that's what it sounded like because my tongue felt tied up.

I pulled away, breathing heavy and reached behind me to open the door. With my eyes level with his, he entwined his fingers with mine, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. And stepping forward, he backed me into my apartment, his lips on mine. I moaned as he kicked the door close behind him, and in the same due process, his fingers were finding themselves through my sweat soaked hair.

What exactly was behind me as I entered my apartment? I couldn't remember to be exact but fuck, I didn't really care about that. All I wanted was for him to stay with me, forever. I wanted to taste him, all of him. Every moment felt so stretched on, that I was enjoying it by the second and before I knew it, we were in…

Xxx

Gibbs

…his living room. I backed him up without looking that we somehow ended up colliding with his brown leather sofa. And losing his balance, he fell backwards when the back of his legs jammed the arm rest. Holding unto me, he pulled me after him as we fell unto the cushions, me on top of him, my body fully against his.

"Damn", he whispered and laughed. "Gibbs, you're a….you're a wild one. You're wild like a cowboy or something. I just can't –" I ran both my hands through his hair and silenced him with a kiss, adjusting my position over him.

He fought with me, his hands reaching out to grab at my shirt, trying to get me off of him. And I heard a burst of laughter erupt from him as he forcefully turned me over in one steady move then sat on top of me. With his legs on either side of my hips, knees digging into his sofa, he chose to take over, running his fingers through my hair as he reached down to kiss me. Then tilting my head backwards, he grazed his teeth against my chin, then down my neck. I moaned as his erection pressed hard and hot against mine. And with every movement of him on top of me, I gasped when I felt him firmly against me.

Reaching up to grab his shoulders, I tried to pull him down towards me but he had other plans. He began to unbutton my shirt, breathing heavy as he did, his eyes wild. Then as he tried to pull it off of me, I playfully pulled him down, having us end up tumbling to the carpeted floor. With me on top now, I quickly had his shirt off as well, then laughed.

"Well you do have a six pack, DiNozzo", I said smiling.

"God Gibbs, you're killing me!" he protested as I straddled him with my hips. Using my unsteady hands, I unbuckled his belt and then undid his zip, pulling it down. "Fuck", he swore when I roughly rested my hand on his throbbing erection. And as he threw his head backwards, I pulled his pants off, unbuckling and unzipping mine as I used one hand on him.

"You like this", I whispered as I freed him from inside his pants, my eyes devouring his solid shaft. He was more than an equipped stud, with a full length of thick, throbbing and tempting work of art.

"Yeah", he admitted. And propped himself up as he watched me pull down my pants off. Then he was up and against me, his hand on my front as he pulled my pants down and his eyes sought me out. I was amazed by his sudden strength and the fact that…

Xxx

DiNozzo

…the guy was seriously buffed and had a full package as well. I couldn't take my eyes off of his erection, that long, thick member that immediately drove me nuts. I was seriously aroused now, having him lying against the carpet, me on top, I sat on top of him and savored the direct feel of his bare heated skin against mine. Not to mention the fact that for the first time ever, I had my bare cock against another guy's own, fully erect and somehow ready to do anything whatsoever to fuck him, make him want me, make him moan, cry out my name somehow.

He wanted me to fuck him, well I'd was willing to. Gibbs had been asking for it, and I'd give it to him. I was so freaking turned on by his body, that I went down and tasted him, first, his chest. I used my teeth and tongue for the job because it wasn't that much a difference with a guy as opposed to a girl. He welcomed it, and when I got to his navel, it was then that I felt his hands on my back, his fingers digging into my skin as I sucked the skin all the way down to his cock.

"Tony…" he moaned, arching his back as my tongue tasted him. I worked my mouth over his shaft, then when I reached the tip, I used my tongue to tease him. "Fuck…" he whispered reaching down to hold onto my hair. I grabbed him between my hands and held on, jerking him and rubbing the tip of his shaft as I did.

He was sweaty, his face soaked, chest, below the waist. And even before I registered it, as I had become mesmerized by the expression on his face, his eyes dazed, Gibbs pulled me down and our bodies came into full contact with each other. Immediately my pores opened up and I because seriously bedazzled by how we did fit perfectly against each other. It was incredible how I was somehow turned on by him without even trying.

"I want you", he said and rolled me over, him on top.

"I want you raw", I confessed, my mind hazy, "I want you rough and wild."

"Really?" he asked breathing heavy.

I shook my head.

He did what I had done to him, only much more skillful and laced with so much desire that with every bite and lick, I gasped and called his name. He had to have had experience in what he was doing to me because he did it without even thinking. Gibbs knew exactly where to touch me, where to use his tongue on me and how to do it. It was almost as if he had studied me and knew what I wanted because before I knew it, he was jerking me off, and as much as I felt that I'd give in and come in his hands, I didn't. I only felt myself, my body overheat with passion.

"I'm gonna die", I moaned and tried to laugh. "You've done this before."

He studied me and didn't say a word. Not that he had ever admitted to doing Troy. But I knew he did. And somehow in my mind I always thought to myself that Troy was the one who had taken control.

"Troy taught you?" I asked playfully.

"No", he said seriously and firm, and I gasped as a finger entered me. "I taught him."

My eyes became dazed as two fingers entered me and my muscles tightened, my body trying to adjust to this new force that had invaded me. And I didn't even know when he had coated his fingers in lubricant, only that the burning sensation eased down as he stretched me, and rubbed his palm against my chest.

"DiNozzo", he whispered, lifting my leg up and adjusting himself over me.

I reached up with both my hands and grabbed unto his shoulders, his sweat soaked body, his blue eyes on mine. And when he entered me slowly, although I tried to close my eyes, he rested both palms against my face and urged me to look at him. I did, moaning as I felt the entire length of him consume me, the fiery heat and passion burning our bodies up.

And when he was fully within me, I pulled him down, and he welcomed my kiss. This time we kissed passionately and fast. He bit my bottom lip and pulled, then our tongues met and danced against each other. I was burning up. I couldn't believe I had done this, had him inside me and we were so intimately connected. The pain was there, but the overwhelming feeling of what we had done took me over more than that.

It was incredible how…

Xxx

Gibbs

…I had finally gotten what I wanted and he had accepted without pushing me away. The mere thought of him wanting me as he did, desiring me so much, I felt extremely un-Gibbs-like. No one had ever made this sacrifice for me, not even Troy because it had never felt so right with him like it did with Tony.

I began to move inside of him, slowly at first, watching his reaction to what I was doing. And when he appeared uncomfortable, I reached down and kissed him, running my hands over his body, his face, trailing kisses along his neck and shoulder as I made love to him. He was incredibly handsome, even as he burnt up with his body dripping with sweat, DiNozzo was a looker.

And when he grabbed unto my hips and pulled me hard into him, I gasped as he cried out and I threatened to come inside of him.

"Ride me, Gibbs!" he begged, pleaded with me. And I began to move faster, pulling him up to me as I held him there, our mouths open and us breathing hard. I pounded into him, and the friction was overwhelmingly raw, tipping me to the edge as he moaned against me, shivered and threw his head back.

Using my hand, I squeezed his shaft and began to jerk him off to match my movements within him. And adjusting his body sideways, I hammered into him, having him seriously drive me crazy as he cried out my name.

"I'm gonna…"

"Come for me!" I begged, as I lay close to the edge. "Please."

And he did, us both throwing our heads back, me convulsing as I emptied myself into him. Falling on top of him, without taking myself out, I held him as he groaned, still squirting into my hand.

"God, Gibbs", he whispered and held unto me.

I turned his face to look at me and then kissed him long and deep, until we couldn't breathe anymore and we had to pull apart for air. Lying in his arms, his head against my chest, without any clothes, I just wanted to stay there.

Xxx

DiNozzo

The next morning I woke up in my bed alongside him. We were fully naked beneath the sheets and I then remembered that we had somehow made it here, weak in the knees sometime early that morning. He was sleeping still and when I checked my bedside clock, I saw that it was almost seven thirty.

After what had happened between us, I felt playful enough, a bit in for some laughter.

"Boss", I said smiling. How could I call him boss ever again and realize that we had much more in our minds over him being the one in charge?

He stirred and sighed, moving his hand over my face and through my hair as he turned to face me. I moved up against him and held him there.

"Tony…" he moaned, and then looked at me, his blue eyes hazy.

"Morning, boss", I said smiling.

He studied me and sighed again. "You still going to call me boss?"

"I don't see why not, after all", and I reached over, moved my mouth over his then pulled away and watched him lovingly, "you were the boss last night."

He smiled and ruffled my hair then sat up. Pulling me up slowly, Gibbs kissed me slowly and passionately, for almost a full minute.

"We're late for work?" he asked softly.

I shrugged. "Depends on when you usually get in there."

Looking over at the clock, he squinted then looked at me. "When do you get in?"

I thought about it. "Like eight, earlier if I don't want to stay here."

"Nine then."

"What?" I asked looking at him quizzically.

He pulled me up and with my back towards him, Gibbs held me against him as we stood there. Trailing kisses down my neck, I moved with him towards my small bath and stepped inside.

"Do you want to be here with me?" he asked as I turned on the shower and he braced me up against the tiled walls.

"What kind of question is that?"

Our heads moved like snakes as we teased one another without kissing. "Then we'll be ready for nine."

And using his hand, he lifted my leg up and devoured my mouth, me moaning as the heated water flowed unto us.

**A/N – THAT WAS LIKE SO WICKEDLY AWESOME WASN'T IT? I KNOW I KILLED YOU WITH THE FOREPLAY BUT GIBBS ONCE SAID HE LIKED THAT AND I JUST HAD TO BRING IT IN. REMEMBER I'M A GIRL, AND SO WRITING THESE SITUATIONS TAKES A LOT OF IMAGINATION FROM ME! I HAD TO ENVISION WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE A GUY. BUT MY TRICK WAS TO JUST IMAGINE GIBBS DEVOURING ME! IT WORKED JUST FINE AFTER THEN!**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME IF YOU LIKED?**

**SHOULD I CONTINUE? AND WITH WHAT EXACTLY? PICK IT UP FROM THIS SCENE OR SKIP TO WORK?**


	9. Chapter 8

We're heading to a limit of ten chapters. So that means the story is coming to an end. But don't worry, we've got plenty more in story. Plus I intend to start a Tibbs Romance collection of stories: one shots. Look out for that one after this.

I'm fed up writing chapter stories like this one. Sometimes my mind lapses.

**Xxx**

**DiNozzo**

The big question is, and has always been to me, is have you ever made love in the shower, the warm water caressing your heated body, the feel of someone else next to you? What about holding your breath as the water gushes down unto you and you're so turned on by the other party's kissing that you don't give a damn about drowning?

I was like that.

The way he touched me, every part of me, trailing his finger along my back, using the soap to torment me by moving it over me…already hard. I was mesmerized by his choice of seduction. It almost as if I could fall all over in love again with him. I could just forget about me ever being straight and gave in to just being with him like that.

Using his hand, my back to his, he wrapped one around my waist and swayed with me side to side, almost too sensual for me to take. I could feel him hot behind me, throbbing. Closing my eyes, I leant back against him and moaned, as he ran his hands all over me, then down to my cock.

"Gibbs", I whispered, my body trembling from being thus excited.

He continued his stroking of my shaft and then began to jerk me off, slowly then faster. And with every pull, thrust of his strong hands, I couldn't control myself. My knees buckled and I was almost about to fall when he held me strong around the waist and pulled me up, and against him.

But I had had enough of him dominating. Turning him to back me, I jammed him up against the tiled walls and held him, long and hard between my hands. Then it was my turn to jerk him off. And it was so damn exciting. Remember I wasn't an expert at this, doing it to another man. So I tried to imagine myself doing it to me. And yes there were times when I'd do it. No same in that. After a while I wanted to see his face, so I turned him around to face me and allowed the water to wash over him as I caressed his body. Running my hands through his salt and pepper hair, I went in for a mouthful of a kiss. And continued to work my hands over his erection.

When he came, with his head against the wall, I welcomed his fingers digging into my skin, and smiled because I somehow had always imagined that I'd love to see Gibbs' reaction when he just let it go.

So we were both fucked. Added to that, it was awesome enough to have me walking around my apartment with a wide smile on my face. And as we whipped up our contrasting coffee mixtures, I couldn't resist the urge to admire him in his clothes; well ironed…him dressed for work.

How coincidental it was that the night after we gave into each other's feelings, he was to return to NCIS. It wasn't that I hated the idea of having him at work once again. But what would it be like now to have him sit opposite me, and shout 'grab your gear'? I'd have to compose myself and try to refrain from thinking about grabbing his sexy ass. Not to mention the fact that I had actually seen ALL of him. So now every single time my eyes were cast his way, my mind wandered to his crotch.

"Quit staring", he said holding a steaming cup of black coffee in his right hand.

"Come here", I said smiling, and rested my cup beside me on the kitchen counter.

If it was one thing I loved was for me to have him step out of 'Gibbs mode'. I wanted to somehow attempt to withdraw from him, behavior and actions that were quite unlike him. Not forgetting that last night had totally wowed me. But like these moments; him walking up to me, and fitting his hips between my thighs. Plus you wouldn't ever believe that he'd be romantic towards me of all people. Hence I stress on the new fact that us pairing up was quite odd.

"Like what you see?" he asked smiling and he sipped his coffee. Using his left hand, he reached behind me and slowly began to massage my neck.

"What's not to like?" I asked as I arched back, my eyes closed from the warm sensation of his fingers kneading into my skin.

"Don't know", he said resting his cup beside mine. He ran his fingers through my wet hair and I leant forward, my mouth inches away from his. "Just don't stare at the front of my pants often."

I had to laugh at that one. "And you the same."

"Wouldn't do such a thing. Wouldn't want to make you have a hard on at work."

"You'd just have to somehow help me take care of it", I said smiling mischievously. "Maybe in the elevator, or better, in your car. With you driving, me in front…"

"Idle minds", he said quietly.

"I just can't believe it", I admitted, using my right thumb to caress his mouth. "Out of all the dudes in the world, I had to fall for you, Gibbs."

He studied me. "Is it something you regret?"

I thought about it, wondered if he hadn't showed up at my place last night, where we'd be at in the future, for example right now. I actually didn't regret any bit of it at that point. It was just that somehow, minus the sex, I desired him for who he was. And it might sound a bit weird on the outside, but I actually loved the guy a lot. There were most things about him that interested me, wanting me to find out more. I craved for his company, his love and being together with it. It wasn't just a brotherly bond, but more of an attraction to him.

"Na", I said quietly and leant forward, rested my cheek against his. I whispered, "there's nothing more in this world I want right now than you."

He seemed to be pondering on that thought. "Hmm, how about food?"

My eyes widened. "Damn you, Gibbs."

"Just the answer I was looking for." And we headed out for work.

**Xxx**

**Gibbs**

It felt entirely homely to return to work. Didn't want to ponder on what would occur if I hadn't. Fact was, one bullet could never succeed in taking me away. I had too many chances to depart and there was a reason I was here still. One of them could be linked to what had occurred last night. Hate me for being that brazen but when I wanted someone that bad, no one could stop me from moving in. It was like second nature to me. Go in, without thinking, and come out feeling all too happy.

And boy was it worth the move.

When I walked into the Squad Room that morning, the first thing that greeted me was the somehow unusual movements of a said female Special Agent belonging to my team. With her back to me, she continued to move her hips in rhythmic motions, humming as she swayed this way and that. Smiling, I noticed that she had her headphones on, was bare feet and grinning happily.

I stepped in front of her.

"Gibbs!" she said hastily and yanked her headphones off. "I was just, um…"

"Morning", I said moving to my desk. I could feel her eyes on me.

"You're…back."

"Yup."

"That's good."

"Great."

She moved to her desk and sat behind it, then pretended to tap away something on her keyboard, her eyes focused on the screen. Without even knowing, I could tell that she wasn't doing any work in particular but trying her best to avoid me. I sighed and looked around, at nothing in particular. Nice to have your team, or a significant part of your team go through a drastic change as a result of you.

Sitting there, squeezing my tension rubber ball in my right, my cell in my left rang. It was Patrol.

"Special Agent Gibbs…"

"Yeah, hey Agent Gibbs, we have a situation down here. Dead body, dressed as a Marine. Seems like your call."

I swore and was already up.

"Where?" I asked grabbing my cup of almost downed coffee, my eyes moving in reflex to DiNozzo's desk. He was fashionably late.

"Downtown….."

I signaled to Ziva to get a move on and then asked after McGee.

"Here, boss", he said appearing from nowhere in particular. I squinted at him and saw that he was pink in the face. "I was um…"

"Getting laid downstairs?" It was Tony, moving in with his charming smile and finely ironed black suit. I glared at him.

"Shutting up now."

"Good", I said moving. "Ziva with McGee."

Judging from her expression, I'd say that she had anticipated me declaring it. Nevertheless I refrained from stating that DiNozzo was to ride with me. McGee made a face at me to signal the fact that since Ziva had her own vehicle now, her driving skills had improved drastically and dangerously. I ignored him.

About two blocks out of the Navy Yard, with my hands on the steering wheel, I was shocked at the silence ensuing from him. Turning to face him, I noticed that he was grinning, but his eyes behind his shades…that I couldn't see.

"DiNozzo?"

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

Maybe I'd have to head slap him.

"I was just thinking, Gibbs", he said turning to beam at me.

"Not something you do without using your mouth."

"Oh I'm so offended", he said sarcastically. I smiled.

Hitting the brakes on the red light, I watched Ziva's red Porch pitch forward and snaked its way through traffic. She'd kill McGee soon.

"God this place is hot!" he protested. "Downtown on a Monday, at this time of day… It isn't good for my complexion. And don't say…" he said turning to me as I began to smile, "that that's a gay remark. I'm not gay."

"No, you're just fucking your boss, who happens to be a man", I said.

He turned to me with wide eyes. "I never knew you talked like that. I love it!"

Somehow, his disheveled hair appeared very sexy enough as the rays of the sun met the brown strands. His eyes were mystically bewildered yet he appeared quite cute to me. But I dare not allow my eyes to wander below his jawline or else my grip on the wheel would become too shaky.

"Well, you've got much more to learn about me", I said diverting my eyes from him.

I couldn't compose myself. Releasing the wheel with my left, eyes on the road, I felt my way around, along his right thigh, warm and muscular and then to his bulging crotch. Oh fuck he felt wonderful even in downtown traffic. With the window down, he threw his head back and moaned, his tempting lips partially opened as he rested his hand on mine.

"Shit, Tony, you're so tempting."

"One phrase that…" he gasped as I closed my fingers around him through his pants, "many people have said to me. But you…when you say it, you make me want to –"

"Have me fuck you?" I asked and swallowed. Nodding, he adjusted himself in his seat and parted his legs further, allowing me to grab his hard cock easily. I was about to unzip his pants when my eyes fell on Ziva's car parked near the 'Elite' bar and realized we had arrived.

"Fuck", Tony said looking around and then at my hand. He gingerly grabbed my neck with his right and pulled me towards him. But I resisted. If I only dared closed the space between us, we'd never stop until we were completely fucked.

Pushing my door open, I climbed out and surveyed the scene. First day back and we already had a dead body. The dead never could wait. Then again, that was life and its shitty philosophy.

Ziva was waiting by the door. Seeing us, she nodded at us and without saying a word, beckoned to the Officer standing guard by the door. Next to him stood a well-built black man, late forties, buzz cut, beefy arms, and he was wearing a lovely white apron that read 'Happy meals are our deals'. Seriously?

"Special Agent Gibbs, DiNozzo, David…" with my badge opened, I peered around for McGee.

"Probably somewhere throwing up", DiNozzo whispered into my ear. Immediately my neck tingled and I got these overwhelming sensations that moved down my back. My heart began to race.

"Dead guy's in the back. I'm Carl by the way." I nodded at him, not really caring since he was freaking the shit out of me by his attire.

"What happened?"

"Well, he came in last night for sure. Noticed him buying a couple shots of Grey Goose. Used the loo a couple of times then we found him dead when I went in the back to check on supplies."

It all sounded like bullshit to me.

"Don't you lock up?" Tony asked. I looked back to register him eyeing Ziva, the latter refusing to break eye contact.

"No, this joint here runs 24/7. Its how we make money around here."

I ignored him and squeezed inside. As I crossed the threshold, the first smell that hit me was that of leather, the sharp sting of beer and sweat. That was sufficient enough to give me wild ideas of what went on in the depths of this 'joint'.

"So he came in alone."

"Yea, would seem so. Was alone most of the night. Look, coming here in your Marine outfit and shit, ain't nobody wanna mess with that sorta thing. Maybe he was just checking my place out."

I wasn't buying that. "I don't think so." Looking around, I noticed that McGee had finally showed. He was even pinker in the face now.

Upon setting eyes on the dead Marine, the first thing that came to mind was me returning back and on some nights I used to frequent bars with Troy. We'd sit near at the back, have a good laugh…those were the days. Now this Marine looked as if someone had twisted his neck. Or maybe poisoned him. Couldn't tell by just looking.

"You need answers, I presume." It was Duck, moving in with Palmer.

"And fast."

"I'll start if you insist."

"I'd like that. McGee, David, start taking pictures." My eyes met Tony's. "DiNozzo, let's have a look at the back." Eyeing the manager, I moved on without approval. He made no move to follow us. And I was glad.

And it was just as I pictured it to be. Pulling open a stall door, I grabbed DiNozzo's arm and yanked him after me. Inside, I pushed him hard against the wall and moved in, bracing my body against him, full, hard, ready. And then I went down for his neck, grazing my teeth against his sweaty skin as he grabbed me and threw back his head.

"Gibbs", he moaned, eyes closed, biting his lips. "Mmmm."

"You make it so hard for me to do…my job. So fucking hard."

I forcefully spun him around and against the wall, running my palm passionately over his exposed neck then through his hair.

"Jesus, Gibbs…" he moaned as I unbuckled his belt, then unzipped his pants.

If it was one thing that I desired more than doing my job was to do him. That was it. I wanted him. Couldn't do without him. Fuck, I was breaking my own rule: more than one rule to be exact.

Pulling down mine with one hand as I held his cock between my fingers, I groaned when I threatened to come right there and then. I could wait. Holding him around the waist and pulling him towards me, his back bent, I grabbed his firm butt, and slid myself into him without hesitating. Full force, his knees buckled and I pulled him up, held unto him as his fingernails dug into the walls. And I fucked him hard right there and then. Our groans and grunts only contributed to our animal behavior as we roughly made love there.

Xxx

**McGee**

I knew about what was going on between them. And I had a feeling that more was going on that met the eye. But sometimes you just want to ignore things. Like when Ziva had come to me for advice on what to do. Of course I didn't know what exactly to say. She should have consulted with Abby: she was brilliant at those things.

But me?

First and foremost, I had no prejudice against those sorts of lifestyles. But having being brought up as Catholic and raised firmly by my father, such things were definitely not viewed as acceptable. But based on the circumstances: Gibbs was my boss, and DiNozzo was my arch nemesis. Enough said, I'd prefer to just overlook things, once none of it involved me.

Now it was Ziva who sent me to ask DiNozzo for his spare memory card to replenish her stock of photos. I wasn't going to venture after the two of them just like that, especially after the car race that Ziva had put me through. During which she had been venting her anger on Gibbs' return, yet ended up accepting what was going on, and contradicting herself.

So I went into the back room, found myself facing about ten stalls. And as I was reading the explicit wording on each one, things like 'only fucks given here', 'better be in a lube mood', and 'fuck like rabbits', Ziva came in behind me.

"Got the card, McGee?"

I shook my head, not really looking at here because of what I was hearing emanating from within a stall.

"Bat got your tongue? No, I mean cat."

I shushed her. "Listen, do you hear that?"

With her eyebrows knitted, eyes squinted, she listened hard beside me. After a while, we both turned to face each other with our eyes wide opened, mouths agape.

"Oh, no they can't be –"

"… in the stall? I don't think so –"

"With a crime scene outside?"

"…guess we should –"

"…go?" she suggested.

I nodded feverishly and began to move to the door. But with her head dancing, a wicked grin on her face, her brown eyes alight with excitement, she began to slowly step to the row of stalls.

I was shocked. "Ziva, no!"

"Why not?" she mouthed, and slowly pressed her ear to the first door then moved unto the next.

Relying on her sense of hearing quite intensely, she actually got to the right door. And pushing it open, Ziva stepped inside.

I didn't see the rest, I was already out the door.

**A/N – It's highly possible that most of you will dislike me actually having Gibbs dominate so much. But it's fun. He's the boss. And to have Ziva slowly progressing into acceptance: it's a big step in giving away your boyfriend to your boss. **

**What should happen next? I might use your ideas. If they're as good as what I have planned ;)**


End file.
